#**anytime

jake’s entire life, he’s been secure in everything he’s done. sure, a few mistakes came through here and there, leading to regret mixed with equal amounts of shame, a potentially dangerous cocktail for his mental health. but every single time, he’s been able to handle it, telling himself he’s not a bad person, and that those instances don’t define him as a person. that he’s good, inside and out, and jake is well aware of his character. a kind man who cares about others, often times more than himself. high energy and big smiles, clingy touches with his friends to show his affection because words somehow never feel like enough. coffee dates and shopping to spend time together, checking in with his members constantly to make sure everyone is okay, knowing he appreciates when they reciprocate in kind for him.

it’s in the quality time and clingy behavior that jake finds his… dilemma, per say.

jake is the type of person to speak his mind, usually seeking out the guidance of jungwon as his leader to word vomit his emotions and thoughts to. won is usually able to help him work through the issues, and jake shows his appreciation through a tight hug and treating the younger man to a nice dinner, or buying him something he notes jungwon has been eyeing up for a while, knowing he sometimes hesitates when it comes to pampering himself.

but today, jake finds himself tucking himself under his comforter on his day off, a day where he usually would find one of his members, anxious to do something that exhilarates him, or at the least gets him out of their stuffy dorm. instead, jake scrolls endlessly on his phone to try and block the swimming thoughts from curling their way around his heart and breaking his entire world view with one little squeeze.

jake doesn’t think it’s a bad realization, but it’s certainly… different than how he’s lived his life up until this point.

jake has always liked women, and only women, and that’s where his current confusion lies. he has started noticing his members in different ways than he’s ever realized before.

take heeseung, for example. jake is a very clingy man, and he clings to heeseung tenfold. perhaps because he’s the only real hyung he has, jay never really acting like a hyung but more of a same age friend, only pulling out the older brother card when he wants to be a little shit to jake. which is more often than he’d like…

but jake has found himself longing to simply hold heeseung more recently, a thought that makes shame burn in his belly knowing that heeseung is a taken man and is totally off limits. and that’s when it hits jake… why is heeseung being a taken man making him feel ashamed? he’s not doing anything to him, but the thoughts he’s having…

the more they swirl in jake’s tired little brain, the more frustrated and confused he feels with his current predicament.

so now he sits, eyes zoned out on the screen before him as a tv show plays lowly in the background, thankful that they’ve finally moved into their new dorm, where he has his own room. his own room that he can hide from his members, and the whole world, in, wallowing in his self pity and bewilderment on his lonesome.

jake smiles lightly at his leader’s insistence on taking care of him, even when they’re not working.

jungwon: sure you don’t want to come?

jungwon: if you need anything, jay hyung’s in the living room about to take a nap and heeseung hyung and sunghoon hyung are upstairs

jake: i’m good, thanks won

jake frowns at the thought, knowing how absolutely exhausted jay must be to refuse an outing with the members. hearing sunoo call out a faint ‘bye, hyung!’ to him (and maybe jay) before the pair shuts the door behind him makes his smile return for a moment, before jake’s neutral face takes over as he resumes doom-scrolling on his phone.

jake sighs as he presses his face deep into the pillows, willing his brain to finally just be quiet, at least for a little while. jake knows what all of this means, but knowing doesn’t make the process of acceptance any easier. straying from the norm of how he’s always lived is the part that is bothering him the most, and wondering what it means for him as well his professional life.

would his members think he’s weird?

no, there’s no way they would. not with heeseung and sunghoon around, all members already expressing their heartfelt blessings towards the pair that they all somehow predicted would end up together.

jake doesn’t notice the way his hands are slowly balling themselves into fists as they lay at his sides while thinking about how happy he knows his two best friends are. he doesn’t want them to break up, obviously not, as their happiness is paramount to his own. knowing his friends are happy makes it easier for jake to be happy. on the contrary, actually, the thought makes him… jealous.

jealous that they’ve both already figured everything out, already experienced this internal turmoil of your entire self perception being tilted on its head instantaneously. jealous that they’ve each found someone to spend their life with, jealous, most of all, that he doesn’t even know how it feels.

jake is jealous, a fact that he would never admit willingly out loud. and he’s wrestling with his own mind, trying to figure out why, above all else, that he is figuring this out about himself, and no one seems to notice. sure, he’s trapped himself in his room at every waking moment since he started to question it, but heeseung and sunghoon had each other to help work through their emotions, remembering vividly how the pair were glued at the hip for weeks before finally revealing to everyone that they’re a couple.

