#*laughs while crying*

He holds the ceramic pot firmly in his hands. The hyacinths looked no different since the day they first appeared; violet like his eyes and red like his blood, blooming cheerfully, very much alive; perhaps, just to remind him that Hyacinthus was not.

Apollo remembers. The tanned skin, marred with tiny scars, the lilac hue of his eyes, the soft messy hair. Apollo remembers the melody that was his voice, soothing and boyish, asking him, "why do you keep looking at me like that?" (and telling him, "Seek the caverns, near the springs of blue"). Apollo remembers the curve of his lips (and how they felt against his), remembers the nonsensical traces of lithe fingers — smaller than his own — across his back, his arm, his face. He remembers the kind smile, the furrowed brows, the booming laughter. He remembers picking flowers for him, from daffodils to orchids to roses to violets. He remembers telling him: "none of this flowers are as beautiful as you." He remembers Hyacinthus' snort, the blush that tinted his cheeks, the dimple on the left side of his mouth. Hyacinthus had said "do you say that to every man?".

(Hyacinthus' flower was more beautiful than all the others, too.)

He lets the ceramic pot rest on the window. The sunlight kisses the petals the same way Apollo used to kiss his skin, tainting it with freckles with each kiss. The wind sings outside, in a similar fashion to the way Apollo sang his poems, mere whispers against unruly brown hair.

(The other gods always told him his poems were dreadful. But how could they be, when they made the boy smile so graciously?)

He gets up. Walks away.

He can feel the scent of the hyacinths lingering in his own shadow.

been cheated on  |  been bullied  |  told a horrible lie  |  stolen something of value  | overdosed on drugs  |  been drunk  |  cheated  |  bullied  | punched someone in the face | been beaten up  |  broken a bone  |  been admitted to a hospital | had a near-death experience |  been drugged  |  done drugs  |  smoked  |  kissed someone you weren’t attracted to  |  bled severely  |  killed someone  |  had an attempt on your life  |  made an attempt on your own life  |  lost someone  | loved someone  |  gone without food for over three days  |  gone without sleep for over three days  |  been tortured  |  been slapped by a parent or higher up  |  been abused by someone who should have loved / appreciated / valued you  |  had a panic attack  |  been in a car accident  |  passed out from pain  |  cried yourself to sleep  |  spent a whole day in bed  |  hurt yourself  | taken your anger out on yourself  |  taken your anger out on someone you love  |  been used  |  felt used  |  used  |  been terrified  |  played a cruel game on someone  |  been dominant  |  been submissive  |  been forced to smile  |  felt too many things at once  |  laughed when you felt like crying

Oh, no, your question is very clear, no worries! It’s just super sad. :’)