#0507

As of T3 confirming Kazui's queerness, I can only think that one sided 0507 was essentially canon. What interests me is that Shidou seems to be a departure from Kazui's usual type looks-wise. His bartender friend definitely has a more rugged more typically masculine look to him. Now, it can be argued and is true that Kazui didn't exactly have many options for a new man to drool over in prison, but I also think there is a simple explanation here.

Much like the protagonist of the Yukio Mishima novel that Kazui's T3 voice drama is named for, Confessions of a Mask, Kazui seems to have not been especially tall and athletic the way he is now when he was young. He might have rather enjoyed that disparity between himself and the man he was in love with. I think these screenshots and his general submissive/typically feminine leaning in relationships bolsters that idea.

All this is not to say that Shidou is a feminine man per se, because he isn't really, especially in terms of his demeanour, career, values, behaviour etc. It's true that Shidou as we met him in Milgram was a gentle and understanding person, conflict averse to a fault, but he was still very much more assertive and proactive than Kazui. The role of protector and carer came very naturally to him in a way that it did not to Kazui, which is part of why Kazui admired him so much.

Still, Shidou has nothing on Kazui when it comes to physicality. Mahiru even commented that he is on the slim side for his height and should probably eat more in an early timeline. From what we've seen of Kazui's friend and the way Kazui sees him/his attraction, I think it's safe to say he was probably well built too.

My partner humorously pointed out Kazui's very obvious twink death as of becoming a police officer/completely committing himself to his hypermasculine deceit. He was absolutely right. When we saw Kazui and his childhood friend together as teenagers at the end of Camouflage though, Kazui gave off a very different impression to the one he gives off now with his gel-free hair, smooth face and bashful flush. He'd probably land somewhere in the realm of cute rather than handsome.

My point, moreover, is that I think in crushing on Shidou Kazui experienced the oh-so-common phenomenon that is attraction getting mixed up with admiration/envy. The age old question: do I want them, or do I want to be them? The answer, here, was both.