#(mannerisms.)

the thing is, it's easy to outline What Happened To Lana that Made Her That Way™ ⸺ it's all really linear, which is not a narrative perk i'm used to. it's easy to tell you, like,

her mental/emotional baseline was basically extremely potent c-ptsd from 1. having her parents die horribly in front of her at age three and then 2. being raised in a cold and unstable household

she spent her teenage years being stalked and assaulted (usually "only" physically) by half the guys in the town she grew up in

when she was barely twenty she was coerced into a Very Bad Marriage with a guy who was already in control of every other aspect of her life, and of course he's a literal comic book supervillain, so on top of everything else there was A Lot of Non-Consensual Medical Experimentation (including, but not limited to her being cloned hundreds of times), the extent of which she cannot even be sure

her baby died because she pissed off the wrong guy trying to free herself from [gestures] All That. and he had a hit taken out on her (she was still not even twenty-one, by the way)

she had to fake her own death, pretty much immediately afterward, in order to escape said marriage because she was terrified that if she didn't, she would put people in danger. and she was just. alone

her entire body was commandeered by alien technology for 1-3 months (timeline is unclear and contradictory) that completely paralyzed her to the point where she couldn't even breathe without its permission ⸺ but left her 1. completely aware and 2. in terrible pain.

as soon as she was freed from that, she was kidnapped from the hospital by aforementioned nightmare ex

like, that's easy to do. and it's easy to tell you that since then,

she is so paranoid about surveillance that she won't even drive a vehicle that has any automatic features in it

she put herself through a course on withstanding torture (via blackmailing a guy who used to train na/vy seals). like a normal girl (she was 22)

she won't take medication of any kind. she won't go to the doctor if she's sick (at least not for years and years). the literal only thing she will EVER do in the way of #substances is drink, and she will only EVER do that 1. in private and 2. in trusted company (something she is, predictably, short on). like, she will not even overindulge in caffeine. she is that control-conscious.

she takes her fitness / training very seriously. she runs two miles every morning even though it frequently costs her (formerly crushed femur problems).

if you sneak up on her, you will probably get hurt. it's not funny.

she had her tubes tied even though she Really Quite Badly Wants a (1) biological kid (you will not get her to admit this) (you'll be hard-pressed to even get her to admit that fostering isn't #enough for her in the Motherhood Regard if she hasn't adopted) (she cannot! be wanting things!) because the thought of even [the slightest possibility of an] unplanned pregnancy is enough to make her lose her entire goddamned mind.

she is hypersensitive to anything that feels remotely like gaslighting or possessive behavior ⸺ which is worth mentioning because it means she's often mistaken about it. she will probably accuse you of things you are not doing. she will also like, come around quickly, once she's had a chance to breathe, and she is happy to apologize, but It Will Probably Happen, assuming a certain degree of emotional intimacy.

like. that's easy. and it makes sense. there is nothing that is hard to convey about that. i think what feels so daunting is the distance between what we're working with and the person she was ⸺ because at the core, she's still the same, but the difference is also so stark (or 'palpable', if you prefer dee's word). it's not that the light was stolen from her ⸺ nobody could manage that ⸺ but like, the settings all definitely got switched around. she is still wholly and relentlessly loving, but she is only especially warm with children (and now struggles to even be expressive in a way that's not performative, if you're not Someone Close). she has always been cautious, but she used to be able to take chances on people (like, that was a big point of pride for her). lana's always been the token #introvert of her friend/family group, but she struggles with self-isolation in a way that's still kind of foreign even to her (though, to be clear, she is Combating the Thing! she tries very hard! she does a good job! as long as you don't expect her to meet anyone new...). she's still highly involved in her community but she can't stand to be out in it that much (something else that was ⸺ and frankly, is ⸺ very important to her).

it's just, like. look. these are just from the show (which she left when she was 22). a Summarizing Face Cap from each season.