#|selfpara|

He sighed as he got ready to open the door of the limo to face the flashing lights of cameras. Mater gave him a cheesy grin and it warmed Lightning’s heart to know he still had his best friend to help him. There were a lot of things wrong with his life but there were also plenty of good things. He’d just have to shift his view on life. He couldn’t be sad forever, could he? 

Once he was past the cameras and the reporters, How are you feeling, Lightning? Did Hudson’s death really affect you? Can you bring your A-game?, the party seemed like it would be a breeze. He was lost in the music and all the fancy trimmings before running into other racers. He was happy to see familiar faces and let all of his burdens go for the sake of not being a wet blanket. He’d loved parties like this before and he was determined to do it again.

Everything was going well and he was even enjoying himself a bit when Mater started being his usual Mater self and Lightning had to step in to explain things to him. His friend then dragged him to meet one of the main reasons Lightning was in this event, Francesco Bernoulli. The Italian had challenged Lightning on live TV and Mater had taken matters into his own hands and before he knew it, Lightning was signed up in the World Grand Prix as an American racer. 

“Mr. San Francisco!” Mater greeted. Lightning hadn’t corrected him in hopes that the Italian would be annoyed by it. He’d heard that the formula racer was cocky, full of himself, and overly dramatic. Just the kind of person Lightning hated.

“Ah! It is the Americans.” Francesco grinned exposing pearly white teeth and his blue eyes shined in the lights of the ballroom they were in. He was handsome, Lightning thought, he’d give him that. 

“This is Lightning McQueen. The best dang racer you’ll ever meet.” Mater smiled as he introduced them completely unaware of the two staring each other down. 

“Oh, really? In America he is the best but that does not mean he is THE best.” Francesco’s laugh was sarcastic as best. He offered Lightning his hand along with a charming smile. Lightning would have rolled his eyes if it wasn’t rude.

“It’s nice to meet you, Francesco.” Lightning was polite as he shook his hand. He wasn’t about to let the guy get to him. The Italian shook his hand with the biggest smile on his face. “I hear you’re the best in Italy.”

Francesco was stopped from replying by a very beautiful woman. She was dripping in gold and jewels. Lightning noted she had a designer label on everything she wore and if it wasn’t for the bratty voice, she would have even been attractive to him. 

“Francesco,” her accent was thicker than Francesco’s. “You promised I would have fun and I am so bored.”

“Then go drink something, tesoro.” Francesco cooed as he was talking to a child. “Now run along, I have talking to do.”

“Fine, but I want a new Chanel now.” She rolled her eyes before looking Lightning up and down. She gave him a seductive smirk before flipping her long curls and walking away. 

“She is beautiful, no?” Francesco asked as he watched her walk away.

“Yeah, she is.” Lightning didn’t have much of an opinion on women. He liked them and found them beautiful but he probably didn’t see what straight men saw. 

“Maybe I’m trying to fill a void in my heart with her beauty and company.” He said it so seriously that Lightning almost believed him but the smile on the Italian’s face was confusing him.

“We all have our demons, I suppose.” He didn’t know what possessed him to say it but Francesco just looked at him seriously for a moment before a smile lit up his face.

“Do you have a special someone? You are handsome enough.” There was a twinkle in Francesco’s eye that he couldn’t quite place but he gave him a half-smile.

“Uh, no. I’m fine on my own.” Lightning’s smile tightened without his consent.

“If you say so. Marina is perfect for me.” Francesco said “Do you not think?”

Lightning shrugged, “Doesn’t matter what I think.”

“This means you do not agree. I like honesty so say what is on your mind.”

“Um, I don’t know you well enough to just tell you what I think. You’re gonna think I’m an asshole.” 

“No, I think you are a good racer with a handsome face and a polite manner.”

“You won’t think I’m polite if I tell you that maybe you should break up with her.”

Francesco’s face didn’t change. He kept an even stare as Lightning spoke. It was a little unnerving. “Well, go on. Tell me what you think. If I did not want to know, I would not have asked.”

