okay, okay, so i have got to go to bed. simply. but not before following up on my previous post about why i've been writing vox more borderline personality disorder (bpd) & histrionic personality disorder (hpd) adjacent over npd.
like his sense of self-importance is definitely fed by the attention he gets. he does anything he can to get that attention, he casts himself as hell's sexiest man, puts his face on every screen in hell, does anything he can to get ahead of alastor in terms of who is getting that media attention. he's fixated on his approval rates & the higher he gets, the harder it is for him to regulate his emotions.
his displays of emotion are big, huge & often tailored to his audience. i think think is empathy revolves on understanding the emotions that people around him need/want to see & his sense of self-importance is fed by providing that. i also think he fixates on being god because that worship. those approval ratings.
which a lot of this could also be interpreted as npd. but, i think there is a level of insecurity there that makes it hard for me to say that. that intensified self-importance makes his sense of self fluctuate everywhere. he wants to be seen, to be loved, to be desired. he wants to be needed.
there is the anticipation for rejection, this desire to prove people who are inevitably going to leave that it's the worst thing they can do. i think he aches to love & be loved but considers that one of the most dangerous things he could do. ( also his love language is war crimes so that's a whole nother can of worms to open ) but anyways, this line of thought makes me think of why he fought so hard to get a team & then dismissed them so quickly. his self-importance was defined by approval ratings & as they rose, he anticipated something would change. he needed, wanted to come out on top. placing himself at the head, above of his favorite person(s) was his preemptive strike against their inevitable split.
while the hpd / npd mix definitely lends to the way he spirals, a huge part of it also stems from a lack of accountability. he's never in his life addressed his disordered state of mind & very rarely talks about it. he might have let a few things slide with alastor or talked to val or velvette about the surface level, but it's something he has & likely will for a long time keep close to his chest.
i definitely have more thoughts on this but i have to go to bed so bad. here are the sparknotes
-grand displays of emotion with the intent of being seen one way or another
-shifting & shallow emotions ( which contrast with the deep, incessant ones of bpd. it's a huge internal push & pull & hard to navigate or regulate )
-chases instant gratification also btw
-thoughts / opinions heavily affected by the people he cares abt ( hellooooo. alastor telling him tht friends will get him killed in hell??? tht translating to how he views his allies & friends in the future peak example )
-insecure attachment style
-varying definiton of self ( one of the vees to the face of the reolution to god to ... ect )
-preemptive strikes against loved ones ( hurt before he can be hurt, dont show how much you care, ect, ect )
-self destructive behaviors ( everywhere but especially s2 finale )
-fp was obviously alastor. i think that attention shfited to val but alastor being close drew him back in & tht shift of attention was part of his crashout bcs changing fps,,, especially in tht context,,, is so rough
there are more notes to add but im so tired i could write an essay if i didn't have to work... i want to clarify that these things are not what makes vox do what he does. it's a lack of ability & desire to change / figure out a better way to navigate his emotions & needs. he doesn't want help, he chases those highs & wallows in those lows. he doesn't know how else to live & doesn't want to LEARN. goonight
