#092312

redemption on repeat.  i don't think i can do this. i sat there numb watching the waves crashing against the wall of rocks until my hands starting shaking enough to assemble a jumbled mess of words. something along the fine lines between i can't stand it any longer, i miss you and i can't stop thinking about you. you asked me why and i couldn't answer that. "i don't know what to tell you." i sat there blankly because i didn't know what i wanted you to tell me. 

after sam found out i barely ate anything for 3 days and cut until i passed out yesterday, he spent the next 26 hours straight with me.. not leaving my side for a moment and keeping me company so i wouldn't feel alone and be tempted to do other stupid things. he didn't try to force me to talk about the sadness i felt but didn't understand, but instead reminded me of the  happiness that exists beyond it. he finally went to bed just now but wow, i've never felt so happy in my life. i don't know what i would do without him.

you are the greatest thing to happen to me.

even if it was for 30 short minutes, it made my day. 

you have no idea how many times a month, a week, a day, i re-read our conversations and wish i were talking to you instead. wake up soon, sunshine. i miss you.