rambling about nova maybe sort of idk where I’m going I just want to think about her
she is a murderer. there is no redeeming her for what she does and she doesn’t even think about it any more. she’s had two hundred years to think about her morals and as much as she tries to hold onto her humanity, cutting another person’s life short doesn’t do anything to her any more
BUT. she has a family. three ‘brothers’ and two children that she would lay down her life for. and dmitri. she would do anything for him and hates the fact it was his sister who embraced her just to spite him. there are so many people around her that she does not want to see die
this makes her at her core a selfish hypocrite. she will take away others’ loved ones without question but the thought of losing her own loved ones would kill her inside
at this point she has been killing for so long that it just doesn’t bother her. perhaps it did once, right at the start, although the first person she killed was someone trying to hurt her, and she’s come to the conclusion that anyone who tries to hurt her is better off dead
I think it’s fairly difficult for nova to actually feel any kind of romantic feelings towards anyone because she’s so detached from people outside her circle. nobody could ever come between her and her family
I’d like to see Nova perhaps fall for someone slowly over time but then they make some kind of mistake, innocent or not, that puts them on the other side of a weapon. the way she would immediately just snap out of whatever romantic haze she was in and go cold on anyone who threatened what matters to her
like!!!! she portrays herself as kind. as gentle. and that’s what she wants to be. she wants so badly to be someone who is nice and kind and she wants to have a loving family environment. and she can play at that when she’s in the company of her three brothers and her children. even if none of them are biologically her family, she ignores that and shows her love towards them abundantly
but I think on the outside, and also deep down, nova is cold. she’s been dead for 200 years. her façade is the sensual, sexual being that seduces people and takes what she wants from them
all of her murders are premeditated and she could probably be considered a ‘black widow’ archetype
maybe sometimes she struggles with the fact that she’s not a good person and that the humanity she’s trying to project and hold onto is long gone. maybe sometimes she looks in the mirror and is so horrified by her own reflection that she can’t bear it any more. but for the most part? she can look herself in the eye and justify everything she’s ever done
