#*beatboxing

the answer i found is probably super obvious but i think it’s bc i see my asexuality as a bad thing and a result of being “broken” so i reflect that onto characters who i want to relate to more? 

like...midousuji for example, is a character i find really heartbreaking? and i can’t explain it but like...i see him as someone who probably can’t be “saved”? and that’s how i see me? we both can’t love? don’t understand affection and have never had a lot of it?

and i think a big reason i ship him with ishigaki is bc i often fantasize about a “savior” aka someone who could “fix” me. and ishigaki is a good fit for that role, he sees midousuji’s potential and purity...and when he confirms to midousuji that he has a future...that was very powerful and moving to me. bc i want that and thus obv see it as an incredibly loving gesture.

fukutomi is less sad. i just see him as lacking in the ability to convey emotion i guess. i can kind of see him as being completely fine with being unromantically involved for his entire life. i didn’t figure my reasoning for him so much yet..