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mm . .
i want to die i want it to be quick && painless . . apparently ODing on melatonin wont work . . im tired i just wanna go i wanna die im tired im so tired of seeing my abusers just get away with shit im so tired i feel worthless cause i cant get more ppl to help pay attention to the situation && speak out about it i am tired . .
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we were gonna wait to take the melatonin as planned , but honestly . . . im js so fuckin tired , i cant do this . . i already took one , why not take the rest . . . i wanted to do something before downing the entire thing , but idunno if i can wait much longer . . i m. fucking tired i hate these people with ny entire being && what they did . . . they dont deserve a lick of popularity at all && i wish more people realized how fucking shitty they are . . .
im tired
took the first melatonin gummy today , we had trouble sleeping so . . why not ? there's 50 of em in here ! well . . . 49 now-
they smell good ( but really strong , starts to smell like cough syrup if you get a big enough whiff )
the taste is . . good ? aftertaste . . not so much
β toko
dunno when this post will go up , but the gummies should be arriving some time today . . .
why are we second guessing ourselves ?! just , take the damn gummies when they get here ! it's just like eating candy !! only the . . . candy has melatonin in it , ahahaha . . ! although , we still have that thing we wanted to do before then . .
m-maybe after that , yeah !
β toko
maybe if i recover , i might make a daily account for my blorbos ,,, there's gonna be a lot of em though-
plus with the queue system here , i wont have to worry so much , esp since it'll be a sideblog
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scheduled / queued post
spaced out the queue some , so I'll have enough posts to keep the blog going for a while , there's a special post queued up around February ( travis && i's anniversary month , so be on the lookout for that )
also @/lovesickseinen should be posting some interesting screenshots soon to tumblr && my twitter while they're looking after my account for me ( I'll give you a hint , its related to #them )
i love you
tomorrow is the day i plan on consuming huge dosages of melatonin gummies with the hopes that it'll put me to rest . ( or it might be a little longer than that . . . i wanted to do one last thing before doing this )
why gummies ? i do not like pills , nor did i find liquid variants ( also most liquid medication is nasty to me ) . . . plus , gummies taste good && i can eat however many i want / they are easier for me to consume .
will i regret this ? maybe . . . who knows , i might get scared enough before the side effects kick in && want to go to the hospital immediately .
is the intended outcome going to be the opposite ? most likely , but i just want to hope that it'll render me unconscious .
I've never really written anything like this , uhm . . . so im kinda just rambling here . . .
@lovesickseinen i love you , you're such a sweet person && i appreciate all that you do for me , i love seeing you on my dash && you absolutely spoil me with your art . . you && brawly are so cute . .
@x0zmos i love you , man , i dont even remember how we first met , but honestly . . you were such a vibe && it was so nice to see another suda fan just like me that was openly profic . . you're such a great friend to me , you stuck by me when things got shitty ( i can say this for all of my mutuals tbh ) . you also , are one that fuckin spoils me with your art , i enjoy every single piece you make . never stop creating , okay ? you're gonna be big one day ( && you'll get that follow from GHM , trust ) mondo loves you
@zeroxynn we haven't talked a whole lot , but you've been a joy to be around && your art is adorable ( travis is so cute in your style , i have all your art of him saved in my travis folder <333 )
@xo-gravekandy man , you're so fuckin' cool dude . . i know you've been busy n whatnot , i wish we got to talk more . . . hey , keep up the good fight ( && FUCK CHOCO )
@barayume && @v0mitgh0st roman && ghostie , aw . . . man , when i first got into JJBA , i wanted to find ppl to yap with , boy was i lucky to stumble across you two . . you both have been nothing but kind && loving towards me ( also travis && i's biggest fans , alongside xoz && indigo ) i wish we coulda hung out more , i had fun streaming nmh to you guys ( you too indigo ! )
@cowb0yluvrr bubs ! aaaa , we hadnt talked a whole lot , but you're a joy to see on my dash , your posts are so cute && i hope you're living your best fucking life with spike <333
i have so many more ppl i wanna tag , but im getting sleepy . . chronic illness aint no joke . .
is this goodbye ? idunno . . i cant really say .
but please dont forget me , dont forget what happened , dont forget what they did . . raise hell for me , be their daily reminder of the things they've done . this is all their fault .
don't forget me && travis . don't forget that i'm his one && only , no one can take him from me . . . any one of those weirdos who try to come around here n think they love my husband more than me ? well , tell em he's spoken for .
part of me hopes i fail again && i can hang out with you guys . . mm , even if im not here , or recovering in the hospital or whatever . . send me stuff , spam my dms or whatever with anything , use me at a journal or whatever idc . . it can be art , your thoughts , what you did today , etc .
i love you guys . .
well , i didn't think i'd be back here under these conditions , but i just wanted to update you all . . mayday is still planning on taking sleep aid gummies , overdosing on them , in hopes that it'll make him sleep forever . frankly , we are all very tired of this ourselves . i'm just a fictive in a system , so it's not like i can physically do anything to stop this . . the only thing i can do while fronting right now is inform you all . i would like to make one thing very clear: do not blame yourselves , we all know who the true culprit(s) are in this situation , the ones that hurt him . if something happens , promise us you won't stop getting mad && angry at them in our stead . .
this post will be queued , i have no clue when this will go up so i'm hoping people see this as soon as possible . i will be turning off reblogs to prevent any trolling that might occur . thank you for your time .
β akechi
