#* psychexch .

                           “ how’s the outside world treatin’ you , elliot ? ”  she asked, casually . the nonchalance of her posture made it seem as if she hadn’t stalked elliot alderson into that joint and lingered by the door for nearly twenty minutes ; like she hadn’t sat a bar stool away from him for a good while , watching the back of his head unblinkingly , expecting something interesting to spontaneously spill out of his scalp and onto her lap before she finally spoke up . could a gal really be blamed for being so fascinated ( yes , absolutely ) ? the time elliot had spent in arkham before his DARING ESCAPE had been so interesting . he had appeared to harleen frail and broken but still holding such savage wisdom ... dr. kopski had been terribly unprofessional , letting a patient of hers escape the asylum without putting up a fight , but it felt right . having elliot locked up in arkham asylum had felt as righteous as keeping a bengal tiger caged               sometimes , you just need to let nature take its’ course , no matter how horrifying the consequences may be .

                             “ still as shitty as you remember it ? ” harleen spoke through a dangling cigarette . nasty habit . her husband kept telling her she should quit . but guy had a lot of unprompted opinions to share about harley and WHO SHE OUGHT TO BE : stop going to protests harleen , cut back on the smoking harleen , no drugs in the house harleen , music’s too loud harleen , you sound like a child harleen , act like you’re my wife just for once in your god damn life harleen ... WHAT A PRICK . the psychiatrist lit her cigarette and blew smoke into elliot’s face , wrinkling her nose as she watched it dissipate from the man’s face only to find out there was still something quivering behind his large bulging eyes . he always looked kinda scared . a man that dragged the unbearable weight of fear on his back could never be free . harley remembered the clown on her TV screen . he had made it look so easy , LETTING GO . dr . kopski only wished elliot could understand ; absolute freedom was as simple as pulling a fucking trigger .

                 she chewed through his words for a few seconds before washing them down with a sip of her coffee . a bitter taste stuck to her tongue . something burnt . harleen just wasn’t sure whether it was the drink or the suggestion hiding behind her dazzling white teeth .  “ naaah. ”  harley shook her head dismissively . the cup she had set down on the table was tainted with red lipstick which she’d proceed to quickly wipe off with her thumb .  the pretty color was wiped off against the diner’s table . the drag of her finger across the surface only seemed to extend the silence between them . when she met her old patient’s bulging eyes , dr. kopski gave him a reassuring chuckle . POOR ELLIOT ; he was already battling with so much . and , as a reward for his efforts , the universe had thrown his psychiatrist right into the same little diner where he happened to be hanging out in . WHAT A JOKE !  

                      “ relax elliot ! people slip through the cracks all the time , right ? nobody cares ! ”    harley’s voice rose a bit too high , threatening to disturb other people’s breakfast . a mix of excitement and anger bubbled within every word she spoke . but she couldn’t help it ! harleen had finally learned how to let go . and that newly acquired skill came with a brand new sense of humor . inappropriate at times , but oh so LIBERATING ! she wished elliot could experience the same brand of glee she was experiencing . and for a brief moment , she wondered what he’d look like in clown make-up .

                        his spine feels bent beyond repair . rust’s tired eyes glance upwards , towards the night sky of THE BIG APPLE . the rooftops of all those buildings had pierced through the stratosphere , wounded the sky and bled it dry of all its’ supernovas .  there were no stars in the big city . nothing cosmic about all that NOISE and LIGHT ; no room for wondering . they were all alone in new york . cohle pulled the cigarette away from his lips . all those people walking up and down the sidewalk , carrying their shopping bags , dragging their pets by their leashes , all of them were unbothered by the idea of absolute darkness looming right over their heads . rust could not help but wonder what was worse ; the crippling ignorance that shackled entire communities to blind religious fanaticism or the quiet mass acceptance of NOTHINGNESS .  

