#-lb

Take me to the beach. Watch how calm I become once we’re out of the city. Wrap your arms around me as the waves crash onto the shore. Warm my skin with your breath as you whisper the words of your heart. Hold my hands in yours. Be happy with just my presence. Don’t disappoint me.  Tell me what you’re thinking. Show me how much you care.

Hey sweetie, 

Needing closure is normal, it helps you let go and move on.  So getting closure is a good thing and if you’re asking this question I think you need it because whatever it is you need closure from is on your mind. 

Here are some ways to get closure:

Take full responsibility for yourself.

It’s ultimately up to you to take the necessary actions to help move you forward. Have conversations with yourself, both asking and answering your own questions in a form of a “self-dialogue”.

What or whom are you holding onto? Why?

Does holding on truly make you happy, or are you hanging on to a situation the way it once was, or the way you wished it had been, instead of how it actually turned out?

Are you using this “holding on” as an excuse to stay stuck and unresolved? In other words, is dwelling in the past taking you away from moving toward your future?

Are you trying to avoid dealing with loss and the void that loss creates?

If you’re willing to let go, what does that really mean? What will you have to do?

Are you afraid of not knowing what the outcome will be?

Ultimately, what do you believe will happen to you if you let go

Being as honest as you can be will pay off in the long run. The pain, hurt, anger, and disappointment will diminish once you’ve cleared the way to a better, more realistic understanding of the situation.

Grieve the loss.

Take plenty of time to do this. There is no set amount of time and no prescribed way; it’s totally up to each person to find that for themselves. Don’t let anyone tell you to “just get over it”. However, grieving should not go on for years. That’s just being stuck, still heavily invested in the past.

Prolonged or incomplete grief may contribute to making poor choices in the future. The ability to trust, to be honest, and to be your self is essential for a new, healthier relationship or situation to present itself to you. “Unfinished business” must be completed and resolved before you move on.

Gather your strengths.

Focus on the positives. Make a list of your talents, gifts, and assets.Surround yourself with people who know you well, encourage and support you.Shift the emphasis to what you need, what makes you happy. Don’t worry about pleasing others.Assess where you can make positive change in your life.Define and affirm what you’re able to do something about now.

Make a plan for the immediate future.

Determine what’s most important for you moving forward. If necessary, reorder your priorities to allow you to explore different possibilities and opportunities that may present themselves to you. Try some of these on for size. It doesn’t matter if they don’t work out, just that you tried. The important thing is to take action in order to make things happen. If you can’t find a path, make one!

Create a ritual.

Believe it or not, performing a ritual is a powerful tool to help gain closure. Beyond thinking and talking, and thinking and talking some more, ritual is driven by intention and action. A “symbolic enactment” allows you to utilize your creativity and intuition in order to bypass the intellectual, logical part of your brain.

For example, when a relationship is over, what do you do with all of the meaningful items and objects, such as letters, pictures, etc., that were part of the relationship? A “fire ceremony” is a way to consume the past, but any number of rituals that you personally create can provide symbolic finality and closure.

I hope this helps you! If you need more specific tips for your situation, feel free to send in another ask explaining what you want to get closure from. 

Love, 

-Leen

Hi love,

I’m glad to hear your anxiety is lessening the more you work! And as for the driving thing... it’s all about baby steps, love. Maybe try practicing with a friend or family member in a parking lot for a while. Then once you feel comfortable with that, then maybe look into getting a driving teacher, and then go from there! It’s okay to take it at your own pace. Whatever works for you!

Hi love,

I’m sorry for the late response! How have you been feeling since you sent this message in?

I promise you that no matter how you’re feeling, you are good enough! The thought that you aren’t good enough is your anxiety talking, as well as the other thoughts such as that a lot of things are you fault and that you’re a terrible daughter. Please, don’t listen to it, because it’s not right. That’s what anxiety and mental illness does: it distorts your perception of yourself and of reality. Have you ever tried on someone elses glasses? And everything was all blurry and out of focus? Anxiety is kind of like that. It causes you to not see things clearly. But when you aren’t feeling as anxious any more, you will be able to see things clearly again, and you will see that you are more than good enough, that not everything is your fault, and that you aren’t a terrible daughter in the least bit! 

There’s nothing wrong with staying at home for college, love. In fact, I think that’s a smart idea so that you can save some money! So many people go far away to college and spend extreme amounts of money to do so. A part of me wishes that I would’ve stayed home for college so I could’ve saved some money lol. In the end I’m glad that I did go away to college, though, because that was the best decision for me mentally. But a lot of my friends chose to stay home for college because they are close to their family and like where they live. So there’s nothing wrong with that! Are you staying home for college because you want to or because your family is making you?

It’s also okay that you don’t have a job at the moment. You have the rest of your life to work: you don’t have to work while you’re in school if you don’t want to. You can just focus on your schoolwork! Do you want to get a job, though?

Why are you afraid to drive? You’re not the only one that has messaged into this blog who was college aged and didn’t have their license. I even know a few people in real life who didn’t get their license until their mid-twenties and even one or two who still don’t have their license! So you’re not alone. You don’t have to get it until you’re ready. And if you never want to drive, that’s okay, there are other means of transportation that you can use depending on where you live. You can make it work, but it’s definitely going to be a bit more challenging.

Who is angry with your stepdad? And these same people are angry with you and your mom? Have you talked to your stepdad and your mom about this?