“Well, if you insist.” Lightning sighed and faked a smile. “I think your girlfriend is more of a accessory than a person. She obviously wants nothing more than pretty things from you but what do I know? I’ve only known her for about two seconds. You seem kind of detached too since you’re asking me, a literal stranger, for an opinion of her. Are you looking for an excuse to get rid of her?”

“No. I was just trying to confirm what I knew. You seemed reasonable and intelligent.” Francesco shrugged and Lightning was confused. Who did that?

“Dude, I’m 21. I just got out of a pretty bad situation so I’m not really the person to ask.” He was incredibly tired all of a sudden. 

Francesco nodded with a sincere smile before placing a hand on Lightning’s shoulder, “Yes, I was sorry to hear about your mentor. My condolences for what they are worth.”

“Thanks.” It was all he could manage to say. He’d heard it a million times by now but he believed it from Francesco for some reason. Like his condolences were for the horror of a relationship he had to suffer along with the death of the only man who’d meant so much to him.

“Of course. They say Francesco is heartless but he is simply too much for ordinary people.”

Lightning couldn’t help but laugh at that. It was almost strange since he hadn’t felt any kind of joy in the last couple of months. “I’d love your confidence.”

“You will have it too because I am sure you had it once. Everything ends, McQueen, the good and the bad.” Francesco offered as he took to glasses from a waitress that wondered by and offered one to Lightning who took it. “A toast?”

“To what?” 

“To a great race and to more moments that make you laugh and show off your beautiful smile.”

Lightning chuckled at that again before clinking their glasses together. He took a sip of the wine. “You’re not so bad, Bernoulli.” 

“Oh, I’m a lot more fun than you think.” Francesco winked at him and Lightning had to take another sip of his wine to hide the blush. 

“I’m sure.” 

“I think we will be good friends, McQueen.” Francesco nodded as if he alone knew the future. “Now come, let us meet our competitors and make them aware of who they will lose too.”

“Like I got a choice.” Lightning muttered as Francesco dragged him by the arm to meet the other racers. He was surprised with how much he laughed and how genuinely calm he was for the rest fo the night.

He threw himself back on the bed and covered his eyes. How was he supposed to get through this? Lightning rolled over an buried his face in a shirt Fran had left on their bed. 

“I was in the shower. Did you miss me that much?” Francesco teased him as walked back into room. Lightning groaned in response. 

Francesco chuckled as he kneeled next to the bed and nudged his husband. “She’s gonna love you, Lampi. Almost as much as I do.” 

Lightning turned around to look at his husband. He was resting his chin on his arms as he looked at Lightning as he was the most interesting thing in the world. Lightning leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the other’s lips. “I just want her to like me. She’s your mama and she’s important to you.”

“Oh, of course she will. You’re handsome, polite, and kind. There’s no reason why she wouldn’t.” Francesco climbed into bed with him and faced him. “And you love me. What more could she want?”

Lightning scooted until his face was pressed into Francesco’s bare chest. “I don’t know....grandchildren?”

“Well, yes, but she can have those too.” Francesco chuckled nervously.

“Maybe. Some day.” Lightning stayed as he felt Fran wrap his arms around him. He pressed kisses to the skin in front of him before sitting up. “But you’re right if I sit here and think about it, I’ll start worrying about if my lack of vagina is going to make your mom hate me.”

“Monty....” Fran started but Lightning threw his shirt at him.”

“It’s late. We gotta get going.” He was in what Sarah had always called Racing-mode. He shut off his emotions to do what needed to be done. 

He let Francesco pick out his clothes and before he knew it they were sitting at the table of a very expensive restaurant for breakfast waiting for Elena Bernoulli.

“Stop fidgeting.” Francesco scolded him as if he was a child.

Lightning glared at him, “I’m not a child.” But he placed a hand over Fran’s anyway because God, was he nervous. 

Francesco smiled at him but something caught his eye before he could offer more words of comfort. He stood from his chair quickly and walked around the table towards a beautiful woman that could only be Francesco’s mother. Lightning felt fear creep up his spine as Francesco embraced his mama. He walked her back to their table and Bolt perked up at his feet.

