#*niko writes

The sound of pounding on your front door woke you up. Shooting your head up at the sudden disturbance and glancing at the time, you let out a sigh of annoyance when it read 8:13 am. You had only gotten three hours of sleep.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

“Alright alright I’m coming!” You shouted, knowing full well there was not a chance that they could hear you. Whoever it was. You weren’t expecting guests today and there was no notice of maintenance coming so who could it be?

A string of colourful muttered complaints left your mouth as you dragged your feet across the floor towards your front door.

The apartment you stayed in was often quiet throughout the days. Especially with your boyfriend currently travelling the country on tour for a couple of months, this left the home you shared to slowly become drained.

Oftentimes it didn’t bother you. It was just one of the things that came with being in a band but on others you found yourself rereading messages from whenever he could last find the time to hold his phone. You just wanted him back—but that wouldn’t be possible for another week.

By the time you finally reached the door, the constant pounding had begun to give you a headache.

“This better be important.” You muttered as you leaned forward to look through the peephole where an awfully familiar figure stood waiting on the other side.

It was him. Awsten was back.

Shaking fingers fumbled with the locks before swinging the door open, surprising the boy waiting outside in the process, before pulling him into you.

“Holy- hi!” He managed to say as his arms came to wrap around your waist, burying his face into the crook of your neck as you tighten your arms around his neck.

He laughed at this, the sound slightly muffled by your skin before he lifted his head up to say, “I can't tell if you missed me or want to kill me.”

Finally realizing that you basically had him in a headlock, you let out a small gasp before removing your arms from his neck. Sadness seemed to cloud his expression at the loss of your touch before lightning up again when your hands came to cup his face.

“Sorry, did I hurt you?” You asked him, eyes wide with worry that you may accidentally hurt him but Awsten simply hummed as he shook his head. His eyes were closed as he seemed to practically melt into your touch with a content smile on his face that you mirrored.

“I missed you.” He mumbled, finally opening his eyes to look at you but kept his cheek in the palm of your hand. He closed them again at the touch of your thumb caressing his cheek, the action made you laugh

“I can tell,” You said as you pressed a kiss to his forehead before removing your hand from his cheek and wrapping your arms around him. “I missed you too.”

He instinctively wrapped his own around you, bringing a hand up to hold your head as you buried your face in his chest.

The two of you stayed like that for a while, simply holding each other and making up for the many times you wished to be here but couldn’t and it wasn’t until you had pulled away to let a yawn escape that it all seemed to finally click in his mind.

“Oh my god I woke you.” Guilt washed over him like a wave and he had to refrain from cursing himself. You had stayed up until nearly four in the morning talking to him on FaceTime as he—unbeknownst to you—packed his bag to get on the first flight home. That would’ve left you with only three hours of sleep before he began banging on your front door. Shit.

“It’s alright.” Your voice was just a little more than a murmur as you rested your head against his chest, all while he contemplated what to do.

On one hand, he wanted to stay like this for however much longer he could but on the other, he wanted to drag you back to bed and let you sleep. It wasn’t fair that you lost even more sleep because of him (and it wasn’t like he’d be going away anytime soon now). Awsten went with the latter, giving you no warning before scooping you into his arms bridal style and headed back inside. His bags remained outside but he could get those later. For now, what mattered most was getting you back to bed.

Closing the door with his foot, he carefully led you back to the bedroom before setting you down. He had just pulled the covers up to your chin and turned on his heel to get his bags when you reached out for his hand, stopping him in his tracks.

There were no words exchanged between you but it still felt like a conversation was being shared and Awsten understood it all. Shrugging off his jacket, he threw it onto the floor with little regard before getting into bed beside you, letting you adjust yourself so that you were lying comfortably against him.

It was often hard to focus on a singular thing while performing onstage, if not impossible.

There was always too much going on but also, never not enough. The lights are too much but also not bright enough, the crowd is screaming but they could be louder, the stage was grand and open for him and his band mates to occupy and yet, Awsten found himself standing shellshocked in the centre of the stage. He couldn’t make out what anyone was saying, if they were even trying to talk to him, as his eyes stayed focused on the familiar face of someone he once gave his heart to standing amidst the crowd of people who had come out to see him. And they were there.

He didn’t know how long he had been standing there staring but he guessed it was long enough for Geoff to harshly push his shoulder to catch his attention.

“Awsten!”

It felt like he was being woken up from a dream with the way reality seemed to crash onto him like a wave.

