#03.08.2023

A busy day at work, didn't have to get up until 9am but then was flat out until 7pm, not taking very short breaks to eat my ready made noodle salad for lunch and then take the dog for his afternoon Toilet breaks with maybe 10 min of ball throwing... I ended up missing tonight's friend activity as got something exciting in last minute for tomorrow. A mixed bag, glad to be doing something new but disappointed to miss on friend time. I am getting in on a plan for next Saturday and will have to schedule something else myself soon - although my next 2 weekends should be pretty busy? Things always seem to fall through suddenly. I ended up ordering a takeaway from my desk at work and having it arrive almost immediately when I was off. I had lots of sushi and seabass with peppers before getting in to a warm bath with lavender oil. I spent the evening binging my medical drama. I am in for a long drive tomorrow so loaded lots of podcasts. Up early enough but shouldn't be an issue for just the one day. I used to be so afraid of a lack of sleep but I am more understanding now that one bad night isn't going to destroy my whole life in one fell swoop. I had to deal with stuff on behalf of my mother today which was uncomfortable. Her employer kept going on and on about how wonderful she was. I did have to say that their descriptor may well be true but didn't Match my experience and made it harder for me to take calls etc. I could hear the shock and I think embarrassment through the phone. But it came out of my mouth, I didn't stop myself. I didn't even feel particularly upset with myself afterwards. Probably because I know I'm not going to have to speak to that person again if I can help it and it felt like just telling a random stranger a dark truth. It does occur to me that it might somehow 'get back to' my mother and she might try to make my life difficult but honestly it's a small fear that seems just unlikely. My life is so separated out from my parents, I don't need them for anything, they could try to financially cut me off or whatever and all that would mean is zero inheritance when they die but frankly they aren't exactly wealthy people so as I'd be expecting a lovely windfall anyway. I like making my own money, honestly. I've always said no to money from my parents for my post grad tuition fees for example, and I paid that off entirely by myself when I had very little money and worked hard to get a scholarship etc.

Ich weiß das du auch nicht von mir los kommst.