“Mama, this is my husband, the fam-”

“I’m Montgomery McQueen, m’am, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” Lightning stood up so suddenly that Bolt sat up. He chuckled nervously as the water spilled onto the ground from his shaking the table. 

The woman had the same eyes as Francesco but the color was wrong. Hers were a deep brown very unlike the blue of Francesco’s. It was strange since he’d seen picture of Francesco’s dad and his eyes were also brown. He figured he was fixating on the eyes because he was scared to death she was going to reject him.

She walked closer to him and examined him before speaking up. “You are very handsome.”

“Th-thanks.” Lightning had to stop himself from shaking as she stared up at him. She was a head shorter but he could see that she would strike fear into anyone.

“You are also one of the few people that have beaten my son in a race.” A smile appeared on her lips now. “It is good. He needs someone to put him in his place and I think you can do just that.”

Lightning let out a small laugh as he relaxed. After getting the table cleaned up and sitting back down, they ordered their breakfast.

“Since my son does not tell me things fully, I thought I would be greeting a wife not a husband but hopefully you will like this as well.” Mama handed Lightning a box of Chanel skincare. Something Lightning had never used but he nodded and received it with a smile.

“Thank you. You really don’t have to get me anything.” Lightning was a lot more relaxed now. Francesco was beaming and holding one of his hands. “I’m just glad to meet you.”

“I am so happy to meet you! I wanted to know who was the source of my child’s happiness.”

Lightning blushed and smiled. Soon, the two started conversing in fast Italian and Lightning understood what they were saying but he didn’t want to interrupt. Francesco needed the time to be with his mother. Lightning ate his breakfast and answered any question directed towards him. 

They spent a couple of hours together before Mama had to leave. Francesco got up to pay the check leaving his mother and Lightning together.

“I am very glad he met you. He seems happier than he ever been. It is good for my heart to see this. I worry about him but you seem to be just what he needed so I a m thankful.”

Lightning fought the tears. This woman who didn’t know him that well loved him and accepted him so easily. “I think it’s he who helped me. The least I could do was make sure he was happy too. I assure you I want nothing but the best for him and that I really do love him.”

Mama smiled at him as she reached for his hand. “You deserve the happiness he gives you too, Monty. I can see that there is a lot of fear in you. There is a lot you do not know and it is not what you are used to but there is a lot of love in you’re life, bambino. You two will be very happy together and I look forward to the day where I get many beautiful grandchildren from you two!”

Lightning was crying now. Mama cooed as she hugged him and petted his hair as if he was her son too. 

“I left for two minutes and you made him cry, Mama.” Francesco looked concerned but Lightning smiled at him as Mama wiped the tears from his face. 

“Crying is not always bad, cara mia.” They stood up and Francesco immediately placed and arm around him with a kiss of his cheek. Lightning grabbed Bolt’s leash and they walked out together.

There was a teary good-bye between Francesco and his mother. The woman turned to him and Lightning smiled, “It was nice meeting you, Signora Bernoulli.”

“No, no. To you I am Mama Elena. We are family, no?” The woman pulled him down and squeezed him like a mother should and Lightning had to count in his head to stop himself from crying again.

“Alright, Mama Elena. We’ll call, I promise.”

“Be happy. Let me know when I’m getting a nipote that’s not furry.” Lightning and Francesco blushed as she pet Bolt.

Fran sighed sadly as the woman drove away. Lightning squeezed his hand, “I see where you get it from, babe. Your Mama is a queen.”

A rental car and hotel visit later, he arrived at his destination. He parked the car and walked across the soft grass towards the place that he had laid to rest the person who had mattered to him the most. 

He smiled as he stopped in front of the grave. It read: 

Elliot ‘Doc’ Hudson

Friend. Mentor. Legend.

He knew that Doc would roll his eyes at the legend part but Lightning had been adamant that it was there. The man had been a legend in the sport. They’d renamed the Piston cup after him. There was a room in the Hall of Fame just for him. He would have scoffed at all of it but for Lightning it meant that his mentor lived on. He remembered sobbing when he won the first Hudson Hornet Piston Cup. 

