#* concept.

chris: days not over, yet, i could get a lot worse.

WHAT DOES CHRIS LONG FOR?  IS IT A REALISTIC DESIRE? i do think ...   and do not tell him i told you this ...   that one of the many things chris does long for ...    is to be loved in the unapologetic and unconditional way that he is almost entirely incapable of loving someone else.    and i will say that it isn’t realistic for him to want that ,    because he’s just not able to love and trust someone in that way ,    and so he cannot realistically expect  (  and never would because he’s not that much of a fucking hypocrite  )   or trust them to love him unreservedly.    (  that doesn’t make his love any less real.    it’s just not stone.   it’s not static.   it’s fluid ,   it’s impressionable ,   it’s accommodating ,   and it’s sometimes unreliable in places where chris is otherwise not unreliable ,    and it is real.  )    but he ...   is so fucking insecure and hyperconscious of himself in just about every area that a person can be hyperconscious of and i think he knows how much easier it would be if he didn’t have to be like that in order to be worthy of love.    i think he can see the merit and especially the security of unconditionally love and loyalty ,   of being unconditionally loving and loyal ,   but it’s just ...   not him.

HOW OPEN IS CHRIS TO NEW OPPORTUNITIES?  DOES HE CONSTANTLY LOOK FOR THEM OR DOES HE SIMPLY TAKE WHAT COMES HIS WAY?  chris ,   although very resistant to change within his personal life ,   is very open to new opportunities elsewhere because he’s an extremely restless person that way.   i think it especially shows in his resume that he is open to development across the board and will take every opportunity he has to do so.    he’s relocated out of state i think three times thus far :   from washington to new york to work for the same network but just in a different kind of program  (   news night is objectively different from most programs on the air ,   i feel ,   even from their own sister programs in washington and on the west coast ,   and chris would have sold his skin for the chance to work the format that will mcavoy and mackenzie mchale had been trying to push back into the mainstream   ) ,    then took up one of acn’s foreign correspondent positions in turkey  (   to have experience working remotely and to get outside the american bubble   )  ,   and then back to washington to work as the director of communications / press secretary  (   because when claire hale asks you to help her carve out the deadwood ,    you get behind the fuckin podium   )  ,  and all three of these experiences would have been outside of the range he had at the time of taking them ,   but it’s all in the name of developing that range.   very open to new opportunities in that way ,   and is constantly looking for them because they don’t just fall into your lap and chris wouldn’t necessarily feel any gratification if he didn’t have to work for it a little.   IS THERE ONE THING IN LIFE THAT CHRIS MUST ACCOMPLISH?   WHAT WILL HE DO WHEN HE COMPLETES THAT GOAL? so...   no,  lol.    i’ve always believed that what chris would think that his goal would be to become an executive producer and run a program similar to that of news night ,   however i know ,   and chris knows this too on some level :    he will never truly be satisfied ,  and this does go back to the whole  “new opportunities”  thing above.   chris will always believe that he could be doing something more with himself ,   and if he’s done all he can do ,   he will do something else ,    until he’s done all he can do with that ,   and then he will move on ,   and he will go on like that for so long that he will work himself to death if he’s allowed to.   although chris doesn’t do any of what he does for notoriety ,    he does have an ego.    he does like to have his strengths and triumphs acknowledged ,   and it does come down to leaving an impression on the world to an extent.    he is in a constant state of concern that said impression won’t stick and outlive him in a way that is truly substantial ,   and that he won’t have done enough.    in that sense ,   there is no goal to reach because there is no end that will satiate him.   and that makes me sad ,   because it means that chris will never wholly allow himself to just be happy.