jake longs for someone to hold him the way he sees heeseung hold sunghoon, petting his hair and stroking his back as sunghoon plays on his phone, or watches tv, or argues with jay about something pointless, an argument jake usually jumps into himself. and its during these arguments, or moments of peace, where jake finds himself staring, almost longingly, at sunghoon’s gorgeous profile, the satisfying, delicate slope of his strong nose, the cut of his sharp jaw, the constellation of beauty marks that adorn his face.

the thought of staring at sunghoon’s face paints his own in a light blush, skin running impossibly hot at the thought of sunghoon catching his longing gaze.

the core of his problem is, jake doesn’t know if he feels this way because he’s slowly discovering he’s bisexual, or if it’s because he has a crush on the pair.

because of course jake can’t just pick one man in a relationship, he has to long for both.

how selfish.

jake finds himself flicking through his phone to the youtube app, fingers working mindlessly until he finds a video. a fancam of heeseung from their most recent comeback xo, in a black sleeveless top and thin wire frame silver glasses. the first move already has jake nearly salivating, heeseung jerking his head back slowly and showing off the prominent bulge of his adam’s apple. jake groans, feeling so gross, wondering if he’s really about to jerk it to his best friend’s fancam, but jake can’t look away. he has no idea how he got here, his fingers tapping on their own accord to take him here.

he tries to push the thought away, along with all the conflicting ideas rushing in in their absence. jake decides to simply watch, gripping the phone tightly with both hands. he marvels at heeseung’s peachy pink hair as it falls down his face gracefully with every move, hair that he’s allowed to wash out into a faded orange that suits his skin color beautifully.

jake catches a view of sunghoon in the background, dancing in time with heeseung, neck and collarbone exposed beautifully under his black long sleeve. the sight of his milky skin stirs something deep inside jake’s belly, his current reaction mirroring every single time he’s looked at sunghoon since jake started feeling so confused.

after the video finishes, jake clicks on the matching sunghoon video that appears in the recommended section below, entranced by sunghoon’s slender body, concealed by baggier clothes, hitting every move with confidence a bit of his own style thrown in the mix. seeing his best friend in his element, moving his body in such a skillful way, fills jake with simultaneous attraction and pride. jake’s proud of how far they’ve come together from all those years ago as trainees, proud that he’s been able to watch sunghoon grow, and most of all, proud that sunghoon is proud of him, too.

the video ends with a black screen, jake seeing his own reflection staring back at him. the sight of his blushing cheeks makes jake groan, rising suddenly, his feet unknowingly taking him upstairs after seeing that jay is, in fact, fast asleep on the couch. he enters the upstairs dorm room, searching for heeseung and sunghoon.

“sunghoon?” jake calls out, peering around corners looking for him.

“jake?” sunghoon yells from his bedroom, “we’re in here!”

jake trudges over, finding sunghoon digging through his closet as heeseung lies on the bed, scrolling on his phone. the pair both look at him with kind eyes, happy that their best friend is here.

“are you feeling any better?” heeseung locks his phone and slides it onto the side table to give all his attention to jake.

jake shakes his head, thoughts running a mile a minute as he stands here, not entirely sure what his plan was. “no, not really.” heeseung pats the bed lightly and jake sits there, eyes watching his older friend.

“want to finally talk about it?”

jake shrugs, not knowing where to begin, or if he even wants to reveal his insecurities and bare his soul to the pair. jake knows the internal turmoil thrumming through him will cause the two to look at him strangely,  “i– i don’t know, really, what’s going on with me…”

heeseung offers him a small, sad smile, “well, whatever you tell us might help us figure out what’s wrong.” sunghoon turns around now, done putting away his laundry, and walks towards them on the bed, leaning against the wall.

jake’s silent for a beat before he mumbles, “i’m having… new feelings.” heeseung and sunghoon stay quiet, urging him to continue through their silence. “my whole life, i’ve always liked g– something, but now all of a sudden, i think i like something else, too…” he speaks vaguely, hoping neither of them catch on to what he’s saying.

sunghoon feels something stir deep in his chest, having an inkling of what jake might be getting at, something he’s all too familiar with.

“and it’s really… making me wonder if i’ve been living my life as a lie this entire time.”

heeseung’s lips curve into a frown at jake’s words, feeling like he’s grasping at straws trying to figure out what jake is truly talking about, “you’re not living a lie, jake. you’re still you, no matter whether you’ve liked this… thing the whole time or not.” 

sunghoon rises from the wall, coming to approach the side of the bed. he grasps jake’s chin between his fingers gently, tilting his head up. “be honest when i ask you this, okay?” jake nods, watching sunghoon with puppy eyes that make sunghoon’s chest nearly curl in on itself.

