#11bmir

Did he just say the L word.

Jimin gripped his phone so hard he should have been worried about breaking the glass. He was too preoccupied with the fucking mistake he just made. The thing is, he's known for a few months now that he loved you, before you agreed to that first date. Then half-way through he realized you thought it was a friend date and he couldn't do anything to make you get the idea and he had to drop it on you like a bomb – over text because he's a coward and all that.

Back then, he could feel his love every time he looked at your smile.

He knew you needed time after that, seeing him as a boyfriend. Suddenly even holding hands and cuddling – two things that you used to do regularly – turned awkward and felt brand new. He's patient, when it comes to you he could take anything with a smile.

So every time he talked to you over the phone, his romantic instinct pushed for him to say that he loves you right before you say a small goodbye until the next time he can hear your voice. He always said it in his head, smiling at himself and feeling giddy.

He always said it in his head.

"Why are you still here? Do you enjoy watching my noodle legs losing muscle?"

Jimin just looked at Jungkook petrified, his friend observing him with a non-changing neutral expression.

"Wait," a slight frown takes over his face. "Did you just talk to Y/N?"

Jimin's nods made him feel like a robot starving for oil.

"Did you tell her you love her?"

With no way to utter words, Jimin nodded again faster and more desperate.

"Wow." Was all Jungkook said, before grabbing Jimin by the shoulders and guiding him to their squatting area. The panic coursing through Jimin's body made amazing stamina fuel, easily turning into adrenaline. He flexed his muscles like they could take back those three words and give him peace.

Jungkook was trying to make conversation while they were working, but his voice was nothing but background noise to the screaming in Jimin's head. What if you weren't ready for that yet? What if you felt pressured since you always knew that Jimin feels for you more than you feel for him? What if you could no longer think of your paper because you dreaded the moment he'll come home and you'll have to face him – what if you don't love him? What if you don't really see him as a man but as your friend – and it's okay to kiss your friend and maybe go a little farther – what if he is delusional and the two of you are more like friends with benefits?

What if you'll break up with him when he gets home.

"Jimin," Jungkook nearly screamed near his ear. Jimin was so startled he fell back right on his butt, thankfully on the padded met. "You were going like crazy man."

Jungkook's words resting his body for a second made the adrenaline fade to reveal how tightly pulled his muscles actually were. A cramp in his left thigh made him double over, curses flowing from his lips.

"Are you that stressed about saying you love her?" Jungkook laughed as Jimin planted his face in the mat, growling both at the pain and his friend making fun of him. "Dude, you've been dating for six months and are more glued to each other than you were as friends. No way she doesn't love you back by now."

Jimin let out another growl, throwing himself on his back to stare at the ceiling. "What if I scared her – "

"Nah man, you scared me," Jungkook jammed a finger at Jimin's cheek. "Y/N was way overdue, and she's probably better at these things than you." Jimin found his hope in Jungkook's encouragement. "At least when she asked you on a date you were aware of that." Alas, just like that hope was lost. "Don't worry so much, it's chill."

It definitely wasn't chill, but the pain in Jimin's leg subsided and he decided that if you were going to break up with him anyway, he should just take it and move on. He could find someone else to love – who he didn't know because he can't really see anyone but you being right for him.

He could do it though. Probably.

Jungkook gave up on trying to get into rhythm again, choosing to offer Jimin a ride home. Jimin accepted just because he thought he might overthink himself into missing his stop on the bus and this torture will take longer.

He hugged Jungkook's back, basking in the human closeness because god knows he might lose hugging you to sleep at night. And waking up with you holding onto him in the morning. Also goodbye kisses, you playing with his hair, watching a movie with you sitting between his legs.

He would be crying if the speed of the motorcycle didn't dry his eyes so much.

"Chim it'll be fine," Jungkook reassured him again as he took the helmet from him. Jimin almost whimpered, leaning in for another hug that Jungkook accepted with a sigh.

The way up to your shared apartment – oh god where is he going to live after you break up with him? – seemed longer than ever before. Even when he had a couch on his back it seemed easier.

Who says surprise I love yous? What a dork. What an idiotic dork.

Finally standing at the door, Jimin wished for time to just stop. That way he will never lose you and will ever have to deal with what's to come. Your voice infiltrating his mind, telling him that you'll grow up together until being grown-ups is not so scary, is the only thing that gave him the strength to punch in the code and enter.

You poked your head from the kitchen, a smile on your face. Jimin watched you closely as he couldn't trust you yet.

