#041212

c

Nem sempre tu é capaz de enxergar através do que tu vê. Demora tempo para o que não é visível aos teus olhos penetrar na tua alma. E é, de forma ou outra, o que acontece a quase tudo. Tu não acredita que aquela viagem louca que houve na tua cabeça possa se tornar na tua busca mais sincera. Tem uns caras que fazem questão de lembrar disso sempre.  Os caras tiveram uma ideia maluca, enfim, levaram-na a sério. Os caras se tornaram nisso que tu vê. Os caras são maiores do que tu consegue ver. Porque os caras são maiores que as muralhas. Porque em cada dia da minha vida, eu vou sentir toda a história que eles têm pra contar. Porque, apesar de estarmos sozinhos, haverá quem vai te fazer sorrir. É claro que não vai ser num instante que tu vai mudar, se tu achar que tu não é capaz. Preserva os castelos que tu construir. Lembra que ainda dá pra evaporar. Aquelas feridas, uma de cada lugar, vão mudar, que tu nem vai perceber, mesmo que doam demais. Ainda que ninguém te ouça gritar. Ainda que ninguém vá te salvar. Ainda que o céu te atraia mais que o chão, nem todo mal desse mundo vai nos enfraquecer, a verdade vai prevalecer. Saiba que a nossa história não acaba aqui. Vocês são inspiração, caras. Vocês nos motivam, vocês preenchem lacunas, jamais cabíveis de matéria, de alma. Graças a vocês, a partir de vocês, por influência de vocês. Eu to correndo atrás da minha ideia insana. Eu preciso lembrar que eu existo. A minha busca não vai parar, por mais que eu não saiba lidar, eu vou ter que partir daqui. Não vai ser num determinado lugar, vai ser em qualquer lugar. O meu lugar. Um lugar só meu. O infinito tá em nossas mãos.  Vocês são gigantes. E eu to feliz pra caralho. #Fresno13Anos.

Tonight we had a dinner for grandpa’s 9 months death thingy. Not sure what you call it but that’s what it is.— I don’t know but I’ve been really sensitive lately. I haven’t been myself and what I mean by that is in good deeds. I even started praying the rosary! It hit me even more when I had a talk with my grandma tonight. It felt unusual.. as if she was really there with me. I even felt like a child again. We had a good conversation going but since time was running out we got interrupted. I will cherish every moment I have with her. Knowing she’s the only grandparent I have left gives me more of a reason to not beat around & waste the time I have left with not only her but with each and every one of my love ones cause you’d be surprised on how short life really is. They’re the reason why I’m here on my feet. Hm. 2012 was a trying year for my family but on a good note it brought us all closer together and I hope it’ll remain this way forever. We really miss you grandpa. You never do leave our hearts. I love all of you and hold you all so dear. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. Same goes for you uncle Lando! Hope you liked the flowers I got you for your first year (:

Just got done writing letters to the boys & just, it hit me more than ever tonight. I miss them alot. It's been almost 9 months.. I remember the day it happened so clearly, but on that day, it really didn't hit me that they were going to be gone for a long time. I mean, we still get to see them every weekend but it's not the same. Not at all. Remembering all the good times we all had when they were out here & how different things were. I'm closer to some, more than others but I'm thankful to have them all in my life & to have met them. They've all been there for me at one time or another.. Blong, we definitely had a rough ass start! Smh, lol. I'll never forget that night you made me cry & hate you so much. But I'm glad I got to get to know you and see the real you. Thanks for your "love" advice haha & always making me laugh. Meng, I admire you so much for being such a good dad to your son. And for always being such a good uncle to your niece & nephew. You may have a temper, but you definitely have a soft spot. And thanks for being there when I was crying my eyes out & for all the talks, & for listening. Smith, thanks for all the rides you've given me & being so caring when your brother was a douchebag. I really appreciate it. Sou Liam, thanks for always having my back & being a great older cousin. I've known you all my life & this is the closest I've ever been to you & I'm so thankful for that. You have the biggest heart, & would do anything for the people you love. Sorry for the times I didn't listen to you and was being so stubborn & ignorant. Joshua, I'll never forget the caring, sweet ass kid I met years ago. I remember whenever me & Pheng would fight, you would always try to help patch things up with us & cared so much about the both of us. Honestly, we were so close & things ain't the same anymore, but I know you'd be there for me whenever & I would for you. Thanks for being such a good uncle, I know you'll make such a good dad one day. Jonathan, our friendship is a rollercoaster ride.. you're probably the only guy I've told everything to & can trust. Im glad we met through Pheng & thankful to have you in my life. You're like a brother & best friend to me. There were times where I wanted nothing to do with you & where we had a falling out, but I'm glad we worked things out. I'll always be there for you no matter what happens & thank you for all the times you've been there for me, all the advice, basically everything. BDCM always! -- basically a thank you to the boys for all they've done for me & each one of them has impacted my life. Thankful for each & every one of them. Love & miss them so much, theyre in my prayers & hoping for the best! ❤