#**ignore**

I’m telling them how tired I am, how EXHAUSTED I’ve been. I didn’t go to work today because I 1) had the worst depressive episode probably to date all year and 2) I got mentally exhausted to the core.

but I have to suck it up. I have to fake it all until I make it and just put a smile on my face and laugh until I’m alone, in my room, with nothing but my thoughts...

No one is understanding me. I really don’t think anyone does because not only are they not in my shoes, but thye aren’t getting it fully. I don’t know what else to tell them.

I’m freaking TIRED.

I’m EXHAUSTED.

I want to not be around any longer.

I even used Carol as an example of who she is personality wise because I relate to her BECAUSE she’s like me.

yet here I am... fucking up, crying, wanting to die, and almost want to go to through my mom’s alcohol and drink it because I want to stop feeling. I’m done.