He sat on the grass after he took off the dead flowers there and replaced them with red roses. They had been Doc’s favorite. He tried to visit every month. It was hard with his schedule. Almost impossible once he got hurt. But he promised Doc he’d come see him even if he was being an inconvenient bastard.

“Only you would make me come out all the way here to visit. It’s nice to know you’re still making me do things even now.” Lightning chuckled as he pet Bolt who had laid his head in his lap.  “I miss you, you grouchy old man.”

5 Years Ago

When he’d finally worked up the nerve to ask where he wanted to be buried, he’d gotten a different answer then he’d thought. 

 “Carefree, Arizona? Why there?”

Doc chuckled and looked up from his book. He looked so strange in a hospital bed but it’d become their new normal. “I like it there. It’s beautiful.” 

“You’re from South Carolina. I’d understand Radiator Springs. You’ll be away from everyone. You’re hellbent on being inconvenient.”

“I hate to say it, kiddo, but it’ll just be a body. No reason to go see it.” 

Lightning had to swallow the lump in his throat that quickly formed. He’d become an expert at not crying by this point. “Right.”

“Don’t look like that.” Doc chided him as he always did whenever Lightning withdrew.

“Like what?” Lightning opened his phone and pretended like he was reading something important. Just another text from him.

“Like I died already.”

Lightning looked up, furious in the moment that Doc would say something like that. “I can’t believe you sometimes. How can you be so-so...”

“Detached?” Doc offered him a warm smile to soothe his anger. It worked. Lightning slipped into the sadness again. The older man offered a hand to him and Lightning moved to take it and pressed his forehead to it. “I’m sorry, kiddo. I guess I’m just ready for it.”

Lightning suddenly felt Doc’s age through his voice and the warmth of his hand. He had never felt frail before. He’d always been a pillar of strength. He’d been the father he’d wished he’d had. How could it be fair that he’d only have him for such a short time? 

“But I’m not.” He’d tried to keep the emotion out of his voice but he was crying again.

“We don’t get much of a choice, I’m afraid.” Doc moved so that he could run his other hand through his hair. It was such a comforting action. They weren’t like this before. This damn disease had brought them closer before it would separate them forever.

His phone was ringing but he let it fall to the floor. Nothing in the world could move him from where he was. The tears were flowing freely from his eyes as Doc continued to pet him.

“I don’t want you to go. What am I going to do without you?” Lightning was choking as Doc pulled his hands away to take his face in them and lifted his face up. His heart broke as he saw the tears in Doc’s eyes and the warm smile that never seemed to falter.

“Listen to me because I’m only going to say this once. This will be the only time you cry for me. You are going to continue to do your best because it’s what I expect from you. You’re going to leave that good-for-nothing bastard you call a boyfriend and you’re going to be just fine without him. Someone infinitely better will come along and show you what love it. You’re going to seize each and every opportunity that comes your way. You’re going to think of me and you’re going to smile because I would be proud of you. I’ll always be proud of you because I never thought I’d have a son but I still got you. Don’t ever doubt that I loved you or that I was proud. Because I do love you and I’m immensely proud. You will walk through life knowing that I thought you were the best thing that ever happened to me and that I’m still with you. You’re a great racer, you’re an excellent friend, and an amazing person and I was the one who was privileged to call you son.”

Lightning was sobbing now. He was crying like he never had before. It hurt his chest and he felt like his heart was shattering with each sob that left. He was pulled into Doc’s arms and sobbed into his shoulder. As frail as he was, Doc’s embrace felt like the safest place in the world.

“I’m going to miss you, Dad.” 

“Ah, son, I’m never going anywhere too far.”

Present Time

He’d never forget the breath Doc took when he called him Dad. He’d never forget the smile he gave him or the kiss he pressed into his hair. That was the moment, Doc became Dad even if he only called him that in the few months that followed.

Lightning smiled. He never shed another tear because Doc was the only one who ever got him to listen.  He was sad, of course. He’d been the worst at Doc’s funeral but he hadn’t cried. He’d held Sarah as she sobbed and he’d retreated but he’d promised to be the best he could and he had.

