I know that you are gone, but in my elven memory you will live forever in a light clearer than that of the stars. The curve of your beautiful smile, the softness and the nightshade intensity in your eyes, the skilfulness of your fingers -- I never saw you craft anything that your people are so lauded for, and this is but another lamentation within the ever-growing ganglion of regret rising upon my wrenched soul -- all that is you, will stay forever in me. Wrapped in my love, safe and evergreen, from now until I hear the sea call, and beyond that into the Healing of Arda.
No.
It is not enough.
It is not enough, my Kíli. I will not be satisfied with it. I cannot quench this love; and I cannot -- will not -- settle for memory. Not even Eldarin memory; dreams awakening.
I cannot be without you. My heart will not rest until my lips touch yours with warmth. My body aches, though I have not moved for days; the pain will not abate until your body is wrapped in my arms. I know this as surely I know that my shattered heart is leading me down the darkest path to Mandos' halls, as surely as I know you are no longer in Middle-earth.
My own amrâlimê. I have whispered the word in your own tongue into the night and the starlight over and over, and it shines as a beacon in my heart. My love. Meleth nîn, uiveleth nîn. This love cannot be soothed, cannot be killed, and yet, I am choosing death willingly. The sacrifice now is mine.
They tell stories of Tinúviel and the mortal man Beren, and how her plea before Mandos moved his stone heart. I go to do the same. But I also go to beseech Aulë -- your Mahal, who knows love himself...he loves the lady of the earth, Yavanna, she who birthed every tree.
Leaf and stone, forest and mountain. I think Aulë will understand. Even the strongest rock changes shape in time.
My only love, our time was too short, but our union is carved in a stone that will never be halved. I leave the Middle-lands that we both loved to find you, to set to rights all that is wrong. They say that Tinuviel and Beren returned, and left again, "in the forest, singing, sorrowless".
We will do the same, my beloved, I swear to you. Be it deep in the starlit forests I love, or beneath the majestic stones you called home, or something that is neither -- it matters not; I will come for you, and I will return with you. Wherever we go, will be made beautiful and real with our love. We will walk in starlight in this world, together. There was none like us before, and nor will there be after, but we were real, amrâlimê. We were real.
I come to find you and seize our forever with all my bruised soul. Wait for me, Kíli, for you are more than half of my heart. I am done with tarrying in sorrow and searching for bliss in memory. No longer. I go now to find it with you. I will return to you.
