#03.18.11

 Friday night. We spent the night together watching Toy Story 3 in the Little Theater. This was technically my second time watching it with him, but the first time we watched it, I fell asleep. I never realized how emotionally that movie was until today. Afterwards, Andy and I went to McDonalds to just talk the night away. I love every moment I spend with you, love <3 I hope we watch a bunch of more movies together!

doing everything within two weeks is like already a month! or better say, a year! haha! anyway. i wanna start this by those unlikable "statements" first.

conflict there, conflict here, bad words there, backstabbing here. let's face it. those happened and what the hell. can't we do it without any of your personal grievances? cause it simply sucks. why can't we do it as a group and set aside whatever your issues are. it greatly affected the whole production even though it must not be. we wasted time. nakaka inis lang. nag open forum then wala namang nangyari e. you just all wanted to hear and voice out your personal issues that are not needed for the production. or maybe, you wanted something else. whatever it is, i don't know.

we need involvement and initiative. i think that's all we need so don't stone everything at her at him at yourself at us. and that's the thing we can never achieve if we will continue having these caterwauls and taking our prides to a higher level. after all the crying, the tears, everything, it seemed nothing happened. the class has been divided, right? so why can't we put everything back where in we work together as a team? 

then the moment came. why all of a sudden.. woah! everything was freaking awesome! at first, there was a little number of audience who fell in line to watch the play. then poof! what a full house we got. then the lights went on, everybody clapped their hands. was it because of the "amazing set" which someone said, "gagawin lang natin to para may ma i present." that definitely hurt man. we as we, put all of our efforts to finish the base coating of it even partially for it to be ready on time and someone said that? then look. swallow what you said. everyone in the hall clapped their hands for the awesome lights and the amazing set design! the play, it went so good. that's why i am saying, it is a realistic fairytale. after the show, what i felt was something i never felt before. something i can sense that i can only feel if i am on fairyland having fairytales. then one of those fairytales happened in reality. in reality. in reality where in there are ups and downs [more downs than ups sometimes], where in happily ever after isn't certain. but last friday, nevertheless, it was a happily ever after. everyone was dancing in joy, crying in happiness and apologizing for what happened. after every sleepless nights, those meals we skipped, those days and nights we left home and did not come back at the same day, everything was WORTH IT! everything. everything!

i could still remember when we were still fixing things. i know that i said we should set aside "personal" issues first but just like in "debate" it is not feasible. it's not going to happen that we can ever exclude our personal issues. she said a compliment then i saw a number of eyes looked at her. shame! wasn't that supposed to be at me? i was the one who did it. it really hit me like a lightning. i am not elusive as water. i have my pride and i know it should be at me. it should be me taking it but they looked at her. whenever i remember those looks, i feel so disappointed. why? they didn't even bother to ask me if it is okay with me. even a plain simple text, none. i know i said "bahala na sila, kung yan ang ikagaganda, OK lang sa akin." 'cause that's me. i won't settle to my ideas if i know there is or there are better than mine. but on what happened, it's a different story. they should've asked. i would say yes. but it already happened and i'm glad it made everything better. but... yeah. i'm getting redundant in here. too much nonsense. i just hope that if this would happen again, that thing won't be a part of it anymore.

things happened. she asked me, "kaya mo namang gawin yon diba?" and i nod. in my mind, a thought ran over. "does this mean, she believes in me? for a person like her, it would be a too much compliment." then things happened again which infuriated me. hearing those side notes and anything blah blah blah. whatever.

but after everything happened, if one of them would be able to read this, smile. i don't care about those unlikable things that happened. i don't care about those bad things, those awful words we [yeah, we] stoned at each other whether it is at the face or at the back. i don't care about them anymore. after everything what happened, why don't we just forgive and forget and be together once again?

all the things i wrote here to be posted are just for my own benefit. no one to stone at, no one to blame for. i just want to let everything out after everything. i just want to put everything i can remember here so when i get bored and time would come, i can read everything, remember them and of course, give a very great good laugh at those "dreadful" moments we had. thank You! thank you guys :)

what a realistic fairytale :)

PS

Being a PM is a tokenistic. it is only good in the paper. i don't want this to be something bad when someone would read this. what i mean is, it is just really good in the paper. everyone can be a Production Manager for we can always manage a production. Pwede ang lahat. Pwedeng maki alam. It just differs on the weight of responsibility you have to handle and the pressure cause it's your face that your professor sees everytime you are going to have a meeting with her. hahha. kidding a side, it is really like that on my part. Nasa papel lang naman lahat yan. Walang leader leader. No one can be a tyrant over one. Whew. Isasama ko pa ba to e parang di ko naman maexpalin ang aking sarili? haha! anyway, kuDOS to everyone! :) kuDOS e2n2 Productions! :)

PPS

incompetent is what i described myself before. right now, after everything? i still don't know if i am incompetent or not. i don't want to have any self-pity statements here anymore. i'll leave it to the spectators. :)