He’d given everything to his career and he’d listened and walked away from the abuse that was his relationship. He had done like Doc said and he’d seized every moment. He’d met Francesco because of that. But he still felt like he’d failed because he hadn’t felt amazing.

“You’d hate him, wouldn’t you?” Lightning chuckled. “You’d tell me he was too dramatic and too annoying. But he saved me, Dad. From myself. I tried to be good and keep it together but I fell apart. I know that now. Okay isn’t okay if it’s only a mask. I’m trying really hard now. I don’t cry but I’m sad. I’m sad so much that sometimes I forget to be happy. Francesco doesn’t let me be sad. He’s distracting that way. I know I have a long way to go but I’m finally taking steps. I know you’re proud of me. I know you love me. I love you too.”

Lightning talked for an hour. He told Doc all about Francesco and how they’d finally admitted they liked each other at least. He told him all about class and the new friends he made. He told him about Mater and Radiator Springs. 

“So I’ll be ready for next season and I’ll destroy Jackson Storm. You’d tell me it wasn’t about that. But I’m a petty person I guess and I want to beat him just to see the look on his face. I promise I’ll stop after that. What can I say? I’m competitive.” Lightning sighed as a breeze came by and tousled his hair. “I know you’d tell me that I don’t have to visit anymore but I want to. So I will because you can’t tell me what to do. This is when you’d tell me it’s only because you’re dead so I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.”

Lightning chuckled as he stood up. Bolt stretched next to him and wagged his tail. Lightning stretched and placed his hand on the marble tombstone that was probably to fancy for Doc. “I’ll see you as soon as I can be back. It is your fault for being inconvenient. I’ll bring Fran so you can meet him or something. Love you, Dad.”

Suddenly, he felt it. His back tire blew out. He closed his eyes as his car spun out of control and he hit the wall. He was spinning harder than he ever had before. Everything was a blur as his car hit the ground and then the grass at a speed he didn’t think possible. He could hear the parts of his car falling off. All he could think was that he hadn’t seen Dante this morning. He hadn’t talked to Francesco since the fight. He hadn’t held his daughters long enough. This crash felt harder than the last. It hurt more. He was scared. He hadn’t said goodbye to his family. 

Was this really happening? Dante thought to himself as he viewed the race from the sidelines. Everything was going great but he could tell something was up with dad. Still, it didn’t concern him. Lightning had always managed to catch up, but today was different than most. Dante turned to Cruz to ask her a question, she was on her headset speaking to Lightning when the loud bang radiated across the field. Everything was moving so fast. One moment Dante was watching and cheering his father on and the next he was watching his father’s car flip and crash.

“Dad..” Dante covered his mouth in shock before he reacted. He ran out of pit row and was climbing the fence to the track when he got pulled down. “That’s my Dad! Let me go!”

Dante watched in horror as the paramedics took his father away on a stretcher and away from his sight. “THAT’S MY DAD! LET ME THROUGH!” He yelled as he pushed through the crowd of people that had slowly formed. The shocking realization that his Dad might truly not make it had finally taken a toll on the youngster.

Lightning couldn’t breathe.  

He could hear the ambulance and he made to take off his seat belt. The cage that was meant to protect him was trapping him. He didn’t know which way was up or down but he finally found the window. He managed to pull himself out and unto the ground.

He was grasping at his helmet but he couldn’t take it off.

Elise and Dante were running towards him with tiny checkered flags in their hands.

He couldn’t breathe. 

Nina was sitting in his lap as he drove the Hudson Hornet to Ramone’s for new paint.

Soon he couldn’t see.

Maddie was holding his face in her tiny hands while making fish faces.

He couldn’t breathe. 

Carolina was hiding from him but he could hear her giggles and the tips of her shoes poking out of the curtain.

He couldn’t speak. 

Bonnie was crawling under his blanket. Monty lifted the blanket so she could yell Boo and laugh when he acted like she’d scared him.

He couldn’t believe this had happened to him.

Sally cooed as she opened her eyes for him. They were blue just like her Papa’s.

He closed his eyes and let the darkness take him.

