#04162017

you’ll say that I’m weird  but what is weird? not being you? not acting  under the social construction of norms that society has brainwashed our minds with? you’re my friend. Although not knowing the nosiness of what makes me, me. You hurt me.  emotionally like I’m your punching bag. how do you live with that you tease me.  it may may be loving to an extent. as the saying goes, “There’s always a little truth behind every joke.” you’re kidding. loneliness fills my bucket  weighing me down slowly  with every drop of icy hot water my feet are stuck in quick sand trying to come out, but never seeming to do so. oh how will i continue? there’s light at the end of ‘every’ tunnel, but all i see is darkness what hell of a tunnel if there was a way out i’d go.  just keep trying i’d say keep pushing they’ll change but what was i thinking  false. no one can make someone change if only it were that easy with a snap. BAM. changed. just keep going and you’ll find your ways. you deserve better  that’s what they all say.

my thoughts can go crazy from having tremendous highs to the deepest lows. trying to find myself searching,looking, seeking what is it?  so impatient  zip. zap. zoom.

maintenance is this who i am? food clothes cleanliness is that too much? you say dogs are like a child meaningless. supervision. management. am i not worth your money? oh the thoughts i’ve had about my children never wanting them to feel abandoned too much work too much to handle fuck, do i matter? it comes down to you maintenance