5SOS posted on Twitter — Jan. 14th, 2014

Ashton in a photo he sent to a friend — Jan. 14th, 2014

5SOS posted on Twitter — Jan. 14th, 2014

I hate how I am still so in love with her. I hate how sometimes I can't sleep because I miss her much. I hate how much I took her for granted and how stupid I was for not realizing it sooner. Now that it’s all done and over with, I’m only left with regrets. She has set a standards so high, that no other girls can really compare to her. 

I miss this. 

I am so lost without you. I hate to be so down like this, but I feel like my world is completely upside down. No amount of drugs or alcohol can make me feel the way I felt with you. My feelings are eating me inside and I don’t know how to let it out. I have tried talking to my friends but I do not want to drown them in my sorrows. Real friends wouldn’t mind, but real friends also knows not to even when they say it’s okay. I hope I feel better soon.   

It has been 2 months since we broke up, and I still miss you sometimes. I have been drinking and going out to keep my mind off you. I think it is kind of working. But I just read an article about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt and their biggest moment of commitment wasn’t their marriage. It was signing the papers to adopt their first child together. And it made me think of the time when we bought your car. I know buying a car together is no big deal, cause we can just take our names off if anything or sell it. But the point is we were committed. We only known each other for 3-4 months at the time and was willing to sign a 5 year loan. I admit I was scared in the beginning, but I was willing to take that risk. And this risk is catching up to me now. 

I remember one day she asked if she had a piece of my heart. Without hesitation, I told her she is my heart. I have never thought about that question, but when I was asked, that was my first response. And I meant what I said. Plus the look she gave me when I said it was unforgettable. She look surprised and at the same time loved what she heard. I wish i was still able to see that look again. But now I can only regret not telling her how much I love her everyday and seeing her beautiful face. Even though we are not together anymore, she still means the world to me. No matter what happens, I will always love her. I will keep Peanut forever because he is our son. I only have to thank her for persuading me to take Peanut home, Since that day, I have not regret having Peanut In my life. Just like how I have not regret truly falling in love with her. Only regret is not cherishing her while she was still here.