"I started the space heater in the bathroom like 10 minutes ago, so it should be toasty," you informed him, stepping out to lean against the kitchen doorframe.

"Thank you," Jimin said in a small voice, moving to walk past you. At least he could take one last shower here and whatever you were cooking smelled amazing, he hoped you'll allow him to eat.

It did, and you developed an easy relationship around philosophy and his music, sharing thoughts and feelings on a deep level that surprised you. Namjoon trusted you, you had no idea why, but he trusted you not to go public with anything, to keep the real him, his thoughts, his music and his muse to yourself. So, you did.

He asked you out inside of a philosophy theory, laughing into his scarf when you just stared into the cup of coffee you were holding as you tried to piece together the implications of what he said.

You knew what you were giving up, and you were okay with it.

You unlocked your phone, the screen opening on your line conversation. The last message he sent you was ‘we’re going public’. Your message, ‘Who is?’ remained unanswered even three hours after you sent it.

Your house became relatively silent now that your heart was uncomfortably beating in your chest, loud enough to hear like a real drum. He couldn’t mean your relationship, right?

You gave up on shared pictures to flaunt, you gave up on telling your friends about your dates while using his real name. You gave up on them meeting him too, because you had no real clue how they’ll react to the news and his career was too important to try. You gave up on having an openly viewed relationship because your intimacy with Namjoon was just too much to lose.

You moved your eyes from the screen of your phone to the screen of your laptop, where the almost empty document that you’re supposed to hand in tomorrow staring back at you. All the metaphors that would have came easy to you in any other time just stared back, another riddle you cannot solve while feeling like you do.

Your way to Dispatch’s site was too easy. You spent the last three hours telling yourself that hearing whatever it was from Namjoon would have been better than to see it in a gossip site. Yet here you were, giving in to temptation. Namjoon’s picture was right there, in the center of the screen, bigger than pictures of other idols floating around. You closed your eyes before they could read the words and finally solve the mystery.

You lifted your hands to press your pointer fingers and rub at your temple, casting a shadow over your eyes that blocked some of the laptop’s light. The sun set while you were debating against yourself, and the laptop’s light was too harsh against your eyes.

Throwing the laptop off you, you finally lifted yourself from where you sat way too long, going straight for the light. Just as light filled your living room, your ringtone – you chose Reflection in a moment of unbearable love for your boyfriend – filled the room with its soft sounds. You walked closer, eyeing the picture of Ryan the Lion who filled your screen.

You could let his picture be there, not when he could have called you when other people were around your phone. Someone could notice. The character became familiar enough to belong to him by association, and even the sight of that made you smile.

“Yeah?” You answered, not bothering to play around. Namjoon always spotted the tone of your voice, there was no use in even trying. You learned that a long time ago.

“Babe,” He sounded a little out of breath. “I got news.”

You sat on the couch, pushing your laptop’s screen down with a victorious smile. At the very last moment you didn’t need to surrender to curiosity. “You got news three hours ago, thank you for finally recalling me.”

“I know how nervous you feel.” A door closed on his side of the line, and his surrounding turned completely quiet. Only when the contras came did you notice how noisy it was before he closed the door. “I’m sorry for taking so long.”

“Can you tell me now?”

“Okay,” His tone changed to a more excited note, and you couldn’t help but getting excited with him. One of the most amazing things about him is his excitement, not limited to anything from this realm on. “You remember out date last week? Your friend changed her Facebook status to ‘In a Relationship’ and you got super excited for her. Remember?”

You had no idea what to say. The direction that his words started taking was too close to your hopes. You gave up on all sorts of things in this relationship, yet you still craved them. Your friend’s Facebook status really was exciting, she shared something with you – and you wanted to do the same. You couldn’t, though; and it was okay. Just fine. Really.

Namjoon gave up on an acknowledgement that you’re not going to give him, “I have been talking to my managers and Bang PD. It took some time, I thought it’s going to take longer and I could prepare you for this, but everything happened so fast just now, and I gave a statement and it’s over.”

He was falling over his words and you felt like you were falling in love all over again. “Namjoon,” You spoke his name softly, your hand resting over your heart as you melted into the couch.

“I made a Facebook account,” Namjoon laughed, the small quiver in his voice not missed by your trained ear. “You can change your status now. We are – prepare for it – “You laughed before he finished the sentence, already knowing where this cliché is going. It’s so stupid and so Namjoon – “Facebook Official! Surprise!”

You kept laughing, wetness in your eyes that soon spilled out and you were so happy Namjoon is not around to see you cry, even if the strong emotion is coming from the crazy amount of happiness you were feeling.

