#080710

Im proud of you for taking chances and realizing that it's not that you're hard to love but it's really just that we don't know what love is. Which is why ours was so toxic.

I'm proud of you and happy for you as I am also happy for myself, finding someone who's kind and understanding and patient, even if my triggers come up a lot and my emotions spill over. It happens less now that I feel safe.

I pray that happens for you too. I pray you feel safe with him eventually. And I wish you the best of luck.

While I'm still sorry it didn't work out, the universe has showed me why. And being told about your posts and reading them for myself has showed me why (as well as living the life I am living without you)

Thank you for everything we had, even when it was bad. It's so nice to hear that you are becoming you and I am becoming me and I am so grateful and I hope that things work out for you and you remain happy.

Im not sure if you'll ever see this but I wanted to put it out there.

It's fucking halloween and it's hard, it always is, even years later, but I'm learning to live the life I've always wanted and I hope you can find the same.

Unfortunately I think we will always carry a part of each other, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I need like skin to skin cuddling. Sleeping together.

There's only one person I think of when I think of this and it's probably because it was the last time I cuddled and really felt love(d) and comfortable and we just fit so well together.

But I also think of some of our last cuddles and how I could kind of tell that was it. It was ending. As much as that hurts to think about I knew it to be true. I tried and tried and held on to hope for so long because I loved her so much and it just wasn't enough.

And that's okay. I'll find that comfortable love(d) feeling again someday.

But in times like these when all I want to do is come home and have someone's lap to lay on, someone to hug and hold, someone to tell my day to and lay in bed next to... she's who I think about.