.
it probably says something about me that people cyberstalking me to copy my personality was less distressing than my art platform being threatened. it feels like. my art socials are safe for me. they can't be touched by my rot. they're exempt from all the nightmares and trauma that my waking life has been. it's where I go to kind of be someone else.
as a child I didn't have much offline so all I had was my art on the internet. the multiple times that was threatened I felt like I was going to die, as dramatic as it sounds. and I don't think anyone will ever understand why it felt so violating, because I don't think people will ever understand what art means to me. it is more than an escape. it is more than a way to connect with people.
it is the one thing they were never able to take from me, I think. they took my sister. they took my friends. they took my love for the wilderness. they took my passion for life. they destroyed my connection to animals and wildlife in front of me and forced me to participate in it. they did not take my creativity. when I make something it feels like I am fixing something very broken within me. it feels like the only untouched part of my soul. it has been the subject of scrutiny and humiliation, I have been abused and traumatized over it, but they were never able to take it from me. nobody will ever take it from me.
maybe that's why it is so traumatizing and scary to be in these situations. to have my work threatened like this again. to once again be a child who has to rapidly move from account to account to avoid the older teenagers and adults who decided I was a fun and easy target to pick on.
