#*♥

have a good night, hon~ ♥ you’re very sweet. (＞∀＜)

four colours → red

[dials the number and after hearing to Luke’s voice, Ashley stays in silence, just sobbing for a few seconds] I forgive you, Luke… for all you did… I forgive you…you caused me a lot of pain but I could never hate you… and I’m not quite sure if there was a point in which we were real friends or things weren’t awkward between us, but I never desired this final for you… not even the day they told me Harry and you…. well, not even then… And I swear that more than once I tried being your friend, it just… it was hard cause you were right, cause a part of me will forever love him, cause he was my first real love and the only guy with whom I really saw no ending to things, with whom I pictured a happy ending, a future… and now he is devasted, all the guys are… I am…  I’m not quite sure why is it but I miss you, I miss having you bugging me to be friends, getting to my nerves cause you insisted on being my friend, everything… People as young as you shouldn’t be allowed to die… you had such a promising future ahead of you…. even I was  a fan of your band… Sometimes I wake up thinking it’s not true, I try to make Harry feel better but it doesn’t work. And I’m not jealous anymore cause I finally understood there is space at his heart for both of us… and I wish you were here, I’d show you my awesome dance steps to SLSB or try and fail to sing Amnesia… sadly non of that will ever happen, but I had to call, I had to tell you that I forgive you… I want your soul to be in peace… and with that I’m hoping I may go to sleep with less weight over my shoulders, cause at least now you know it… keeping anger for ourselfs hurts and… well it was that, I can’t say I loved you or anything but I forgive you… I do by heart… hope you can be in peace now…

[Sitting at a dark corner of her room dials his number and hugs her legs while the tears keep coming down] Ni… my mofo…. please reply…. please wake me up from the nightmare in which I’ve living… send me a selfie making a funny face…. I don’t know how to stay strong anymore…. and without you everything just seems grey… I’ve been spending a lot of time with the boys, trying to make everyone feel better, I’ve been trying to stop crying cause I know it’s not fair on Harry, it’s not fair on anyone else… but even when I seem strong, I’m not, I break… I’m literally broken and don’t know how to keep going anymore, not without you… There are so many things I could never told you… so many lies I did told you… and all I was left with was regret… they say you never know what you have until you miss it and it’s true… I need you now, I need your warmth, your arms wrapped around me. You were always the light that made my life brighter. And somehow with you I could never be sad, you always found a way to make me smile. You once said I didn’t change your life as the guys did, your brothers, but you did… you changed my life in more ways that you could ever imagine… I have on replay all the voicemails you ever left me… our videos we made together… even that flower you once gave me and I kept at a book. And if I could go back in time I’d still do it all the same way… I wouldn’t change a thing if it’d lead to you being my Ni, not even the break up with Harry… A day, just one day more, that’s all I ask for… a day to tell you how much I love you, a day to prove you that once I was really in love with you… you never believed it but I didn’t use you, Ni, you weren’t my excuse to move on from Harry or a toy, I was really in love with you, and maybe it wasn’t one of those great loves like at the movies but I did and you always meant a whole lot to me… and now… I just have this huge hole in my soul that nothing will ever fill cause all I need, all I want is to have my Ni back… Your mom…. she let me keep one of your guitars and those stupid hoodies you use to wear… and I hug them to fall asleep… I wasn’t ready to receive that call announcing you were gone forever… and now I wish I was there…. but most of all I wish you would reply one of this thousands of and thousands of messages I’ve sent you. Why can’t I wake up already? Come back, hole me tight…. tell me everything will be alright… I need you, my mofo…. I just…. please come back…

[dials number and waits to listen her voice] I never thought I’d be feeling this need to hear your voice once more, but here you have me… sometimes I call even twice a night cause it sort of calls me down, or I watch your movies cause the sound of your voice at the background helps me fall asleep… but it hurts, specially when it comes to Twilight… and I see you walking down the aisle… I see Rob…  I can’t with that, it breaks my heart to remember how happy you were… this is not fair!! How could you leave us, Kris?! I still need you, we still need you… What am I going to do without my bigger sister? I just wanted to be there, see you prettier than ever, see you happy, achieving all your dreams cause you deserve that and much more…. but that won’t happen, ever… I will never get that hug I was in such a need of, and I will never get to tell you that speech I was writing… I’ll never get to look you in the eyes and reminds you that no matter what the paps ever say you are awesome, you are loved and in me you will always have a friend…. Having to tell all this to a machine pains me, I should had said it when you were here… but it’s all I have left now that you are fone… Thanks for everything Kiki, if this year was somehow worth it, then you are one of the main reasons of it. Thanks for being my friend, I’ll never forget you… Never ever. I love you…