I feel bad for what I did to my body yesterday, but I was in such a need to hurt myself that I couldn't cope. I was drinking heavily, vodka and beer, snorting tons of brown powder and smoking cigarettes, which I never do. And I was feeling so good dancing with my friends and people that usually annoy me, but as the highs were high, the lows were low. I felt so great, I was spinning, everything was bright, I loved the music, I loved the people and most of all, I loved how my body worked differently from how it does normally. I wanted to drown myself in drugs, I wanted to make my skin and brain ang heart go numb, I wanted to fly and dissappear. And I got that, for brief moments. I remember laying on the grass, staring at the sky, the water, the fire, the people, and wanting to go away and never come back. It felt so good and so sad, and so happy.