                         the night skies seemed to slowly cave in . a black tunnel appeared to him . large and distant and horrible . cohle saw the street lights getting sucked into that ugly wound . heard the car motors echoing through a passage that wasn’t really there .  all those people’s lives , all of their little rituals , their hopes and achievements , all of them got sucked into a big black hole . RUST KNEW IT WASN’T REAL    ───    but it was only when he caught a child’s big brown eyes staring at him from the backseat of a car that cohle decided to focus on reality . the palpable world was as helpless as the depths of that hole . another drag of a cigarette . another cloud of smoke .  

                           he misses the wilderness . RUSTIN DOESN’T BELONG HERE .

                          but he does . the man stepping out of the cyber cafe , all dressed in black , small but focused ; little more than a shadow of a person . he mingles well amidst all the concrete and flashing screens . he’s shifty though    ───    rust can smell a lengthy list of unlawful behavior radiating from him , but he chooses to ignore it .  every time he came up to meet this kid , a distinct taste stuck to the roof of his mouth . bile maybe . no , BATTERY ACID . it burned cohle’s tongue . the thought of taking another drag from his cigarette suddenly felt irresponsible . rustin flicked it onto the road . the fire died out under the tire of a passing taxi .

                           he didn’t know his name ; NOT HIS REAL ONE AT LEAST . the thought wouldn’t have bothered him so much if he had managed to keep the same anonymity . the alias he had created hadn’t stuck . after exchanging only a few messages with MR. SEPI0L , he was quick to refer to rust by his full name . should have known better ; keeping secrets from someone who specialized in EXPOSING THEM seemed senseless either way . but he was useful . without the resources of the louisiana state police department , rustin had to find new creative ways to continue his research on the yellow king . whether he liked it or not , that often meant looking for help ... but not always asking for it . 

            a siren echoed through the asylum’s halls . red lights flashed , illuminating the now emptied cells in and out of existence . one moment they were there , the next they were gone . arkham kept fading IN AND OUT OF EXISTENCE . the ugliest symbol of captivity gotham had built , meant to dump those the population was most ASHAMED OF in order to keep the privileged and indifferent freed of any guilt , had mutated into something different .  a dimly lit jungle . THE CRIMINALLY INSANE ran amuck . free ! finally free ! no chains or straitjackets would hold them back , no padded cells would limit their worlds , the asylum wasn’t a prison anymore , IT WAS THEIR HOME . harleen was so happy she just might start crying . 

            she had been the one to orchestrate this safety hazard . cut arkham’s power source , get rid of the security staff , unlock all the cages , watch wayne’s investment go down the drain . finally , the victims and the outcasts their society had refused to look at were free to do what they had always wished to do . cower in the corner , burn down offices , laugh , scream , hurt , kill , die ... why did it matter ? why had any of them held on so tightly to what someone else had established LIFE TO BE ? harleen was so much happier now that she had LET GO ! but as she stalked through arkham , barefoot and aimless , dr. kopski caught a glimpse of one patient in particular . 

               elliot had his back turned to her , lingering near his own cell , watching as another inmate tackled a doctor down . the furious patient proceeded to punch the psychiatrist , over and over and over again . and poor elliot seemed to be having a CONSCIENCE CRISIS . 

            just as he seemed to be ready to intervene , the blonde shot her hand out , grabbing onto the hair on top of elliot alderson’s hair , yanking him back , like one would yank at the leash of a RAVENOUS DOG .          ❝        ah , ah , ah !    ❞           harleen said in a playfully cruel tone . the sound of flesh hitting against flesh mixed with grunts and huffs repeated itself tirelessly only a few meters away from them . but the patient was so ENTHRALLED by his own violent act , he did not seem to notice the two spectators . harley kept a tight grip on her patient’s hair . she let her red nails scratch against his scalp .   ───   it was far too late for elliot to develop a hero complex . she turned him around , pressing her cheek to his while pointing towards the side of the hall opposite to the gruesome attack with her free hand .    

