#115. lev

tsukishima had one drunken night when he impulse bought brown hair dye from the pharmacy. he never had the courage to do anything about it, & it's expired in his closet. he chooses to forget about it.

lev accidentally shaved off his eyebrows as a child yes there are pictures

shibaru does not cut his own bangs but as a child he did cut his older brother's hair & felt vindictive pride about it. he looked like this doing it

tanaka has periodically grown back just enough hair that he can bleach it, dye it something colorful for the #cause, because he's #deep but then he buzzes it again

asahi doesn't know how to braid his hair, but he's tried to braid it to get it out of his face. he was alarmed when it knotted, & he thought for a second that he was going to have to get a buzz cut.

it is one of those days. when lev woke that morning, his agent frowned at him. they ate rice together; they had barely taken sips from their paper cups of tea, & his agent frowned at him.

first, lev thought it was because his agent hadn't had coffee. lev has always preferred tea first in the morning -- as a child, his family had insisted ( a little desperately ) that he didn’t need much caffeine. they conceded green tea to him, & it worked out; lev likes the feeling of green tea freshness on his tongue. tea is his ritual, but coffee ground its way into his habits in his twenties. when he works late, it becomes a necessity.

his agent, however, is the opposite. his agent likes coffee when he wakes, coffee when he sleeps. he is a nice man, to be fair. he's got energy to match lev's , & that's a beautiful thing -- even if the man only buzzes the way he does because of the caffeine.

one of those days: where lev fidgets a little & smiles the next. where he isn't really sure why he's the subject of an interview, even if he loves the conversation. where he gets lost three times in the alleys trying to find his lyft home. where he finishes the work day a little more tired than he wants to admit, a little better dressed than he'd like to be, & with his evening cup of coffee.

lev is an early riser. he's been in motion since 5:45, & he's been mostly on his feet since then, & he hates to look tired. to do so feels like a self betrayal.

but he has made it to the evening, shuffling into a hotel lobby & tapping the toes of his shoes against shiny tile. he’s never been shy, so he tips sideways enough to see down the line. in the process ( out of the corner of his eye ), lev spots a free phone game flashing from the hands of person in front of him.

of course, he comments on it. of course, he tells the truth & wheedles ‘ i lost that game on the third level. ’

the stranger in front of him jumps a little, & she tells him off for being distracting. which is fair — she’s got a level to finish. lev can’t help but laugh.

he can’t tell if the sound is a little strained or not. a million times before, he’s heard: you're being distracting / can you stop fidgeting / that's just lev being lev.

his reception to these comments depends on the day. sometimes, it’s helpful — guidance in moments where lev loses track of what he’s doing. he sometimes loses track; at those moments, little tethers to the present are welcome.

but it’s one of those days. today, the comment smarts a little. even though lev laughs, his lower lip juts out a little, & he shakes his head. whatever, he says without speaking. lev has always been a little too honest with his features.

but then he gets excited. for nothing, he gets excited. he recognizes her now from local connections, from events to which his sister had dragged him.

as a collective, the line takes a step forward.

lev has always found that his memory is unreliable at best, but his proclivity for faces ? it's his party trick. he can always remember those he sees - from afar, from up close. to see a person & remember them is to know them.

it may be one of those days, but lev forgets it in a heart beat.

' okaaaay, but you're that person! the one who skated once! i’m gonna guess what you are now. are you ... a corporate ceo ? or a news editor? a skater still? no offense , ' lev’s eyes give a metal glint. no offense is always a dangerous line to give —-

but lev throws a compliment into the lobby like it’s the world’s worst frisbee. ' but you look like you could eat me alive. you kinda looked that way ages ago. pretty sure you knew my sister. alisa ? she sucked when she skated, but she did alright. she doesn't suck generally! just sometimes. she sucks a whole lot less than i do, though, you know? ‘

lev has never been graceful. he can fake being graceful, though.

his toes keep against the tiles; lev smiles apologetically.

it’s late, the line is slow, &

lev has been told that there’s a game. it’s not a secret game, but it’s a game —- to see how much lev will take at face value because he’s sometimes ( always ) a little unsuspecting. the game never had its origins with lev —- but his willingness to dive headfirst / headstrong makes him a little high at risk for being the game’s high target.

lev is told that the game preceded kuroo, that the game always followed the ritual of upperclassmen ( or former upperclassmen, now that they’re no longer in school ) challenging their juniors to do something. even if the game preceded kuroo . . . it is kuroo’s game now. he champions it & resurrects the game as they play a little reunion spell that lev accidentally initiated when he came home to visit tokyo, to do some work, & to

thrive in impromptu phone calls when lev spotted a restaurant that reminds him of a place he went with the nekoma team ( it’s not even the same restaurant ). & impromptu though the call may be . . . at least it was made within the same timezone. kuroo isn’t always that lucky.