“You alright?” Geoff asked quietly, angling his body in a way that blocked Awsten from the crowd. Awsten only mutely nodded, suddenly wanting to end this set quicker than usual so he could finally sort out his thoughts in peace.

“Yeah, yeah let’s continue.”

The rest of the show went by like a blur. A couple of more songs and a few breaks in between to talk to the crowd—where he made the conscious effort to avoid that side of it—and before he knew it, the set was finished and he was rushing backstage to lock himself in his dressing room before his friends could say anything.

They were here.

He saw them.

They had come out to see him.

And he saw them.

Awsten slumped into the chair as he brought his hands up to rub his face. There was a strange mix of happiness and sadness bubbling in his chest as he replayed that moment he noticed them in the crowd. It was odd.

They were on the far left side of the crowd, standing towards the back where stage performers often ignored but somehow, he had managed to see them. And they noticed him.

He could still recall the exact feeling of his heart dropping into his stomach when they shot him a warm smile. The way it felt like time had stopped and all that seemed to exist in that room was the two of them. The way he could feel the heat rushing up his neck towards his cheeks. He could still remember it all, but what really made him freeze was the sudden rush of memories flooding his mind as all the feelings he was positive he had diminished seemed to ignite itself again.

It had been years since they’ve even seen each-other despite agreeing that they’d remain friends after they break up. Neither made an effort to reach out aside from the annual ‘happy birthday’ message which was then followed by a ‘thank you’ before they finally stopped. Deep down he knew it was because he had changed his number and failed to let them know but it was for the better, right?

The longer he held onto the threads of what they once were then the longer he’d be staying up at night wishing he wasn’t alone. He didn’t want to still be hung up on someone who had said they didn’t want to be in a relationship at the moment.

It wasn’t fair that in the end, all his efforts ended up being for nothing. It wasn’t fair that he still felt something for them just like before.

“Awsten? We’re leaving now.” Came Lucas’ voice from the other side of the door. Awsten sighed, taking a moment to enjoy the loneliness inside his dressing room before getting up from his seat and heading towards the door.

All he could do now was hope they weren’t waiting outside for him when they left the venue—and as if his prayers had been heard, they weren’t. He was able to make it back to the bus without seeing their face in the crowd of people waiting outside, though the memory of them seemed to be permanently seared into his mind with the way he could visibly remember them.

Awsten didn’t say much for the remainder of the night. As the bus hit the road and everyone else sat in the living quarters to relax, Awsten excused himself to bed early where the earlier memories replayed in his mind as his fingers temptingly hovered over a contact on his phone he had never used but always added whenever he switched his number.

Was this even a good idea?

What if it actually wasn’t them and he just mistook a stranger for them?

He wanted to find a reason to not click on their contact but he knew deep down he could never not notice them. Whether it be from across a vacant lot or in the crowd of thousands, it was nearly impossible to not notice them no matter how hard you tried. There was just something about them, something that attracted him to them in the first place, that seemed to make them stand out.

Fuck it.

By morning he’d be in the next state anyways, and what damage could a simple text even do?

Typing in a message along the lines of ‘I think I saw you at our show earlier, why didn’t you tell me?’, he gave no time to await a response before turning off his phone and rolling onto his other side where he stared at the wall before sleep began to pull him into its world.

Sleep was never something that came easy for you.

Even before the tour started and you were back home, rarely would you be able to fall asleep at a decent hour—if you even got to sleep that night—no matter what you tried to exhaust yourself enough to let sleep finally take over your tired mind.

More often than not, you would find yourself falling asleep near the break of dawn only to be forced awake a couple hours later. You’d be lucky if you were able to find the time throughout the day to nap but once the tour began picking up, you knew there would be no time for that.

Otto had tried to help. Being the considerate boyfriend he was, had never forced you to attend meetings or events if you were particularly tired that day or didn’t get enough sleep the night prior but your stubbornness often stood no chance against his kindness. Even Awsten and Geoff had both tried—and failed—to convince you to miss a couple meetings if it meant getting some sleep but they quickly learnt why Otto never pushed on the suggestion too hard. The only times he was ever successful would be when you’d pass out on the couch (rarely ever making it to the bed) upon coming home, claiming that you’d wake up in fifteen minutes or so (but he knew you’d be out for a good hour or so). Thankfully, the rest of the band and crew understood whenever you couldn’t make it and even offered to reschedule as to better fit your schedule but they couldn’t make accommodations for everything and the tour was one of those things.

Being on the road for shows meant following a strict schedule with little to no room for accommodations, meaning regardless of how tired you were, you would have to force yourself to stay awake to not miss it. Luckily for you when it came to that, caffeine was never scarce. It probably wasn’t healthy how much you consumed on a daily basis but it worked well with the schedule so who were you to complain?

