#*advice

ahhh, yeah, i’m not online too much these days so i only hear about this from my friends. it sucks, especially when people are fueled by the engagement they get from negativity, and even worse if they refuse to engage in real conversation and stick to their opinion. algorithms promote negative posts if that’s what you watch or interact with, so you gotta be careful about that, too.

now i am not saying they can do no wrong. it’s one thing to be critical because no one person nor group is perfect, but it gets dicey when it gets into exaggeration, false accusations, rumors that become accepted, etc. and the mix can throw some horrible stuff at you even if you’re just on a casual scroll.

if people don’t wanna be their fans anymore, for whatever their reason is, that’s okay. and if you wanna keep supporting them, for whatever your reason is, that’s okay, too. it’s as simple as that at the end of the day.

just know that the majority of people are still out there living their lives and loving bts, lots of others are still finding them and falling in love with their energy and story. when bangtan come back full force, guess what’s gonna happen.

but in the meantime, if things are getting to be too much, step away and protect yourself. block. mute. unfollow. curate your timeline and feeds so that you can allow yourself some peace. be secure in your knowledge that bts are good people, regardless of what people try to convince you of without fully knowing them.

there are a lot of things out there to do. find something to work on or towards like a new hobby, watch a fun or comforting youtuber, learn a course or language and get the critical thinking part of the brain going, etc.

and the reason i am listing these reasons is because they have worked for me—everyone is different! but they allowed me to organically spend less time online because i’m filling my day with other focuses. join us in the great lock-in with bts!! we’re becoming more and more productive each day.

if that isn’t enough, think of this: there’s a lot of things the guys are doing that we aren’t aware of. people are saying bts has changed etc etc, but isn’t that normal? haven’t we all changed? just because they’ve changed, does that have to mean it’s 100% negative?

sure we do have taehyung with the coca-cola thing, and i myself still haven’t consumed any after all this time just bc he’s an ambassador. and we have the collabs with people that aren’t quite ideal, but the music industry and how deals work is a whole other beast entirely to talk about.

but we also have yoongi helping those kids and building a whole program and center in his name, we have jimin donating to education, we have namjoon building the bridge between eastern and western art, and that’s just the things that have become public. there could be millions in donations and projects and charity work we don’t even know of because they haven’t said it, don’t wanna bring attention to themselves, or they can’t talk about it yet.

i’ve been talking a lot about it with my rehab hospital therapist (my sessions end with her soon, sadly)..... but i really do fucking loathe it. i hate that it makes me feel like i’m a complete failure at 25 because i still haven’t had my first job- like retail or a call centre or hospo/hospitality or admin etc etc- let alone a “real” or “serious” adult job- whatever the fuck that means.

i fucking loathe that productivity culture makes me feel like i have to get straight back onto my job hunts and onto building my employability skills- by either doing linkedin learning courses or doing some online internships- even though i’m still healing from my surgery (i’ve been out of hospital for 2 months now and finished rehab physio a couple of weeks ago).... but having that downtime in hospital for my health under the bullshit preaching of productivity/grind/hustle culture figureheads on linkedin or whatever makes me feel like i’ve “lost time” in trying to “up your (my) game” or even “start your (my) path” or whatever the fuck.

i just fucking hate it so bloody much. i don’t know how the fuck to turn off those sides of my brain that like to ramp up the guilt on my resting- that uni started pushing into me from day one (1) back in 2015. i wish those parts of my brain would just fucking shut the fuck up lmao. because i should NOT be feeling guilty about resting/taking downtime for my health and well-being. and neither should anyone else.

oh, little love. i’m so sorry to hear your heart is hurting, but i appreciate you trusting me with this and presuming i have something valuable to say! given that i don’t know the specifics of your situation i have to rely on some assumptions and will likely end up projecting what i wish i’d heard when i was going enduring a breakup around the same age, but i hope whatever i write here brings you some semblance of comfort. of course, if you want to share any specifics, i’m happy to lend a compassionate ear!

• people—especially those older than you—will undoubtedly attempt to downplay the significance of your heartbreak or the relationship itself because of your age. don’t let them. it feels monumental because it is monumental, and often what those who will be quick to undermine your feelings forget is that they, too, were once sixteen; were once newly heartbroken, and once felt that the world was crumbling at their feet because of it.

• no one knows your relationship better than you do/did. only you and your ex know the nuances and dynamics of your partnership, which also means you’re the only people in the world who know the right way to process and heal from it.

• it’s true that time heals all wounds, but that doesn’t mean that it will come as quickly as some may have you think, or that you should sweep your feelings under the rug because they may some day be less raw. ride them out. sit with them. let yourself feel them, whatever they are.

• people (especially boys) do stupid, careless, and callous things when they’re hurting, and this includes publicly masquerading as carefree and unaffected. just because your new ex is goofing around with their friends at school doesn’t mean they aren’t also heartbroken, nor does it mean you need to feign apathy. despite how it may feel, breakups aren’t competitions, and you don’t owe anyone a performance.

• yes, you should try your best to avoid falling into impulsive traps that alleviate the pain for brief bursts of time only to deepen the wound in the long run, like texting them late at night or checking their social media for things you know will only hurt you. yes, you might slip up (i did, and do, often in similar situations). yes, you will learn from them, and yes, you will be okay. this is uncharted territory. go forth with a gentleness toward yourself and an understanding that though you might trip along the way, that it’s all a part of the process. extend grace to yourself.

• there has never been a better cultural moment for breakup songs. let them comfort you! you would be amazed at how much hearing your deepest thoughts and feelings sung back to you will aid your healing.

• externalize your feelings in any creative medium that brings you comfort. songwriting, creative writing, illustration, music, whatever. it doesn’t have to be “good” (whatever that means), it just has to be cathartic.

• call your friends. let them hold your hands through this. if you don’t want to think about it, let them distract you. the only way out is through, but that doesn’t mean you’re traveling alone.

• healing comes in stages, and you may be surprised at the speed at which each arrives. there’s no timeline; if you linger in grief and only pass through anger, that’s okay! no one traverses this landscape the same way.

• you won’t feel this way forever, but it’s okay that you feel this way right now.