kuroo picked up & listened to lev ramble about things he saw on the street in lieu of a hello. lev remembers to say that he’s in tokyo, & kuroo is in tokyo so

lev accidentally initiated an in-person hello at the restaurant that isn’t even the same restaurant they visited before &

it’s a satisfying meal. lev thanks the owner repeatedly & tries to negotiate cooking lessons & posts a picture about the food online but —

half of the time, lev had forgotten to eat properly. busily, he passed time speaking with his mouth full about old times / new times / everything in between — & busily, he bowed his head in a request for kuroo to tell his own stories.

gossip always builds an appetite in lev. at the same time, it also slows him from remembering to actually . . . taste anything —-

his upperclassman seems to understand, from the way that he’s been snickering in between bites.

it’s a satisfying meal. they step outside, & the sun blares a loud melody. it casts a celebratory air on lev, & it’s misleading because it’s not remotely hot. hello winter chills, & lev’s hand plunges into his pocket to retrieve a vape pen but —

distracted, he winds up following kuroo instead. they agreed to walk together after the meal, so lev’s hands fold themselves within the fabric of his coat pockets. there’s a small park lev hadn’t noticed before — & he loves a park.

. . . loves them & quickly hates them when he realizes he’s confined by city borders. the sight of green always makes him want trees & walls of foliage but

city parks are far too manicured.

they walk, & the path turns to gravel beneath their feet. a stand sells tea, & it’s cold enough that they join the line without intention.

conversation lapses. remember: even if the game preceded kuroo . . . it was kuroo’s game now.

to fill the space, kuroo nods nonchalantly towards a small pond to their right. the pond could perhaps pass as a large puddle, if it weren’t far too manicured. an elderly couple stops at its shore to study small ripples of water. to fill the space, kuroo says something along the lines of

did you know, people step inside that pool for good luck? shoes off, socks off, smelly feet & all.

if that were true, there’s usually a sign that tells people about that sort of thing.

but lev takes things at face value. the game continues, & lev moves too fast. he kicks off his shoes & bends to roll up the cuffs of his pants before kuroo can process. & with too much confidence, lev takes three quick steps towards the pool — it’s cold outside, & his feet are starting to regret it.

the tips of his toes touch water, & kuroo grabs his shoulder — to stop him?

lev moves too fast; he steps into ice water, & the suddenness of the motion makes kuroo stagger into the water too: shoes on, socks on, smelly feet & all.

the elderly couple looks mildly alarmed, &

now lev processes that kuroo had just been saying things to say things. he scrunches his nose & hops into grass to try & dry his feet & stares at kuroo’s flooded shoes.

’ . . . you’re gonna get sick, ‘ he says unhelpfully.

they’ve lost their spot in line for tea.

answer: yes. lev is avoiding yaku again. he’s avoiding the drills because he wouldn’t be human if he didn’t avoid them, & he’s avoiding the conditioning because that is miserable & just makes him sweat droplets on the gymnasium floor. it’s a little gross, but that’s okay.

answer: yes. lev is avoiding yaku again, but it has nothing to do with the staring & the questions that he formulates —- he has no intension to make her tense, to make her nervous &

here’s the thing —- lev has no clue who makiko’s siblings are. & to be fair, he assumes that she only knows of his sibling because she shows up to matches sometimes & cheers for lev & makes him smile. alisa is memorable to some because she’s a pretty woman, & it’s easy for people to think of her as a fantasy crush. it’s a little gross, & it’s not great.

lev loves his sister, but people do not know him because of her.

he love his sister, and his team knows her because of him.

frankly, lev is a little confused because it’s not the same for makiko. ‘ hah ? i don’t get it. they’re your siblings. they’re a part of your life. people mostly just say that alisa & i are alike . . . & how come we don’t burn the apartment down. but that’s about us, y’know? ‘

blue --- that’s all lev sees. & he bounces on the balls of his feet to consider the hurt etched in bruises on his companion. with vivid color they sing songs about tried & true work / effort / or clumsiness ? lev can’t really tell . . . maybe bruises are just a risk that comes with being short. 

    ‘  you bet bruises on your knees so often they are like tattoos! kinda . . . i mean, people would fight you more here for the tattoos, probably. you okay? do you trip over your own feet? maybe you should wear kneepads! i do! ‘