#'murca

Since Cel already looks great with aviator glasses, why not round out the whole set and give her a bomber jacket too?

Shaquille O'Neal.  One of the greatest, silliest, most dominant, most celebrated, most lyrically and rhythmically gifted, exceedingly humble and uniquely talented Irish thespian basketball-playing doctors that the world has ever known.  Never one to settle for mediocrity, Shaq has blessed us mere humans with yet another of his gifts, partnering with Arizona Beverage Company to quench our collective thirst with Shaq Fu Punch.  I decided to try the grape flavor first, as it looked the least disgusting of grape, pineapple, and strawberry punch flavors.  

It straight up tastes like grape candy - cheap, old, crinkly wrapper hard candy, or knock-off grape Fun Dip, or stale grape Nerds, or expired SweeTarts, or melted and refrozen and remelted grape Pop-Ice.  It consists of 10% juice, a surprise to me.  I assumed it was all chemicals.  It's clearly made in 'Murca.  As one can see, AriZona uses tinted bottles to "protect the natural antioxidant properties" of their beverages from light.  As if!  As if light would damage these beverages any more than these beverages would damage your digestive system if you drank this shit with any regularity.  

But, I must give credit where credit is due.  The brilliant performance artist Shaquille O'Neal has once again defied expectation and inspired a generation into believing... something.  I can't figure out what exactly, but his likeness is being used to sell shit candy water in tinted bottles, all across 'Murca.  And 1!

Flavor:  0.5/5

Health Factor:  0.5/5

Kazaam:  5/5