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smth smth. azriel never shies from fire. but he doesn’t like it. in his rooms or quarters he tends to keep the fire either burnt down to barely embers, or out entirely. he also leaves windows open so the air moves and he never feels trapped. he likes seeing the city lights and or stars so his bed is always positioned near the open windows. so whenever he opens his eyes he’s never back in the sensory deprivation he grew up in.

he has night terrors. not just his dreams. but the memories and lives of the shadows he’s absorbed and allowed to tether to him.

rarely does he allow anyone to sleep with him overnight due to the peculiarities he exhibits. if anyone does deign to endure these things, then he tends to stay awake and watch over them.

#- headcanon -#- queue -

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azriel is the eldest of the bat boys. by nearly a decade. however, he appears the youngest upon glance. this is due to the exchange nature of his magic with the shadows. their essence/souls are tied to him, this bond strengthened by his offerings of blood and memories. this means, he has a baby face - but his eyes? they’re ancient.

also, rhysand aged rapidly during his time under the mountain. cut off from the night courts magic, from the full depth of his own power, and the enormous emotional and physical trauma inflicted on him - he ages during that time at a much faster rate than the average high lord/high fae.

#- headcanon -#- queue -

modern az would be a personal security guard ( very expensive very exclusive ) and live in paris. he also has a chateau outside the city in the countryside where his mom lives.

#- headcanon -#- queue -

azriels dynamic with kids ( especially nyx ) is complicated. because there’s nothing he won’t do to protect them. for nyx? he’d literally rip the worlds apart to give him the kind of life he deserves. but nothing has ever made him more aware of how monstrously he has been made. the shadows whisper to him when he holds him the first time, they coo and curl around him promising to keep the son of the night lord safe.

but not every shadow tethered to azriel are kind or good, not every shadow who has bartered for an afterlife with him - should bind themselves to a small child.

azriel knows.

he’s paid the blood cost for each and every one of them. their sins become his own. their memories their feelings blend and meld with his own. the further he has to go, to protect the night court? the people in it? the less himself he truly has.

the twins ( @fatew0ve ) tether him to the core of who he is, to the little boy he was. but even they can’t save him from becoming the monster he’s been set on the path of being.

and the strongest motivator for him?

love & innocence.

because as a child, he was not allowed love.

and he was never allowed innocence.

he never imagined or planned a future where he’d have kids. this isn’t to say he’s some casual fuck boy who doesn’t care about responsibilities - no - if he ever had a child he’d protect them the same as any. but quite frankly, he is prone to avoiding commitments just because of how he feels undeserving and too bloodied to be acceptable for anything regarding a future.

#- headcanon -#- queue -

i think it’s important to understand the nature of azriel and intimacy. does he have a lot of sex? yes. is this bc he’s a womanising horndog? no.

first of all, he’s pansexual. he views gender as irrelevant to him except for the comfort and gender identity of his partners. it’s for their comfort, their labels and their identity, otherwise, he himself gives no fucks.

secondly, azriels connections to shadows is won through compassion, but also through him making sacrifices. sometimes they want blood, sometimes they want memories. both tether to the shadows to him in different ways, and it depends on what they want. blood tethers them to him in the physical form, memories give all their memories to him. both strengthen him power wise.

so, since they usually just offer their memories - he needs memories to trade. so he goes and makes them. the more vivid and visceral the memories, the more the shadows want them, the less time they steal. so yeah, he’s had a lot of one night stands and hookups. but no. he never remembers their name, and just vaguely their faces.

that’s why sex is important to him.

and why he’s so protective of his private life, because, quite frankly — he doesn’t remember much of it.

#- headcanon -#- queue -

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there’s something so fragile about azriel’s reaction when rhysand orders him away from elain, and im not getting into ships here - that’s not what this is about. but think about it, azriel has done every stomach turning, gore soaked, ugly job necessary to provide rhysand and cassian with information they need. he’s asked for nothing, seemingly taken little enough time for himself, and he’s just — finally doing something selfishly???

and the man he loves more than if he were his own brother, pulls rank and orders him.

not to complete some other new gruesome task, no. az handles those on his own without complaint. but from the first time we see azriel chasing anything for his own pleasure / enjoyment / reason.

and that’s the fucking betrayal of it all. he does these monstrous things so rhys doesn’t have to. so he can protect the night court. but suddenly, he’s ordered - not asked, not spoken to like a trusted friend or advisor or companion, ordered like a grunt work soldier.

ordered like a king to a servant. like the high lord of the night court to a lowly illyrian soldier.

#- headcanon -#- queue -

I used to be so sweet

Now I see a change coming over me

You're breaking my heart

I knew from the start that you'd be the end of me

I do bad things when I'm jealous (and I'm jealous)

I do bad things, I can't help it, I can't help it

It's what you're doing to me, ruining me

#- musics -#- queue -#this is just a bop im listening to on my trip and omg a mood #a major mood #ingrid slayed with this album #tbd.

he has night terrors. not just his dreams. but the memories and lives of the shadows he’s absorbed and allowed to tether to him.

rarely does he allow anyone to sleep with him overnight due to the peculiarities he exhibits. if anyone does deign to endure these things, then he tends to stay awake and watch over them.

#- headcanon -#- queue -

•18+ Adults Only

Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions

Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

#- headcanon -#- queue -

modern az would be a personal security guard ( very expensive very exclusive ) and live in paris. he also has a chateau outside the city in the countryside where his mom lives.

#- headcanon -#- queue -

but not every shadow tethered to azriel are kind or good, not every shadow who has bartered for an afterlife with him - should bind themselves to a small child.

azriel knows.

the twins ( @fatew0ve ) tether him to the core of who he is, to the little boy he was. but even they can’t save him from becoming the monster he’s been set on the path of being.

and the strongest motivator for him?

love & innocence.

because as a child, he was not allowed love.

and he was never allowed innocence.

#- headcanon -#- queue -

i think it’s important to understand the nature of azriel and intimacy. does he have a lot of sex? yes. is this bc he’s a womanising horndog? no.

that’s why sex is important to him.

and why he’s so protective of his private life, because, quite frankly — he doesn’t remember much of it.

#- headcanon -#- queue -

•18+ Adults Only

Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions

Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

and the man he loves more than if he were his own brother, pulls rank and orders him.

not to complete some other new gruesome task, no. az handles those on his own without complaint. but from the first time we see azriel chasing anything for his own pleasure / enjoyment / reason.

ordered like a king to a servant. like the high lord of the night court to a lowly illyrian soldier.

#- headcanon -#- queue -

I used to be so sweet

Now I see a change coming over me

You're breaking my heart

I knew from the start that you'd be the end of me

I do bad things when I'm jealous (and I'm jealous)

I do bad things, I can't help it, I can't help it

It's what you're doing to me, ruining me

#- musics -#- queue -#this is just a bop im listening to on my trip and omg a mood #a major mood #ingrid slayed with this album #tbd.

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