Time stood still as the paramedics drove away they had taken all the sound with them. Like some mystical evil little creature had gone ahead and turn off the noise. Dante just stared at his Uncle Mater in disbelief as he felt him take his hand and guide him to his car. He had forgotten his phone at the pit, but he sure wished he had it with him right now. The drive to the hospital was a fast one, but not fast enough. When they had arrived Lightning was nowhere to be found. They had wheeled him straight into surgery.

As Dante stood outside the doors that separated him from his dad he caught himself with tears rolling down his cheeks. He sure wished he had someone to hug right now. He wanted his Papa.

He could hear Doc in the darkness as if he was a million miles away.

“Jesus H. Christ, kiddo. You’re a menace!”

Lightning could feel the tears streaming down his cheeks before feeling nothing at all.

“Doc?”

“Hey, kiddo.” Doc smiled. “You’re in a right mess, aren’t ya?”

Lightning laughed as tears streamed down his face. He didn’t care how but Doc was here and it was all he could do but hug the old man. 

“Doc, I’ve missed you so much.” He cried. He could feel Doc’s arms around him. “Come on now, Hot Shot. Do you really wanna spend our time here cryin ?” Doc smiled at him and patted him on the face like he used to whenever Lightning made him particularly proud. 

“Our time?” Lightning looked at him confused. “Where are we? Wait, am I dead?”

“No…well, yes.” Doc shrugged. “Who knows. So ask me what ya need to ask me.”

“I’m just happy to see you, old man.” Lightning wiped his eyes. “I guess, though, I don’t know where I’m going…”

“Don’t know?…hmm,” Doc sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Kiddo, you’re a hellauva racer, a great father, and an inspiration to people you don’t even know. I’m proud of ya.”

“Really?” Lightning looked at him like it was the last time he’d see him.

“Yeah. You’re the best thing to ever come from my life.” Doc smiled and pulled Lightning in for a hug. “I know you’ve got more in you than this. You’re not done yet. Go back and show them what I know. That you’re every bit a Legend that I was…even better.”

“It’s so hard without you, Doc.” Lightning could feel a pull. 

“Duh.” Doc laughed. “But you got those kids of yours that need you more than you know and I’m with ya. There’s nowhere you can go that I won’t be.”

“Thanks, Doc…I love ya.”

Lightning felt a harder pull and everything was white. He managed to see Doc’s smile and hear his voice, “I love ya too, kiddo.”

Dante was in the chair next to his father. The man was in a bed attached to a million wires but what unnerved him the most was the beeping machine that reminded him that his father could die at any moment. It felt like it was a countdown. 

He’d been in this room for 3 days now. His Radiator Springs family came and went trying to feed him or get him to leave. They told him his Papa and sisters were delayed that they should be here at any moment but Dante could only see his Dad laying there. He could only think that the Doctor had said that there was no way to tell when his father would wake up from the coma he was in. 

He looked up as the door opened for the umpteenth time that day. He suddenly felt like the five-your-old who was afraid of the dark when he saw his Papa’s face. He immediately got up and hugged the older man tightly. He felt the other’s arms wrap around him as he placed a kiss to his forehead.

He hadn’t heard from his friend in a while and it was probably his own fault. Everything had happened so fast and he had forgotten to keep his best friend in the loop. It was a simple message telling him he missed him and to give him a call when he had the chance. It made Lightning’s heart ache for his friend. He clicked the phone icon and heard the phone ring for a second before Mater answered.

“Hey, buddy! It’s so good to hear from ya!” Mater’s happy voice made Lightning smile immediately. 

“Hey, man! It’s good to hear your voice. You have no idea what I’ve been through this last week. I miss you, bud. I miss Radiator Springs.”

“We miss ya too. We ain’t far, ya know? Ya can come visit or is that fancy-schmancy city too good?” 

“Are you kidding? I’ll take my cutest little town in carburetor county any day. There’s no place like home, Mater, and home is Radiator Springs.”

Mater laughed and Lighting felt the easiness settle in. He never had to try with Mater, “Listen, bud, you tell me what the problem is and you’re best buddy with help ya figure it out!”

