I have been convinced I am a strong fixed woman, with a minor anxiety disorder and a sad past that is in the PAST, but if my amnesia actually happened twice, then i feel like i am still broken, but that isn’t true because... because i am happy. A tiny speck in me wants to drag me down. Read the old letters, bully myself, hurt myself, hate myself, kill myself. But, 1. That would really SCREWWW me for the fact that i am going to need all of my courage for this trip, and to make it great and not waste that mula!! 2. I think i already feel better. I cried for a few minutes in fear, but i don’t want it, and I am not scared. Ok, so I still have some blackouts, does it matter? do i need to remember? Yeah, of course I want to know where this one scar is from. I want to know if it’s from the one time I remember hating my father, and then regretting it. I want to know if it’s the last time -- i thought it was, but i was wrong, so whatever. It doesn’t need to be solved now, or ever really. I have to be like whoever that lady was, leaving hell, i can’t look back or i will be stuck forever. I suffered last year because i looked back. I thought i was coming to terms with everything, but it turns out i was repeating the forget/remember game. What does it matter. Just keep your eyes forward, who cares what happened to her. You can protect her now, you can’t heal her scars. Let the skin continue to grow over itself. Goodbye.Â
