#100211

I feel like I should tell someone this so why not pretend as if someone is reading this. That's close enough as to telling someone. Anyways, as a human being we all make mistakes. I've made a few but my problem is I don't say what made me do them. I have a tendency of assuming you can read my mind. I know it's weird. But I don't think I'm the only one out there. Anyways, I've been with Ronald for two years. Yes we've argued to the point where we broke up for a month but go back together but I kept talking to him (like the annoying person I am) and we became closer again. This time I'm certain I have the strongest feelings towards him. We've talked about everything, he's forgiven me, & he supports me when nobody else does which is all I can ask for honestly. I cannot wait until this summer because it'll be beyond perfect with you. I tell you I love you every day so you don't forget. I am so lucky and grateful that you accept me for who I am and you still genuinely care about me and love me. I know for a fact that ever since you got me that ring for my birthday that you're stuck with me for good. I tell you that a lot too lol. I have your heart and you trust me with it and you have my heart and I trust you with it just perfectly fine.

Alright so I might as well just fucking rant. Anyways, we're dating again. Cool you can be happy for me or just say this is a mistake. I'll fucking learn on my own. I won't acknowledge your existence just because you don't "approve" of it. I'm not putting up with that bullshit. It's not like you two are dating?! I can take care of my self I am almost 18. If anything he's helped me out through a lot. He means a lot to me and I want him to stick around because he makes me happy and picks me up when I'm down. He makes the suicidal thoughts go away. I didn't see anyone trying to help me when I was beyond upset that I had to get help and talk to a therapist. He's the person I vent to and can talk to anything about. I just think you'll have to get over it because he helps. He makes me forget how shity home is.

I'm looking on the bright side of this whole situation. If he wants to still give it time then by all means I'm okay with that because I know when we go on our date it'll all be better again not really it'll actually be perfect way better than before, my mind is racing and there's so many things I want to do. I want to go biking in DC for the day, go to the beach again, go to the pool together, cook together, movie nights, watch catching fire and other movies, having our bum days again, and we are working out more together that's for sure! I just need to wait two weeks. I know you're probably like only two weeks? Really you can't wait two weeks but you don't understand how impatient I am it's terrible. But I'd rather wait for something that's going to happen than force it to happen right now if he doesn't feel the same way. It'll be for the best. Plus we're still texting as friends so I have hope. I should probably start eating again and stop cutting. I'm finally getting happy again and nobody is going to ruin this. I'm not giving up on this and I know for sure he hasn't either.

[100211] [Predebut] Hyukjin singing 꿈을 꾸다 by Kim Tae Woo at VOSS academy.