#(taeho.)

@idtaeho itaewon, alleyway.

smoke curls around her temples. sinks into her pores. 

it’s an off hour on a low traffic night and even the distant sound of cars on the main hill is muffled, a slow crawl. it’s the twilight hour inn between, when the buses aren’t running yet and the last train is long gone and you’re left relying on kakao taxis to get you home. kakao taxis that are, notoriously, hard to get ahold of around itaewon, given the reputation of the area. 

it almost feels planned. 

her lips feel bruised, her head spins, cheeks flushed. she’s taken his hoodie and pulled the hood up around her head, her ears, the rest of it hanging down long. it obscures everything about her that could be identifying, unless someone is going to take a look at her legs and make a play to recognize her from that. 

she shouldn’t be here, and she shouldn’t be here with him. 

but what better way to fuel that twist in her chest, that aching chasm of self-loathing, than to follow after him, slide into his car. the silence is tense, cut it with a knife. she takes his phone and fiddles with his playlist to kill the quiet. pulls a cigarette from the pack she’s found in his pocket and lights up, prompts the window half cracked down. it’s not often they spend time together in this suspended limbo state. liminal, tenuous, and she pulls a long drag of the cigarette, smoke filling her lungs acrid, still a poor match for the burn in her marrow. 

she exhales out the window. 

Actúa bien,Taeho. La chica que te gusta te ha dicho que te extrañ… bueno, te ha mandado unmensaje, pero reaLMENTE.

taeho had found less time for house parties since marriage and adult life had claimed him. but less didn’t mean none at all, and when a friend had texted him the address that night, he’d jumped. it had been a long week ( sober, work-heavy, kiha-starved ); the kind that required as many pick-me-ups as possible. he’d slipped into something more comfortable, grabbed his man, and let the night air fill his lungs with newfound ease. of course, he’d lost kiha right past the door. it was something they tended to do, regrouping later when they’d scoped the place out for something fun to entangle themselves in. gone were the days where he’d flirt with others unprompted, even though he was pretty sure cutting in was kiha’s kink. it was harder with a ring on his finger and no intent in his bones to lie about the happy state of his marriage. but it was still fun to watch his other half flit around the room from a distance. observe who’s eyes caught on his lover’s frame, and make the same point himself in time. ‘ he’s mine. ’

“ miss me ? ” tae asked, sidling up against his partner’s back; arms snaking around his waist to secure him skin to skin. it had only been a half an hour or so, but that was more than enough distance to build the rush. AND to get properly tipsy. his lips found the curve of kiha’s neck in a soft, too-warm kiss. 

it wasn’t habit that had taeho tapping his fingertips against the glossy surface of the bar top. merely muscle memory from another life, lingering ancient in the curve of each digit. he’d only been in the bar an hour or so; eyes tripping over kitschy decorations and swaying heads alike to take in it’s ever-glowing ambiance. it was the kind of place he often wondered if he would drown in, should he let his gaze dissipate into a blur. from the outside it had simply seemed bright and warm, but between it’s walls he’d built a rather accidental cocoon. there was no purpose to being there, and no one he’d intended to meet. really, he should get home soon. people had a tendency to worry when he in particular was late -- like he might find a way to walk off the edge of the earth if left untattended too long. and maybe that worry was earned, but tae loved the night like a brother. the glow of dim street lights sat atop his leather and lace like a second skin. he’d be fine. they’d all be fine. he was only two hours late.

the bar lights were dim in the kind of way that made everything they kissed glow. neither of them were scheduled to work that night, and they’d chosen instead to enjoy the opportunity to relax together. the entertainment had set up hours ago, now in the full swing of their set. and while it was someone taeho had seen play here a few times during his shifts, he’d never quite focused on the tune. his eyes typically dead-set on the drinks before him, or the various love notes his fiance left hanging off the edge of the bar when he passed. NOW the beat sang to him. lulled taeho into a happy mood, until all he could think about was getting his other half out on that floor to dance. he wandered back to kiha’s perch with a gleeful little hum; wrapping his arms around the back of his lover and pulling him close to his chest. “ baby. ” a kiss pressed to the shell of his ear served as both a hello and a plea. “ if i don’t get to grind on you out there where all of our coworkers can see, i might actually DIE. ”

taeho hadn’t meant to stumble across it just then. in fact, the entire situation felt somewhat serendipitous; the stupid little thing just laying in wait there in the shop window. mocking him with every angle of it’s perfection. cocaine addled by the evening’s earlier happenings, it felt like second nature to simply sweep in and purchase it. box it nice like the gift he meant it to be, and begin to ponder how he’d explain his current state to his husband nicely enough to then be able to pass him the present. it wasn’t nari had banned drug use, but he’d always been the one to care the most when taeho was too wired to finish sentences, or sit still while the date night movie played somewhere just beyond his comprehension.

but surely, it was the thought that counted. and yes he’d gone out to buy a baggie instead of waiting for his lover to come home like he usually did, but work hours were beginning to give him separation anxiety. and it wasn’t something he’d wanted to bring up earlier, or really ever.

“ honey, i’m home. miss me ? ” he swept into the living room with a too-wide grin and scoped the smaller man up into his arms.

taeho’s mother hadn’t been pleased that they were late to dinner. discussion of the reception they were going to have to let their families plan having already been pushed back for as long as the two could afford to. and when she’d invited the couple over for dinner, tae had known instinctively that it was her attempt to start the planning. her desperation for a ceremony she could attend this time overtaking her tone. she’d let them in when they’d arrived well over a half an hour past due with a stern-ish little frown, and let them retire together to taeho’s old bed ONLY after thoroughly vetting their ideas for a color scheme over lasagna. much less in progress than he was sure she’d wanted to make tonight. and in an hour, if they listened carefully through the walls, he was sure he’d hear her ringing nari’s mother in turn. but that was the price, he supposed, of his rushed marriage.

it wasn’t like taeho was ungrateful. receptions were expensive, and it would be another chance to see the gorgeous man he had tucked against his side in a suit. which was NEVER to be passed up on. but what had mattered most to him in all of it was simply the love shared between them. it had been nari’s radiant smile at the alter, and every kiss they’d shared in their vegas hotel room; hands clasped and lips sloppy with elation. to this day, it mattered more to him that their love had been expressed than it did that a flashy party for family and friends was hosted to show them off. they had rings, tattoos, and hickeys smattered head to toe at all times to prove themselves well enough.

now came their eternity, and all of the fuss felt just as late as they had been.

“ she’s going to drive me nuts. ” taeho whined into his husband’s neck; the two of them sprawled together atop the sheets. a certain level of fear had been associated with tucking in as he was almost certain he’d seen a tart in the freezer earlier. “ like good nuts, but nuts. ” he clarified. knowing nari’s answer would be somewhere between sympathetic to both him and his mother, he chose to distract the man instead of waiting for it. lips sealing over the wine-red mark he’d left fresh beneath his love’s jaw earlier that evening.

see actually, they had been on time. but narong had looked so damn cute in that shirt that taeho had opted to spend a minute ravishing him before the enthusiastic love of his foster parents robbed them of their privacy for the night. then one minute had turned to two, to ten, to sloppy, cramped sex and a half an hour. but he was HAPPY. that was the point of all this right ? being happy ?