#100316

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#AYearWithSiren makes me feel complete. Thank You for an awesome year with you, Siren. It was be a roller-coaster-ride journey. You made me weak, you made me strong but the most important is that you really made me who and where am I right now. More years with you to look forward, Siren. Thank You for giving me the awesome team I could ever had. ❤ #ToBeAPartner. #100316

i didn't eat dinner i wasn't hungry i lied in bed and stared at the ceiling 80% of the night. the other times i'm just watching simply nailogical videos. and sometimes in the middle of her videos i will start sobbing. for nothing. when my mind is blank. ill sob. i've become a sobbing machine i didn't bathe before i sleep. i couldn't even bring myself to walk to the toilet to wash up. i hate being like that... i really do. i never used to be like that. i would always bathe before i go to sleep i woke up because i had a nightmare. i forgot what it was but it made me cry. i don't want to cry anymore... it's honestly so tiring and my eyes get rly swollen. sometimes my eyes hurt so much that i cry even more. which makes zero sense. then i went back to sleep and when i woke up i attempted to settle my internship stuff. but i realised i didn't have the paperwork. i don't want to go down and print the things needed. i don't want people to see me even though my eyes have stopped swelling and i have stopped crying. so i went to bathe. and while bathing i suddenly felt like sobbing. out of no where. i stopped myself. maybe this is the first step to not crying so much anymore. and now i'm writing this. what should i do today? i have so much time because i woke up so early. i have so much to do. but i can't seem to get anything done, except cry.