I wanted to make something that’d explain just how much I admire that brilliant head of yours, but I kept falling short. I tried to write some artsy ass poem or make a graphic that would’ve been awesome and wholesome and just perfect for what I was trying to accomplish, but nothing really worked. So while my grand plans fell flat big time, hear me out.
While the extent of your imagination can’t be narrowed down to simply characters, and there’s some that are missing even from this (that I couldn’t get in simply because there wasn’t an even number of people), I think it does give a glimpse into the big picture. A glimpse into what your head is capable of, in and outside of the writing field. Because I’ve seen your makeup dozens of times and I’ve seen the eye you have for all things visual -- and I’m not going to even touch your writing here because we both know you’re capable of giving me the chills with lines that are just right.
You doubt yourself a lot, be it about writing or something else, but you really have no reason to. Because aside from all the other traits of you that I admire so damn much (and probably flail about to the point where it gets annoying), it never ceases to amaze me how many stories are in that head of yours. You’re brilliant. And I don’t even know how to say that without it ending up sounding way less than it’s meant to.
And well, there has to be a special place in hell for people who find the most attractive people to use as face claims, and I’m pretty sure you’ve got the throne there.
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the sound of 2017, a.k.a some of the songs i got in to the previous year.
john mayer’s In the Blood, The Search for Everything - the first time i heard this song and the first lyric rolled out (how much of my mother has my mother left in me?), i was f’in floored. i’ve always been a mayer fan, and although he has probably more extraordinary tracks in his TSFE album, this was the one that stuck to me the most. the pangs of emotion the familial fears + need for individuality that the song brought out in me had me adding it to spotify playlists in a jiffy.
LANY’s Super Far, LANY - i’ll be honest. for the longest time, i thought LANY was overrated/over hyped with their song ILYSB becoming such a big hit, but i found myself listening to them with a little more of an open heart and instantly regretted every bad thing i said about them, especially with this song. i had this on repeat + scream-sung the chorus so many times towards the end of 2017. another rlly loved LANY song is Pink Skies!
lauv’s I Like Me Better, I met you when I was 18. - lauv is another LANY-like situation! i’d avoided him for the longest time since he was always popping up in youtube ads, but i gave this song a listen (along with Paris in the Rain) and found myself actually enjoying the bops.
khalid’s Location, American Teen - this is the typa song you’d get high to (but since i don’t do drugs, i just vibe to it lmao) and after finding out that this was, in fact, not a LANY song, as i had so previously stupidly believed, i was free to throw it in to my playlists and hum along to the lyrics i never got around to memorizing.
louis tomlinson’s Miss You - i have always, always been a 1D girl (#guiltyascharged), and more so, a louis girl! this was such a f’in bop. when the music stops towards the end of the chorus and he deadass says ‘shit, maybe i miss you’? what a concept. i love my boobear. (also, the fact that the first line in Just Like You is it’s the guy from the one band had me WILDIN the first time i heard it.)
niall horan’s Flicker (Acoustic), Flicker - echoing my louis trash self, i have always had a soft spot for niall. after the 1D fall out, i found myself gravitating towards his music the most - soulful, soft pop. i remember the acoustic version of Flicker dropping while i was in filipino class, and despite being in the front row, i managed to still watch it. anything for my boy/s. chz. (special shout out to Too Much To Ask for also breaking my heart!)
dua lipa’s New Rules, Dua Lipa - ‘OMG, you call LANY overrated but you jammed to New Rules? you’re such a hypocrite!’ blah, blah, blah. i got it. but, damn. this was on repeat for weeks. i listened to it until i hated it. i can probably sing this in my sleep. the mv aesthetics + the fact dua lipa is so darn pretty? absolute bop.
the juans’ cover of rivermaya’s Balisong, official OST of 100 Tula Para Kay Stella - although the movie turned out to be by a dick director + quite underwhelming overall, the juans’ soft version of a rivermaya classic warms the little parts of me that have had to go through unrequited love.
taylor swift’s Call It What You Want, Reputation - though Look What You Made Me Do was my guilty pleasure when it dropped, the first time i listened to Call It What You Want reminded me of Red circa taylor with a little more pop. when she sang you don’t need to save me, but would you run away with me?, i felt that damn lyric in my bones. t swift still has it, yo.
