As a cat owner myself, I’ve sought out a ton of anecdotal advice as well as expert advice on the raising and treatment of pet cats. Some advice I’ve had to ignore, while others made life so much easier for me and my cat. Along the way, I subconsciously developed a set of standards for my interaction with my cat, which I feel like might benefit cat owners across the board, new or experienced.

Also, please be aware that this is MY take on this subject. Not all cats are the same. Nonetheless, accept the challenge of getting to you know your cat better by remembering these important rules:

(That said, I’m gonna address cats as ‘her’ because ‘it’ tends to create distance by dehumanizing or Othering others, not just your cat).

1. You can judge a (hu)man by the way he treats the help, children, and animals.

How well do you treat service people? How do you treat your children? Or better yet, how do you treat other people in general? Think about that, and then apply it to your cat. You may be guilty of treating your cat like shit, despite good intentions. Ignorance is your enemy here. So, here are some tips on how to respect your cat:

2. Cats aren’t dogs. Stop expecting her to behave like one.

3. Cats aren’t humans. Stop projecting. Cats have cat needs.

4. Wash their feed and water bowls frequently. Just because your cat is willing to eat off the floor doesn’t mean they should tolerate a filthy dish. Doing so will keep your cat free of bacterial infections, gut problems, and disease. If the bowl has a pink or blue rime in it, WASH IT with SOAP. If it’s got a nice green or black colony stain, pitch the bowl if it’s plastic, WASH WITH SOAP if it’s glass or metal. Wash OFTEN.

Same goes for food! Don’t leave food rotting in the bowl. Pitch it when it gets horrid, clean the dish, serve fresh. Also, don’t starve your cat just because she doesn’t like the food you bought for her. Don’t punish your cat like that. Would you do that to a child or a friend? No? Then don’t do it to your cat.

5. If your cat is sitting on your lap or is being carried in your arms, do not suddenly drop or dump your cat onto the floor. I see this all the goddamn time and it drives me nuts. How would you like it if you were suddenly shoved off the couch? Or if someone picks you up and then just drops you without warning? Just because cats usually land on their feet doesn’t mean they should. Heavy landings can stress joints or cause joint and muscle injury, especially if your cat is heavy-set or elderly.

6. Pet your cat nicely. I always see people petting their cats like they would a dog, that is, with a heavy slap on the back of the head followed by a hard stroke along the spine. How would you like it if someone just slammed a hand onto your head and then tried to push you down to the floor? Yeah. Pet her nicely. Stop being rough with your cat. (The exception is playtime, coz then your cat is expecting it.) She’ll probably just keep avoiding you if you pet her like a maniac.

7. Stop punishing your cat after the fact. Unless she is rebuked the very second she does a Bad, your cat will not understand why you’re punishing her. Cats don’t make that connection. It makes you look inconsistent and unpredictable, and she will not trust you as easily. Example: My mother, who is not a cat person, tried to punish my cat for scratching her. This meant ignoring my cat for days. My cat did not know why she was being ignored, and just spent most of the time hiding. My mother was convinced that my cat was sulking because she felt guilty, and that ignoring her would be effective in getting my cat to understand what she had done wrong. I had to explain to my mother that cats don’t operate like that; cats are not like children. Also: stop projecting onto your cat. 

8. LISTEN to your cat. The only reason cats meow is to communicate with humans. Cats have evolved especially to sound like babies in order to get our attention.* Mothers will meow to kittens and kittens will mew in return, but when a cat is making noises at you, it wants your attention. Also, pay attention to the tone of meow she makes.She may be expressing displeasure (which will be followed up by a scratch or a bite!), fear, or she may be alerting you to something (like a fire, or if something in the current environment changes abruptly). If your cat gives you a warning noise, then abstain from whatever you’re doing. Do this, and your cat will make a better habit of warning you before she strikes. Cats that strike without talking have usually skipped the warning because they fully expect to be ignored. 

