#... yup

yeah... not rlly feelin that good atm, I'm still in shock and just, yeah. just thankful we weren't home and that no one was hurt, and I don't have to worry about my dog having gotten traumas for the rest of his life. but yeah. don't know what's gonna happen next

I reached out to one of my oldest friends for some resources. It’s weird because we’ve know each other for so long but I don’t think I’ve really reached out like this to them. It made my cry being valnarable like that with them. Admitting that I’m broken. They are so put together and I’ve been the support in many parts of our relationship.

I can understand wanting to drown before reaching for help. It’s almost embarrassing but the bigger feeling is how much of a burden I feel like. I know my friends love me and want to be there for me but I don’t want them to have to. i never want to be the liability. I want to be the support, the one everyone can rely on but I’m breaking down.

Like a waterfall on the rocks below, my tears are eroding this rock.

I’ve had the same look for like 20 years now and as I’m approaching my 30s I want something more mature. I almost tried to style it differently but then I felt anxious over the thought of my family reacting to it and being perceived by them.

So much of my life has been culled and stamped down because of what I think my family will think.

I want to break free and really I’m the one holding myself back but, at least right now, I can’t shake it.

I should have moved out a lot sooner. I could have open myself up truly and become someone I’d rather be much sooner.