#020484

I love you Dan. I always will. Be it as a friend or from a distance. I’ll always think of you fondly.

I cannot let the cycle repeat itself. If we're to remain friends, it will have to be different. But hopefully not so distant that it doesn't even feel like a friendship. I know what happens if I don't control my feelings about you - I lose you. So I cannot and will not do that again.

I wrote you a letter. I’m going to mail it after work. I think snail mail is the slow pace we need to take to rebuild. I hope you agree. I’ll hate the waiting but it’ll be healthy to wait. I hope you get it and I hope you write back.

I know it'll never go back to the super intense, all consuming thing we had. It was unsustainable and unhealthy, and I wouldn't want that emotional roller coaster again anyway. The highs were high and the lows were quite painful. But I do hope we can have real conversations again. I hope you can let your guard down and let me back in a little bit. I will be more respectful of the boundaries. I have to be. I miss you.

the break from 99% of talking over vacation allowed for the infatuation to pass, but now what’s left is intense grief of losing someone who understood me deeply. I lost a really great friend. I still get responses, but they’re short, cold and distant. I miss the depth we used to have. It was the best thing I ever experienced. And I ruined it all by being too honest and forward with my feelings; by being selfish and not considering how difficult I was making things for him. I should have never sent that playlist. I feel like that was the final straw.