“Is that lame?” He asked in the happiest, most hopeful tone you’ve ever heard on him. Even more than when he talked about especially romantic philosophical approach while gazing into your eyes.

“You’re lame.”

“I’m your lame.”

Everything felt so warm and welcoming, you couldn’t help but looking at Hoseok every chance you got. He was always there for you, sweet and welcoming and happy enough for the both of you. This kind of domestic scene was something you just did sometimes, usually with more clothes then this moment, but that small fact meant nothing to you for the time being.

What did matter though, were the same thoughts you had every single time you found yourself playing house with Hoseok. Could this be a thing? You and him, humming along to music as you build an actual home between you. Your friendship was golden, the sex was great, and you knew Hoseok is someone you could trust with your body, spirit and soul with closed eyes. You trusted him, and you loved him. Was this kind of love enough to grow into…. More? Like, much more?

You jumped slightly when something wet was splatted on your face. You stared at Hoseok as he laughed at your expression. “You’re staring! Is the post sex glow making me that hypnotizing?”

You stuck your tongue out to get a taste of the substance. It was whipped cream, the same one he was currently using to give your latest pancake a crown of sunshine rays. “What if I said you were?”

Hoseok’s smile widened, “Then I’d tell you to get some of this when we’re done eating.”

“Don’t you think I got enough just now?”

Hosoek moved his warm orbs to stare right back at yours, and for a second, you saw him looking just a little less sure than he was seconds ago. With a swift movement, Hoseok collected the rest of the whipped cream from your lips – with his own. With a chuckle at your suddenly wide eyes, he moved his thumb to reach the remaining his quick kiss left behind. “Like you could ever get enough,” He joked, tongue coming out to lick the whipped cream from his thumb.

It all happened so fast, you remained speechless even at his innuendo. You stared at him as he brought the two plates he was done preparing to the table, before quickly moving towards you to turn the fire off and grab the last pancake off of it. “Snap out of it, baby. It’s food time!”

You allowed him to move you to the table, sitting you down in front of the prettier plate. His eyes were trained on you, and even through his bright smile, you could see he was a little shy from shaking. You didn’t see the kiss coming, and his reaction made you wonder if he saw it coming before he did it himself.

You decided to think your reaction through while eating. The meal was tenser then it usually was with the exchange of nervously shy glances and very few words. Your plate was empty by the time you felt the pressure to say something, anything, to go back to the feeling you felt before the kiss.

If he went that far, maybe the long shot of you not being alone in those wondering thoughts is far from missing it’s aim?

“Hoseok,” Your friend snapped into attention in front of you. “It felt right. The kiss, that is.”

He visibly breathed out, like what he puffed out wasn’t air, but physical pressure on his body. “Thank god. I thought I messed up for a second there, like I didn’t read the moment right.”

“It’s funny to watch you be so nervous,” You admitted and finally, the last of the nervous air between you broke with the sound of his laughter.

“Thanks for making me fidget for the entire breakfast for your own amusement,” He shook his head as if he was disappointed, but his face shone too bright to be.

“It was fun, but I was actually thinking,” You broke the eye  contact to toy with a stranded blueberry on your plate. Your fork stabbed into it quite easy, and made it just distracting enough to drag the blueberry through the maple pooling on your plate. “You know how Namjoon’s wedding is coming up and we talked about dates?”

“Right,” Hoseok agreed immediately.

“So I was thinking, why not go together,” Your voice was shaking a little, like you weren’t sitting in front of your best friend and closest person on this entire planet. Like you were actually scared of his reaction. “I mean, we spend too much time and effort on each other to date other people as it is.”

“So why not just date?”

You looked up at him to find he’s in the exact same place as you were – a mix of scared, uncomfortable and very hopeful. You nodded and watched his features change. He no longer looked scared and practically the opposite of uncomfortable.

Hoseok pushed his chair back and walked around the table, strong arms lifting you from your chair to wrap your legs around his body. You could already feel the beginning of an erection pressing into your barely covered thigh.

“I can’t believe you feel the same,” Hoseok spoke right before you took hold of his lips for a better use. You didn’t care where he was taking you at this moment, not when his lips moved so feverently against your own, when his body was so close and warm, and just words away from being completely yours.

Hoseok threw you down on the bed, disconnecting you only to swiftly climbing on top of you to reconnect. You wrapped your entire body around him, kissing his lips, cheek, neck; anywhere you could reach and leave a mark on.

“Y/N?” The simple sound of your name coming from his lips at this moment almost made you moan. “I love you.”