“what would you say if i asked to kiss you, jake?”

the lightbulb flicks on in heeseung’s head, a small, knowing smile enveloping his lips as he glances up at his boyfriend. his hunch was right.

jake’s face goes pale, “w-what?”

“you heard me. what would you say?”

“i-i–” jake’s mouth opens and shuts a few times, words refusing to spill. sunghoon grips ever so slightly on jake’s chin, urging his attention to return to sunghoon’s trained gaze.

“yes.”

sunghoon smiles at that, gaze traveling to heeseung, the pair sharing a secret conversation with only their eyes. content, sunghoon turns back to jake, “can i kiss you, jakey?”

jake nods quickly, his resolve now broken, wondering if this moment will help him figure out… whatever the hell is going on with him.

sunghoon leans down, meeting jake’s pillowy lips in a gentle embrace, lips slotting together perfectly. jake is timid at first and sunghoon returns in tandem by pressing further against his lips, urging him to go harder, feel deeper. the hand gripping his chin travels to cup his cheek, rubbing his cheekbone gently to soothe his nerves.

jake’s mind is completely blank, the only thing running through it being sunghoon, sunghoon, sunghoon. his hand grips sunghoon’s waist, pulling him closer and onto the bed, their kiss breaking for a moment at sunghoon falling on the bed. jake chases his lips instantly, sunghoon kissing back chastely before pulling back.

“slow down there, jakey.” sunghoon smiles, pressing a small peck against his lips before watching the boy in front of him, his best friend, the one with the kind eyes and bright smile. “we’ve got all day and nobody’s going anywhere, don’t worry.”

jake’s gaze turns to heeseung, shame burning in his belly, “heeseung, i’m sorry, i–”

heeseung cuts the boy off by kissing him, jake’s lips already red and puffy from just a few kisses with sunghoon. heeseung smiles into the kiss, biting lightly on jake’s lower lip. sunghoon’s hand snakes to jake’s growing hard on, one that he was blissfully unaware of due to the two names running laps in his mind.

“don’t apologize,” heeseung shakes his head lightly as he pulls away just enough to where he can feel jake’s breath on his skin. jake already feels so far gone already just from a little bit of kissing. “do you want sunghoon and i to help you figure out if you really do like that other thing?”

jake nods with a small smile, thankful that his friends understand his stupid and vague answer, or at least seem to understand.

heeseung smiles, capturing jake’s lips in another kiss, this one a bit rougher than before, but still gentle enough to keep jake on this side of the planet. heeseung and sunghoon know that jake is too vulnerable right now to be anything but absolutely gentle with him. heeseung pokes at the seal of jake’s lips with his tongue and jake grants him entrance, moaning against heeseung’s mouth as his wet muscle explores jake’s hot mouth. heeseung wonders for a fleeting moment how his mouth would feel wrapped around his cock, curious if he’d be eager to gag and deepthroat, or if he’d have to be taught by the pair. but he pushes the thought aside, the full intent of right now being to help jake.

sunghoon squeezes jake’s now fully hard erection through his black sweatpants, sliding up and down slowly before dipping his hand beneath the waistband, the only barrier between his hand and jake’s cock being a pair of thin boxer briefs.

heeseung pulls away when jake’s mouth begins to twitch, eager to hear his sounds without the suppression of his own mouth, “s-sunghoon–” jake whimpers, the sound shooting straight down to both men’s cocks. heeseung swallows his own moan, eyes growing hungrier as he watches jake squirm in sunghoon’s grip. “please–” he whines, though he doesn’t know what he’s even whining for.

sunghoon chuckles, “please, what?” he asks, actually wanting to know what jake has to say. he gets no response, though, so he decides to tug the sweatpants off jake’s legs. heeseung helps remove his shirt, and jake feels awfully exposed in just his underwear, sitting with legs spread open for his two best friends. sunghoon can feel him shaking under his hold, “hey, you’re okay,” sunghoon reassures him, “we’re gonna make you feel good, okay? and if you don’t like something, just tell us to stop or tap one of us three times, okay?”

jake nods in understanding, his mind still racing with the thoughts of them, them, them, “can you… can you take your shirts off, too?”

sunghoon nearly cums on the spot, seeing jake already so pliant sitting in front of him, allowing his best friends to help him with his identity problem. the pair complies, and the sight of two pairs of toned abs makes jake nearly drool.