9. CLEAN THE GODDAMN LITTERBOX. If the smell is offensive to you, imagine what it’s like for your cat, who has a much more sensitive nose than you do. Not only that, but would you use a toilet full of mounds of crap that hasn’t been cleaned, ever? When your cat stops using her litterbox because it’s full, absolutely do not punish her for peeing on the carpet. This is YOUR fault. Clean the damn box.

Advanced Level: 

10. Imagine things from your cat’s perspective. You are a soft, small creature in a giant’s world. Everything is bigger than you: trees, cars, dogs, and especially humans. And most of the time, dumbass humans are not paying attention to anything. All you have are your teeny claws and a bacterial bite to defend yourself with. None of these things will save you if a human suddenly decides to grab you or if you get hit by a car. So, if your cat seems tense or easily startled, understand that she’s a small cat in a human’s world. 

That said, if you accidentally frighten your cat, you CAN go and find her and pet her gently until she’s not so scared anymore. Many people just shrug and leave their cat alone, and assume that she’ll just get over it. That’s not the case -- your cat CAN experience trauma even from domestic events (like turning on the vacuum cleaner or because the washer makes a loud noise), but her paranoia can be abated if you seek her out and reassure her that you’re not mad at her, and that the scary thing is gone now. When you do this, be gentle. Approach from an angle where she can see you, or make a little noise to let her know you’re nearby.

Also try to understand when your cat is suffering. Is she ill? Is she cold? Overheating? Is she sore, or in pain? Cats hide when they’re feeling under the weather, so if she’s suddenly not present or as playful, and if her tail is down, then take her to the vet asap. Don’t let things escalate. If it was your own kid who suddenly came down sick, wouldn’t you take it to see a doctor straight away? 

 Your cat is a thinking, feeling being just like you. Show her some respect. Be the person your cat deserves.

Super Advanced Level: 

Consider the life of your cat. All she’s ever known prior to meeting you was probably her own mother, or if she was rescued or separated too young, then she only knows that she gets passed around, and nobody talks to her. But when you finally come into the picture, either when she’s still a kitten or as a rescue much later on, YOU become her universe. Her entire day revolves around you: Getting up in the morning, breakfast, disappearing off to work for the day, coming home, dinner, then going to bed. Now, imagine: if every single one of your interactions with your cat is a positive one -- for example, petting and greeting and offering treats, or talking to her making eye contact, etc -- then that’s all your cat will know. And having your cat know only joy when she’s with you is something you want for her, right? If you’re always mean to her, or when you shove her away or ignore her, then she’ll think you’re weird and unpredictable and a little scary, and not very nice to be with at all. You’re all she has in life -- so please, make your cat’s life a happy one.

Epilogue:

If you want to develop a close bond with your cat, just spend time with her. Sit down with her, rub her belly (if she lets you, lol), pet her and talk to her, play with her, find out what she likes. Find out what her meow tones are, observe her body language, see what she looks like when she’s hungry or bored or playful or tetchy. Watch that tail, watch those ears. Feel bad about never making time for your cat? Don’t get another cat because you think she’s lonely. She wants to be with YOU, not some other cat. 

Does your cat talk to you a lot? Good, because it means you’re communicating. That’s what friends do. Don’t treat your cat like you would a stranger. YOU are her entire world. Don’t be a shitty world to your cat. 

Bonus: The Tail Code

Tail up -- happy

Tail down -- sad, in pain, scared, angry

Tail tucked -- insecure, nervous

Tail in a question mark -- playful, curious

Tail at medium, neither high or low -- meh, bored.

Tail puffed -- frightened, agitated, startled. Also accompanied by fur raising on end, arched back, ears back, hissing. May also walk sideways on her toes, looks super weird.

Tail down and switching from side to side, ‘whipping’ -- pissy. May strike or bite.

Tail up and wagging, ‘swishing’ -- very happy, content, focused.

Tail up and trembling -- super excited.