My new Assistant Principal was impressed that I control over 100 2nd graders and then 100 3rd graders to line up and get ready for lunch recess by myself... I was like, "Girl, if there's one thing I excel at it's commanding an audience!!!" It never even occurred to me to need another adult to organize a grade level.

The number of times my mother has asked me if I am drunk compared to the number of times I've actually been drunk is sad.