CARMILLA SEASON ONE SENTENCE STARTERS (PART TWO)
Lines taken from episodes s01e20 - s01e36 of the web series Carmilla. Feel free to change as needed. Part one is here.
❛ This need of yours to document everything borders the pathological. ❜
❛ Posterity doesn’t care. I should know, I live in it. ❜
❛ Whoa, you can’t tell it like that, like some boring history lesson! This is dangerous! This is exciting! This is flashback material! ❜
❛ You don’t think perhaps this makes light of my tragic back story? ❜
❛ I knew nothing of her, except she was very old and very wise and had pried apart the jaws of death to enact my rescue. ❜
❛ The wide world did open before me in death as it had never been in life. ❜
❛ I was never an abductor. I was a lure. ❜
❛ I couldn’t bear to give her up. ❜
❛ I had taken great lengths to hide what I was from her. But, [ name ] went to her in secret and revealed my true nature in the most horrifying light. ❜
❛ And so, my price for the disobedience was to watch [ name ] be taken away to some…certain doom. ❜
❛ I pretended to go along. I had no choice! ❜
❛ There can be great satisfaction in small revenges. ❜
❛ It doesn’t change the fact that my mom will scoop out your eyeballs and serve them in martinis. ❜
❛ Sorry, I’m not on board with untying someone who may eat me. ❜
❛ Pop culture has so much to answer for. ❜
❛ That’s some big talk, fresh meat. ❜
❛ Untie me and we’ll find out. That is what you’re here for, isn’t it? ❜
❛ Oh, yeah, victims who fight back are so inconvenient. ❜
❛ We don’t kill the targets! ❜
❛ Thank you for not letting him eat me. ❜
❛ That’s it? You just use me as a human juice box and I don’t even get an explanation? ❜
❛ Ugh, I’m a vampire and I’m pissed off. What were you expecting? ❜
❛ You never had much of a chance anyway. Sorry, cutie. Nothing personal. ❜
❛ Funny the way things work out, huh? ❜
❛ Fine. But only because I have nothing resembling a better plan. ❜
❛ Ugh, what are you whining about now? ❜
❛ Ethics are a ridiculous game played by children who think they can impose order on an arbitrary universe. ❜
❛ But the fact that we’re both not messily dead bodes well. ❜
❛ At what point in the last century did people give up on knocking? ❜
❛ The vampires loose. Why is the vampire loose? ❜
❛ Feel like telling me the secrets of your antediluvian vampire cult today? ❜
❛ So, after everything that she’s done to you, your big revenge is to be annoying? ❜
❛ And you know how you get to be centuries old? You pick your battles. ❜
❛ Not to ruin your big heroic entrance, Xena, but she’s not the one in trouble. ❜
❛ I have been doing my very best to be patient about the ambush and the hostage-taking and the starvation diet, but I am having difficulty remembering why it is I haven’t torn out your spine. ❜
❛ I was just…I was scared for you. ❜
❛ I care about you! Of course it’s my job to keep you safe. ❜
❛ Well, I’m sorry that my making my own decisions and being reckless is making it hard for you to do your job. ❜
❛ I like you. I really do. I like that you’re brave and strong and all kinds of righteous, but I don’t need a dad. I’ve already got that one covered. ❜
❛ It’s just, me and you…needing different things, y’know? ❜
❛ God, I hate this place. ❜
❛ So, it was kind of a long night last night. Seems the Alchemy Club lost control of this giant underground fungus. ❜
❛ Okay, you can stop pretending to be all callous and indifferent. They saw you save me. ❜
❛ Side note: what is it with people trying to burn that place down? Didn’t they already torch it back in 1904? ❜
❛ Well, nobody likes theater students. ❜
❛ Did you see [ name ] out there? Good thing she’s on our side, cause that was violent. ❜
❛ Yeah, I’d steer clear of her for a little while. Especially if she’s armed. ❜
❛ Yeah, sure. Okay, let’s just dissect my deeply painful past in excruciating detail. ❜
❛ Uh, yeah, crushes-on-vampires. ❜
❛ No! No. Okay. These are not things that happen. Vampires and evil, weird brain parasites, and giant mushrooms? No. ❜
❛ This needs to stop happening. I demand this stops happening. Just…be normal! ❜
❛ I get that this is all big fun for you. But you can’t just expect everyone to go along with all of this insanity. ❜
❛ Like it or not, weird is the way it is. ❜
❛ Yeah, or maybe just for tonight we stuff our faces with popcorn and watch bad scifi. ❜
❛ Blood…there was blood everywhere again. ❜
❛ Nothing should shine like that. Like the rotted heart of the world. ❜
❛ So, that’s not creepy. ❜
❛ Awesome. I didn’t need to sleep again ever. ❜
❛ Not to get all fascinated by weird things, but maybe it’s a clue. ❜
❛ How did you idiots ever trap me? ❜
❛ And since, uh, the subbasement where the archives are housed only exists after dark, a day trip was out of the question. ❜
❛ We are ready for the weird. We thrive on it. We tape our flamethrowers to our pulse rifles and we make the weird submit. ❜
❛ So we survived the research trip! Which, we should probably never speak of again. ❜
❛ Because somebody really did get absorbed into the Library catalogue. ❜
❛ Yeah, that’s the problem with the existence of horrors from beyond the dawn of time. Their lack of subtlety. ❜
❛ Eh, 1871 was a dull year. I decided to read Gilgamesh. ❜
❛ I thought I’d just…check to make sure you weren’t dead. And you’re not. So, that’s fine. ❜
❛ Don’t start expecting heroic vampire crap from me, cupcake. ❜
❛ I sure as hell know better than to spit in the eye of something old enough to think it’s a god. ❜
❛ If you want me to stop having heroic notions about you, you should probably stop saving my life. ❜
