#11.16.14

That movie was hella cute and really awesome. So much love for some of the characters. Super futuristic and heavy on immortality rather than loss? Which I don't know how I feel about that one but it just feels real dark.

Time | Jungle

Everybody wants a change of pace. Whether it is to fill a void or to look forward to tomorrow; rarely anyone takes notice of today. We miss the petite things and the grand things, and always look at it in our own perspectives. Like a mirror, wanting to see the reflection they want to see and turn away from the reflection it presents us with. Through this, people get lost. Our lives turn into tragedies, guiding us to the far shore away from the people of the near shore. In the end, we all seem to be wandering aimlessly in the dark, waiting for someone to come out with a tiny flame to guide us through. And when no one comes, we stare down at our reflections in the semi-transparent water wondering how we had gotten here and why. The answer was so simple, it had been within us all along; lurking at the bottom of our heart. But because human beings are selfish and idiotic creatures, we resent the truth and look for our own. Little did we know that our own had created the darkness that wallowed us up. That the lit torch was nowhere to be found until we faced our reflection clearly and head on with a willful heart. We were going nowhere…at least not in this world.

@orlandomeetup: NIALL WAS RIGHT NEXT TO US

I try so hard to be someone, like maybe one of those intellectuals but also with a bit of punk and hippie and grunge thrown in, yet still classy and clever and philosophical. I’ve gotten really good at pretending to know what I’m talking about, about the universe and literature and the system. I fucking hate it. I’m so sick of myself. Behind all the masks I have built up around me, I’m just a scared girl whose mother never taught her about the female reproductive system and who spent years looking at the lingerie sections of magazines to stare at other women’s breasts, never having a name for my attraction to women until I learned about the gays in my health class in 7th grade surrounded by a bunch of kids who used the word as an insult. The problem is, I don’t know what I want from this world. I don’t share the same values as my parents; that would have been too easy. I can’t even tell you what I want for dinner without contemplating the ultimate futility of my choice. I think I’ve always been this way. I’ve always felt so far away from people, from normalcy. I remember feeling like this in the third grade, when I got sent to the principal’s office for hitting a girl who was making fun of me and she wouldn’t stop and I remember crying in the office and for the life of me I couldn’t say what was wrong but it’s the same feeling that carried into the halls of my high school as I pushed past people with blurred faces, ghosts waiting to pass on, and I’m wondering if this is just part of me that I will have to live with forever because I’m not sure I can do that.