“I don’t know what the problem is, I mean I know, but I can’t pinpoint it, ya know?” Lightning sighed. “You remember Francesco?”

“That fancy Italian racer?”

“Yeah, him. He’s living here too. Weirdly enough, we became pretty good friends and he’s been helping me out a lot.”

“That’s great! ‘M glad you’re not all lonely.” Mater would love that.

“I married him…not don’t freak out! He was gonna get sent back to Italy and he has deep-rooted issues with his family and I couldn’t let him go back to that so I married him so he could get a green card and now we’re pretending we’re married but I think he’s really into it and I’m scared.”

“Scared? Of what?” Mater knew but he was going to make Lightning admit it.

“That I like it. I like him.” Lighting let the moment lapse and Mater gave him the silence he needed to think. “I won’t take off the wedding band, Mater. I wanna keep people away because I don’t want a relationship not after…you know. I just want to be happy with myself but I can’t. I’m not happy but I’m not miserable either. I don’t know what I am.”

“I know there’s a lot going on in the brain ‘o yours but you gotta relax.” Mater stopped and Lightning could almost see him giving him that kind smile. “I dunno about San Francisco but I know that you’re happy to have him around and that’s enough for me. Ya can’t figure all that out yet and it’s okay. I want ya to be happy too, bud. Give yourself some time. It’s all new.”

“You’re right. I’m just so stressed about it. Francesco doesn’t make it easy but he also makes it so easy, if you get what I’m saying. He fits into my life perfectly. It’s scary how good it feels to have him around and he’s helped me so much.”

“So enjoy it for what it is right now. If it changes later, then it changes. No use worrying twice for no reason…and ya ain’t in the best way right now so don’t make it harder on yourself.” Concern laced Mater’s words. He’d seen Lightning at his worst and hadn’t flinched. There were few people as kind as Mater.

“When’d ya get so smart?” Lightning teased to lighten the mood.

“Always have been and always will be.” He could hear Mater smile.

“This therapy is kicking my ass. It’s so hard sometimes that I can’t do it. I keep pushing myself and I lost the cane already but it’s not enough because the really hard part is the mental stuff. I can’t into a car without feeling nervous. It got so bad, man, they gave me a dog. I feel like such a failure and it’s killing me. What if I never race again.”

“It ain’t supposed ta be easy, Lightning.” Lightning nodded to himself. “Ya know ya got a lot on your plate. I’m glad you’re getting help. A dog is a great thing to have but honestly, bud, I want you to get better. Everyone does. There’s no point in fixing ya body if ya can’t fix you’re mind. It’s just as important. Ya need to understand that you are more then the racing. You’re my best bud and a great person, Lightning McQueen.”

Lightning felt the tears stinging his eyes and it took just a thought to push them through. Bolt all but ran to climb into his lap. Lightning felt like an idiot as he cried. He couldn’t help it. Mater always knew what he was feeling without him needing to say it. He was scared that he’d never be anything outside of his career. He was terrified that he would never get over this feeling of hopelessness and the over-whelming sadness that absorbed him when he was alone. 

“Lightning, you deserve to have someone love ya. Don’t push Francisco away. It sounds like ya really do like him and he’s helping ya.” Mater’s tone was gentle. “I hate hearing ya like this. I know you’ll get past this. You’re a strong person and don’t ya worry. Come next season I’ll be cheering ya on from the pit and you’ll leave that Storm guy in the dust.”

Lightning got his breaths under control before finally being able to speak up again, “Thank you, Mater. What would I do without ya?”

“Bud, you’d be just fine. I’m glad we’re in each others life but you’d be fine.” Lightning didn’t even want to imagine it. “You ain’t a failure, you hear me? Ya got a lot of stuff, like Doc would say. You just gotta see it too.”

“I’m trying, Mater, I promise I’m trying.”

“Then you’re halfway there.” Lightning smiled as he wiped the tears away. “Oh, and Lightning, don’t wait until you feel beaten down before ya call me. Francisco may be doing his thing over there but I’m still you’re best bud and ya know I’ll always answer the phone.”

Lightning chuckled, “Alright, Mater. I promise. Thanks.”