Sure the sleepless nights got worse and you were running purely off of caffeine most days, but at least the tour was running smoothly and you weren’t missing anything. So it was all worth it, right?

“How much did you have today?” Otto’s voice broke you out of your thoughts.

Looking up from your seat, you were met with his worried expression laced with exhaustion that he did little to hide.

It was nearly two in the morning and everyone was asleep. Everyone but the two of you and the driver that was.

“Only one.” You replied honestly.

“That’s good.” He said, a yawn interrupting his sentence midway through. “You shouldn’t be having too much anyways.”

You rolled your eyes at his obvious statement but remained silent.

“How ‘bout a movie?” He suggested, reaching for the cabinet that held a variety of movies that Awsten had brought along with him.

“Sure.” You said, accepting the discs he handed you so that you could choose what movie to watch.

Most of them were horror movies which you would have normally been eager to watch but seeing as it was currently the middle of the night where everybody else was asleep, you figured it probably wouldn't be the best idea. Choosing a random Pixar movie that was in the pile, you handed it to Otto who set up the tv and started the movie before joining you on the couch.

With his head resting against your chest, it didn’t take long before your fingers found themselves tangled in his curls while he played with your free hand that was draped across his shoulder.

It wasn’t a surprise that not even an hour into the movie, soft snores could be heard from the boy who had now fallen asleep on top of you, trapping you on the couch. Today had been a long day for everyone but despite it all, you still remained unable to sleep. No matter how much you tried to exhaust yourself in hopes of getting some sleep that night, it never seemed to work. But at least you had Otto to keep you company, even if he would fall asleep shortly after.

Brushing stray strands of hair away from his face, you smiled as he unconsciously melted into your touch before your fingers returned to play with his hair. It seemed that every time he offered to stay up with you that he would only end up falling asleep a few moments later—something he would profusely apologize for when morning came and he would see the dark bags under your eyes—but tonight would be different.

When morning came, the crew would wake to an oddly quiet bus with no clue as to why. Upon further investigation, they would find a couple asleep on one of the couches together with limbs intertwined and a long forgotten Pixar movie playing in the background for who knows how long. It’ll be a miracle that they don’t wake up at the sound of the crews gushing and school-girl teasing at the sleeping couple but if that somehow didn’t disrupt their sleep, then the sudden flash of a camera was surely going to. And it did.

Otto woke up due to a bright flash of light right before his eyes. When he opened his eyes, he quickly realized what was going on when he felt your arms still wrapped around him with his friends surrounding you two, a camera in Jawn’s hand and smiles on all their faces. Otto closed his eyes and let out a groan.

“You didn’t–”

“He did.” Awsten replied almost too cheerfully, grabbing the camera out of his friend's grasp to show him the photo he had snapped of the two of them.

It was just a simple candid photo. Nothing he hasn’t seen before—but there was something about how relaxed and peaceful you looked in the photo along with the way you had your arms wrapped around him that made him smile. He didn’t even realize he was smiling until the camera was suddenly pulled back and Awsten exclaimed, “He likes it! Jawn how quickly can you edit–”

“Shh!”

Awsten immediately slapped a hand over his mouth, eyes wide as he averted his gaze to you who had now woken up and was staring at him with a slightly dazed expression. He shot you an apologetic look and watched as you turned to Otto, who’s head still lay on your chest, and your tired expression almost immediately morphed into a smile.

“Goodmorning.” He greeted, a warm smile gracing his face as he brought his hand up to cup your cheek.

“Morning.” You mumbled back, struggling to stay awake as you melted into his touch. Otto bit back a laugh as he looked at you fondly.

“I’ll take you back to your bunk, get some extra sleep, love.” Otto said as he got up, giving you no time to think as he quickly scooped you up and began bringing you back towards your bunk where he carefully set you down. Tucking you in, he pressed a kiss to your forehead before you turned your back to him and went back to sleep.

Then, a second flash of light came and Otto groaned as he turned to face his friends, already knowing what had just happened.

“Oh come on!” He whined as the camera was shoved before his face, forcing him to look at the second candid photo they had taken so far.

“They’ll love it, and plus there aren’t enough pictures of the two of you.” Awsten replied as he took back the camera to hand to Jawn who wasted no time in grabbing his laptop to begin touching up the photos.

“At least send them to us first before you post them.” Otto mumbled quietly, pretending not to notice the way his friends' faces seemed to light up at his hidden approval.