                   there’s something different about her this morning . a very strange serenity in the way she looks at her patient . half-lidded eyes reveal a well-rested woman . someone who’s in good spirits and relaxed . but there’s something else unusual about harleen . a brand new pair of RED HIGH HEELS . one of her colleagues had complimented them . harley had proceeded to tell her to fuck off through the smoke of a cigarette . but now that she sat in front of elliot alderson ( oh , poor elliot ! poor soft nervous desperate elliot ! ) , dr. kopski looked anything BUT angry . they had a little tape recorder to keep them company now . arkham seemed to have gotten a little investment from wayne enterprises . THAT WAS NICE , WASN’T IT ? elliot would speak and his little words would become little physical things . something for harleen to listen to later while going through her scribbles . to guide her through them and reassure supervisors that nothing EVIL was happening behind the asylum’s doors . the doctor offered a small polite smile .    ❝     that’s why i’m here , elliot . to help you understand those demons and regain some control in your life .  ❞        

                   one slim hand reached out to stop the recorder . she needed to flip the tape in order to not miss a single thing . but right before she pressed record again , harleen tilted her head .    ❝     elliot .  ❞        she called , softly , hoping to catch the man’s attention . when she did , any hint of a curve that there might have been to dr. kopski’s lips had vanished .   ❝      if you try to turn these sessions into a circus again , i will tell the other inmates to go up to you at lunch time and shove their plastic forks so far up your ass that you’ll feel them scratching your tonsils .  ❞     harleen hadn’t blinked through that . and when she was done , there was a click . the tape started recording again . the doctor sat back into her chair . she smiled .

                    ❝    it is not uncommon to find the idea of getting caught comforting , elliot .  ❞  how many people had she killed again ? over a dozen , right ? how many kids had she had in her class ? (  gosh , i don’t know , at least twenty one !  )  harleen could hear the watch on her wrist ticking . twenty minutes , gone . her sessions with elliot weren’t long enough for any breakthroughs to be made . all dr. kopski could really do was feed the man with possibilities and hope his mind would digest them all by its’ lonesome . but how reliable were the minds of those incarcerated in arkham asylum ?     ───    HOW VALUABLE WAS SHE HER WORK , REALLY ?    ❝    i can only imagine how damaging it must have been for your mental health , trying to hide from authorities , not being able to trust others ...  ❞   harley tried to picture what she would do if a cop came a’knockin’ one morning , asking her all sorts of questions about fires and missing husbands . 

           there is blue ink on her thumb . harleen can feel its’ stickiness bounding the pen to her skin, threatening to leave a trail of fingerprints both on elliot alderson’s file and her belongings. the soft smile that usually rests upon the corners of her lips withers. it fades into something else, something more honest and human. it’s only for a few seconds , a little slip (  live and learn harleen, that’s what us gals gotta do, live and learn ! ) but the good doctor doesn’t appreciate it when patients try to talk to her as if they’re ON THE SAME BOAT .  newsflash ! they’re not . elliot alderson is on a fucking raft while harleen is talking to him from the shore through a megaphone ! still , this wasn’t the first time . so many had reached out to her looking for normalcy : JUST WANNA TALK DOC. CAN WE DO THAT ? PLEASE ?    ───     these poor delusional schmucks . talking wouldn’t save them . harley forced her lips to curl back into a pleasant curve and tried to rub the ink away against her lab coat . 

               ❝   sure is .  ❞     she agreed with a soft chuckle . large eyes pulled away from elliot’s bulging ones only to scribble something down ; fear of connecting or disgust for humanity ? EXPLORE . harleen looked back up . the light reflected against her glasses . it was hard to tell whether that smile reached her eyes or not .   ❝   but building a relationship is as complicated as lacking one, elliot .  ❞   dr. kopski nodded, agreeing to her own statement .  ❝  we become obsessed with versions of ourselves in both cases: the one created by our loved ones and the one created by ourselves .  ❞     harleen calmly sat back on her chair . elliot looked awfully small in his seat . undernourished perhaps . or maybe his raft really was miles and miles away from harleen’s island .  ( tap, tap ! hey , can ya hear me now, sonny boy ?  ) 

                       ❝  how do you see yourself, elliot?  ❞