#05092015

London Loop footpath, Carpenders Park, Herts (just north of the border with the London Borough of Harrow); 5.9.2015

The fuck you using this shit for. Damn I can't have one social media that you don't stalk.

we arent even dating anymore yet i still blog about this piece of shit. what the fuck do you want if youre still stalking my tumble man. you want me to admit shit thats not even true. i dont know what you want from me jose, you want me to say i never loved you but i dont lie. you wanna say i dont love you anymore ARE YOU IN MY FUCKING BODY ARE YOU MY BRAIN OR HEART TO TELL ME HOW I FEEL YOU FUCKING IDIOT YOU DONT KNOW SHIT SO LEAVE ME ALONE STOP ASSUMING SHIT.

i am really thinking about leaving my abusive relationship and i need help. ill get back to you on this.

I hate myself, a lot. 

im cutting, taking in 10 pills in at a time. just an attention seeker. thats all i am, i am everything disastrous. hey. im ending my life now. youre all welcome. 

okay well now i know that no one is on my fucking side cause seriously im just a piece of fucking shit. not even my boyfriend. seriously no one cares. im just a fucking a wall. a brick wall. thats all i fucking am. to fucking everybody. please fucking kill me. yep im sorry for putting you through this. now everyone understands what you fucking go through. right? cause fuck this. and fuck me. and fuck everything cause no one really gives a damn about how i feel im just the suicidal prick that everyone thinks i am, and theyre right. im nothing more than a depressed bitch. cause even he can call me that. this doesnt really go anywhere. i am not schizophrenic. im fucking fine. no one just understands me. at all. please someone fucking listen to me. please im not crazy or anything im perfectly fine. im fat. and annoying and insecure according to everyone. and theyre fucking right cause i dont love myself. at all, i dont know who i want to be at all. im so fucking stupid. please just take my life before i do, actually ill do it soon i promise you guys. ill end it all tonight, ill fucking end it all tonight how about that will that fucking make anyone happy please say yes. cause ive never made anyone happy will killing myself finally bring happiness to everyone in my fucking life. please, tell me what to do. ill do anything. im sorry. goodbye? 

is anybody here. can anyone hear me. someone please. come help me. im really sad. i need help. ive been losing my mind. i am not happy with myself. i dont want to drag anyone into this. just let me be by myself. im depressed as fuck stressed as fuck. i just wanted to be loved. i dont wanna die like this. i never imagined myself like this. sometimes i wonder if i was someone else that id be happier. i dont care how anyone feels after i die. no one would be sad. im taking it one day at a time, but even thats too much for me. its okay im sorry. so much pain. i dont wanna live to see another day. just make sure my family knows i love them to death if anything happens. im so sad, please someone help.