Dear frederick, inclosed within this letter is a bunch of human teeth that i have collected in an entirely legal and totally not painful to the donaters manner
“What force under the nine heaves compelled you to send me an envelope full of human teeth? I am neither a dentist nor a dark mage, so I haven’t any use for these. In fact…”
“Gods above, none of them match! Just how many individual victims did you steal these teeth from? Just look at this! One is chipped and is missing most of the root, while another looks to be a child’s milk tooth. Are you snatching teeth from the mouths of children? What kind of sick-”
“O-Oh… good day, Lady Lissa. Er… yes indeed, it would seem that the Tooth Fairy misplaced her satchel of teeth last night. If you would be so kind, milady, please ask Virion if I could borrow one of his pigeons. I would like to send a missive to the Tooth Fairy post-haste so I can return this bag to her at once. My thanks, milady!”
“Gods, now look at what you’ve done. One wrong word out of you, and I’d have broken an oath I made to Lady Emmeryn. I solemnly swore never to tell Lord Chrom and Lady Lissa that the ‘Tooth Fairy’ does not exist, and your bag of human remains put that oath in jeopardy. I have kept this vow for nearly fifteen years, and I shan’t have you interfere with that! Away with you now! I need to find somewhere to bury this bag while I come up with a convincing cover story to lead my lieges off of the trail…“
“Perhaps I could say that one of these rotten bicuspids is from Gaius, and that the Fairy dropped by to pick it up. Yes, that would make the most sense considering all of the sugar that rapscallion eats… What are you still doing here?”
