#02:56

When was the last i heard of you, 4? 5 months? It wasn't even the last time we spoke, just that i heard of you from a friend. It has been 7 months since last i heard you call my name and i keep counting the days

it was your own decision to drift apart and not talk anymore, yet, i still go whole nights asking myself if you are ok, if things have gotten better for you, if your mental health steadied since last i knew of you

How pathetic.

I want to not care, i want to be able to just say "fuck it, he is out of my life and he will not come back so why give him the time if day" but i can't, you are too dear to me to simply stop caring from a day to another, even if you hurt me, even if i want to be angry, i just can't stop caring for you and wanting you to be ok

I wish we ended in a big, bad fight or something, i wish the reason we broke up was something inherently fucked up, that way i could at least feel some sort of relief that it ended, but you were nothing but sweet and supportive and great with me even until the end and i hate that because all i can do now is reminisce of a better time when we would laugh and joke and enjoy eachother's company. There is no bitter sweetness, no relief, no "at least is over", there is just sadness and a continuous feeling of something missing

Maybe I should stop being this overdramatic, teen relationships come and go, but you were my first love and you were my best friend, i gave you almost 3 years of my life, 3 years of memories that now leave a bitter taste in my mouth because when i remember them i can't help but smile but that smile hurts, knowing that there are no new memories to be made and that those days are behind

Tổn thương mà em đang chịu, nó được gom nhặt từng ngày, đừng đến nếu anh không thể khiến mọi thứ tốt đẹp hơn, đừng đến khi mà có thể anh cũng sẽ bị chìm trong nó.