“you look like a puppy.”

well, jake guesses he did drool.

the sound that comes out of jake is nearly inaudible, but heeseung catches it, his ears attuned to quiet sounds from the way sunghoon likes to mumble sometimes. “oh, he liked that. you liked being called puppy, jakey?”

jake would usually try to fight such an accusation, denying vehemently due to how much embarrassment a name like that brings, but in this situation? it makes jake grow needier, his quiet whines slowly growing in volume.

sunghoon rises to his feet, tugging jake’s legs to hang off the side of his bed before sinking to his knees between them. heeseung shuffles so he’s sitting flush with jake, the man’s back pressed against heeseung’s stomach.

“w-wha–”

“lemme suck you off, jakey. please?” sunghoon peers up at him with wide eyes, his need to have a dick in his mouth peaking as he stares at the bulge before him.

jake nods lightly, and heeseung helps him lift his hips as sunghoon tugs his boxer briefs down to pool at his ankles. the sight of jake’s length makes sunghoon’s mouth water. a decent length and girth, nothing bigger than heeseung, but decent and mouthwatering nonetheless. paired with a blushing mushroom tip and a veiny shaft, sunghoon uses all his willpower to not shove it so far down that he gags instantly, trying to focus this experience on jake.

sunghoon starts with a few kitten licks at the tip, jake already bucking his hips up in the air with each sensation. heeseung busies his hands by holding one of jake’s, the other playing with his nipple gently. sunghoon takes the tip in his mouth now, sucking a bit harshly, before puffing his cheeks out and slowly working his way down the shaft. drool has already begun to drip from the corners of his mouth. “our hoonie has a bit of an oral fixation,” heeseung explains, pressing a kiss to a new spot on jake’s shoulders every few moments. he rests his head to watch his boyfriend showcase his skills below, now reaching the base of jake’s cock.

jake’s eyes roll into the back of his head. sunghoon’s mouth wraps him in warmth, the texture of his cheeks sliding all the way down before rushing forward, his tip pushing down into his throat is enough to make him groan loudly.

“love your pretty sounds, puppy,” heeseung smiles at him, pinching his nipple harshly before turning to play with the other one. jake’s hand grips heeseung’s harsher for a moment as sunghoon sucks especially harshly while sitting with his nose pressed to jake’s pelvis.

“shit, hoon–” he gasps, a mix of a whimper and a whine coming out when he licks directly in jake’s slit before deepthroating him again. sunghoon grasps jake’s balls, toying with them lightly. jake’s body begins to buzz, his orgasm quickly approaching.

“you gonna cum down hoonie’s throat, baby boy?”

jake nods quickly, turning to face heeseung and kiss him sloppily, too fucked out to be anything other than absolutely messy, a fact that makes heeseung ever hornier for the man before him.

“look at hoonie when you cum.” he commands in a tone jake has never heard before, the sound pushing him further to the edge. seeing sunghoon’s staring up at him with an innocent gaze in deep contrast to seeing jake’s own cock shoved deep in his throat, slight gagging and gurgling noises ruminating from the man between his knees, makes jake’s rubber band snap harshly. jake cums, his abs clenching for the force of it, sunghoon sucking down every bit of it that rushes out, swallowing around his dick. jake nearly pushes him away at the feeling, but heeseung holds him still until he’s fully spent. heeseung waits until jake has stopped shaking to loosen his grip on the man.

“did so good for us, puppy.” heeseung kisses him lightly. sunghoon swallows the rest down before popping off of his length, rising to his feet to press a sweet kiss to jake’s lips. jake tastes his own release on sunghoon’s tongue, the saltiness and sunghoon’s lack of resistance to swallowing the liquid almost making him start to grow hard again.

jake feels utterly spent, sure that he’s the most he’s ever cum in his entire life. sunghoon redresses him in his underwear, heeseung helping him up to the headboard after. jake lays against the pillows, watching the couple before him and their matching hard ons, guilt spreading across his collarbones and seeping into his flesh. “what about you guys?”

they shake their heads in unison, coming to lay on either side of jake. “don’t worry about us, jake.” sunghoon reassures him, pressing a kiss to his forehead, “that was for you, not us. you’re still figuring things out, and we thought that might help.”

jake nods in understanding, knowing the pair have him all figured out. a million thoughts begin to bang on his brain, begging to enter, to dance around his head and mock him with their contradictory, confusing words and questions. jake wills them away the best he can as he tries to stay in this moment here with them, to etch it into his mind forever, knowing it will soon be just a fleeting memory. “it… it did, thank you.”