james reid’s Turning Up, Palm Dreams - james has that electronic/hip-hop vibe that western songs usually ride on, and although the lyrics is nothing but your softcore party jam, i can imagine screaming along to it at one of his concerts + his MVs always have great plots/cinematography, and the fact that it’s jadine (james reid x nadine lustre) has my shipper heart a-flutter.
ben&ben’s Leaves - along with Kathang Isip! a classmate is a big fan of ben&ben, and he played it a couple of times in class. i overheard and looked up ben&ben, only to fall in love with their chill vibe and sweet lyrics. the first time i heard you never really love someone until you learn to forgive (from Leaves), it made me feel a lil sorta something.
ed sheeran’s ÷ album - o.k, so, this album dropped in march while i was on an alleged social media hiatus, but it was so good that i emerged from my hobbit hole to run through it. am i a little bit biased because i’ve loved ed since his 5 album? maybe. maybe i am. but ÷ was a masterpiece; my top three are Happier, Save Myself, and Dive.
bonus! ✨
referring to my Spotify Wrapped 2017, here’s some of my most-listened tunes that i recommend you give a listen to (regardless of them being released in ‘17 or not):
you can't bribe the door on your way to the sky / harry styles, sign of the times - how 2017 looked like for me, a tumblr post.
a part of me wants to say that 2017 was a whirlwind, but if i’m honest, it really went by so, so fast - i barely could keep up.
february, i competed in a local slam poetry competition and nabbed first place with two mental health related poems, Closet and From the perspective of my cellphone. it really did feel a lot more like therapy poetry than contest-worthy pieces, and i was mostly glad to get those words/feelings out of my chest.
around may, i don’t know why i did, but i found myself running for student council body vice president! the whole politics of it all felt like a little bit too much for me (lol), which is why i’m sort of thankful i didn’t win - i lost by twenty votes, which kinda sucked at the time, but in hindsight, i’m not really cut out for student council. i enjoyed the campaigning experience, though! (and the fact that pretty much half of my batch mates thought i had it in me. wow.)
over june, i found myself in an UPCAT review center (which had me going back and forth, learning a little bit about hour long bus/jeepney rides) which was challenging & fun. the professors would end their sessions with high notes, and i found myself with a burning passion to become a future isko even more! haha.
somewhere in between the end of june/july, i went to boracay with family & two of my best friends as a celebration for mom’s birthday! the trip itself was the usual boracay to-dos - beaches and nightlife - but it was fun to have friends at my side, considering we’d known each other for around 5 years then.
i turned seventeen in august and was surprised by pretty much all of my closest friends the day before my birthday @ a local food’s park burger place. my parents coordinated with three of my best friends, and it was such a heart-warming moment for me since i was usually the one surprising instead of being surprised. i felt loved, chz.
september, i was kinda disappointed that our publication opted not to compete in the divisions school press conference - side note, my journalism coach of 2016 pm’d me saying she’d missed me during the conference & my heart ached a lil - but we had another opportunity at SPAM 2017! went to boracay again and i was thrown in to backpack journalism. i didn’t win, and i sort of understood why - i didn’t feel like i did my best. it was the closest i’d get to nationals, though, and it was a learning experience in itself.
the stretch of september-october were months for college entrance tests, starting with the USTET and ending with the UPCAT (which had me going to UPLB for the test).
november, my dad’s sister came home from the states with her husband, and we visited coron, palawan as a family! there was a lot of seafood + beaches, as usual, and it was such a sight everywhere we went.
overall, 2017 was actually a pretty good year for me! if i had any regrets, it would be not being able to pull through with several debuts i’d been invited to (either schedules would clash or i’d have terribly bad anxiety and not be able to show up), not attending as much poetry gigs due to promising i’d ‘focus’ on college entrance tests, and not working hard enough for the SPAM competition since it’s most probably my last hurrah as a student journalist.
but 2017 was quite gentle. i’ve grown slightly more comfortable in my own skin. a lot of good music has come out & my playlists continue to expand. i got hooked on to Stardew Valley and got a 3DS for christmas (to play Story of Seasons, finally). i came in to the year with the same boy as 2016, and ended the year with him still by my side, too. i didn’t have too many relapses and i’m slowly learning to practice the lessons that i preach.
i don’t want to ask for big things, but i really do hope that this year looks up - that our house will be constructed, that i get in to the college that’s meant for me, that i survive starting college - maybe i should hope i graduate first, right? haha - and that, i guess, happiness, above all. always.
