#..{{out of magic}}..

It’s been pretty obvious that I’ve lost a lot of motivation. The last year or so has been a struggle to write. My muse for Cedric hasn’t left - I spend most of my evenings plotting and writing  privately - but that’s the issue, privately.

I’m not comfortable sharing things here. The harassment I endured years ago now still causes me to question what I post, and with upcoming cosplay plans, I’m terrified again. And honestly, I’m feeling worse about it because I’m struggling to remember exactly what happened. I can’t open up about it because I can’t remember details, nor can I because it’s technically drama.

I am still quite upset that Cards Against Enchancia was posted to the group that caused this grief without my consent. Somebody told me earlier today and I’ve been anxious ever since. I still had the game happen and it went for 2 hours without a single issue, but to know that my content (events, even - this isn’t a cosplay photo or meme) is being shared in a space I am never going to be welcome in again? It’s extremely painful. It took me an extremely long time to be comfortable hosting such an event again and then... yeah.  and I do know that it’s something so very minor, but having control over who sees what I’m posting/sharing is important to me  — especially since people I cannot trust are still there. I didn’t want to privately circulate the game as I had been, but... I don’t know.

I don’t know what to think. I just know I’m upset and have nowhere I can actually vent about this without the prospect of having the same people accuse me of everything under the sun.