#02162015

Stana Katic at Jimmy Kimmel show

its been 6 months since ive last cut, 5 months since ive last cried. over a boy, who didnt care about me. today i couldnt hold it anymore i couldnt keep it in, today i wasnt strong enough. or maybe i just felt like i needed it. why am i crying over him, my best friend. i should be crying to him not over him. why do i like him, why do i have to like him. hes just my friend, my best friend. im just his friend. why do i get so sad over him. why out of all people and things, why do i cry over a boy that doesnt care. it hurts so bad i wish i could be heartless. im so heartless to all the boys that care about me but when it comes to him, i could care less if i had a heart or not as long as he was mine, im stupid. this is gonna hurt me later on, its gonna be the reason why. ignoring the good people for someone who doesnt care for me. that wont do anything for me. but i cant stop thinking of him of us, i love him. i cant say that; i like him very much im so sad. i want him to be mine, i want him so bad, ive never felt this strong about someone other than adrian. he was the last person i cried over. he was the last reason why i cut myself. i dont like my state. i want to leave. i want to be happy. i miss just doing what i used to do without a boy, being happy. im really sad, and i wish i could tell him about it cause hes my bestfriend but i cant because hes my best friend. help me. i just wish i could have a chance with him. ive always had a crush on him. even when i had adrian. its just one of those things you know? i wish i had him, i wanted him to be mine. now forever why do i like him so bad.