❛ I did dream about that weird black cat thing again, but I think that’s just my subconscious being weird. ❜
❛ If anyone had told me before college that fighting evil required this much paperwork, I would not have believed them. ❜
❛ Because A) she meddled in things that were none of her business, B) Did you really think we wouldn’t find out what you were up to C) we are ancient and terrible D) None of you are safe; we’ll take anyone we want. ❜
❛ Told you I’m not the hero of this piece. ❜
❛ What if the last thing she remembers is that I was awful to her? ❜
❛ You are ridiculous and headstrong, and naive, and this whole Lois Lane, Jr. gig is doomed, okay? ❜
❛ You can send a dude to college, but you can’t make him think. ❜
❛ Must be nice sometimes, though. To be normal. Or oblivious. ❜
❛ We drank a lot and danced like fools. Waltzing was fun. It had a frisson scandal back then. ❜
❛ Partners were face-to-face. Chest to chest. All of that, um…whirling. In 1698, it may as well have been sex. ❜
❛ Worst crush ever. ❜
❛ Are we calling the police? Possibly hiring a private investigator? Mercenaries? Bloodthirsty killers for hire? We can do that, right? ❜
❛ Is that new stuff appearing on the book because you spilled blood on it? Right, of course it is. ❜
❛ God, this just gets creepier and creepier. ❜
❛ What do you mean I’m back? I didn’t go anywhere. Did I…go somewhere? ❜
❛ Please tell me you didn’t waste an entire day making brownies. ❜
❛ Well, why does anyone start a cult? Wealth, power, eternal youth, to get back at people you knew in high school… ❜
❛ Did you record your own kidnapping? ❜
❛ Well, hey! If we get sucked into an underground evil, your deadline will be moved. ❜
❛ Can I have an extension on my term paper? Just for, like, a week, until the big soul-sucking ritual I have to thwart is over. ❜
❛ If you can’t keep your supernatural affairs in order long enough to get your assignments done, that’s your business. ❜
❛ This place was cleaner when you were tied up. ❜
❛ We just need something a little epic quest and a little more “borrowed from the museum of warfare and atrocities”. Maybe a nice bazooka… ❜
❛ Don’t be an idiot. Of course I’m doing it for you. ❜
❛ You didn’t come when I sent for you. ❜
❛ So if you’re gonna kill me, why not just come yourself? ❜
❛ Kill you? When you think of the lengths I’ve gone to save you from your own foolishness? No, but I thought we should talk without your little “friends” listening in. ❜
❛ Threats to the Sacrifice cannot be tolerated. One day, you’ll understand. ❜
❛ I think you’re a practical girl and you’ll see that everything I do, I do for the best. ❜
❛ That silly little creature couldn’t’ve loved you ❜
❛ Oh, darling, there’s no way for you to fight and nothing to fight with. Sometimes, that’s just the way of the world. And we must learn to bear it as best we can. ❜
❛ So if it’s all doomed, why even bother coming to tell me? ❜
❛ I thought I’d offer you a deal. If you can keep your little…pet here from making more trouble, I’ll let you keep her. ❜
❛ Y’know, we’re up to being big damn heroes. ❜
❛ Remember, she’s safe so long as you keep her from meddling. If either of you get in the way again, all bets are off. ❜
❛ I will feel a lot better when we are all together and heavily-armed. ❜
❛ This plan keeps you safe. It keeps your friends here safe. That’s all we can do. ❜
❛ You’re right; it’s all that we can do, but what if there were more of us? ❜
❛ And then, unfortunately, I was hit in the head with a tomato. ❜
❛ And like all of their arguments, it quickly escalated into a free-for-all, with paintballs and quarterstaff combat and no concern for the destruction of property. ❜
❛ I won’t let you take her. ❜
❛ After everything, you didn’t even try. ❜
❛ Go away. Go run and hide. We’re done. ❜
❛ So, college isn’t turning out quite like I thought it would. ❜
❛ I won’t try and force you. There’s no way that we can win. We might not even be able to make a dent. ❜
❛ Some things are more important than whether you can win. ❜
❛ Goddamnit. Of all the imbecilic, idiot, suicidal…you just had to go and get yourself eaten. ❜
❛ I just got a text “Trapped in basement of old chapel. Come quick. Bring stakes.” ❜
❛ Yeah, I think we’re supposed to be filming our soppy heartfelt goodbyes or something. ❜
❛ We won. We actually won. We won, and [ name ]’s dead. ❜
❛ No, no, no, no. That was hardcore. We do not apologize for the hardcore. ❜
❛ The light was everywhere. You could see these figures in it, reaching out for you. ❜
❛ Y’know, I really am starting to hate this heroic vampire crap. ❜
❛ Oh, and she was doing the whole “you fools, you don’t know what you’ve done, you’ll regret this, zombies will eat your liver, blah blah blah blah” ❜
❛ People are finally coming around, realizing they probably should have been upset about going to a school that serves eyeballs in the cafeteria, has safety protocols for escaped cacodemons, and where mortal combat is a prerequisite for tenure. ❜
❛ You did it. You saved [ name ]. You saved almost everyone. ❜
❛ God, her sole possessions are, like, a pile of empty wallets and some punk rock t-shirts. ❜
❛ I’m gonna need all of the bleach. God, how did you not die? ❜
❛ So, we think she’s … I mean, she seems dead, but she’s a vampire, right? ❜
❛ Are you hurt? It looks like maybe you’re hurt. And I’m sorry I hugged you so hard that you’re hurt, it- it’s just that you were dead and- and now you’re not and- ❜
❛ Posterity can bite me. I have better things to do. ❜
❛ I have an idea. We just go. We leave for reading week and we never come back. I mean, we can do that, right? Right? ❜













