#{broadcasting...}: [queue]

the silent sufferer

you love your friends, but the truth is, you go through most of the real things alone. it’s better that no one sees you like this. you’ll be fine, really, because you’re used to feeling this way. it’ll pass. it always does. that’s what you believe, anyway. you’re more likely to give someone advice on a lesson you’ve learned without telling them how you learned it. you’ve come to realize that, if they’re coming to you for advice, they’ll be too preoccupied to ask. it stings, but it’s… that’s just the way feelings work sometimes. when you’re around others, most of these problems seem to vanish, and you’re better able to love the person you are. only on the worst days do you continue to hear that insistent whisper that it’s, “all a lie because they don’t know what’s *really* going on.” it’s not a lie. you are loved. those moments together are real. there are times when you can afford not to be so strong.

the protective one

it does not require much for you to take someone under your wing. you have a knack for seeing the best in others and rooting for them, and they look up to you in turn. they feel that you are safe to go to in times of chaos or strife, and are calmed by your presence. you take extra measures to make sure everyone feels supported. things that others might not even consider, you have already likely accounted for. in most scenarios, you are "the leader." your struggles tend to come from your desire to provide things to others. you want to give, to see those you love happy, to make wherever you are a place of comfort. your failures hit you hard because you see this as your responsibility, and you hate to let people down. ...okay, yes, there's no avoiding it: this is the parent friend.

nourish

Maybe you should invest in flour. You work, work hard and sometimes you feel like that’s all you can do. That it’ll never pay off. But there’s no greater feeling than to see the joy you bring to others, to see them succeed with the tools you gave them. You may not be a leader, but a leader’s spine, shoulders, ribs. You are the dawn before the sun. It’s sweet, too sweet, but it’s better than nothing. You are endless golden fields, salt of the earth, and the lives of all who devour it.

small things the next day a package, wrapped in newspaper and tied up with twine, is found on your front porch. inside a small jar is an eclectic collection of objects. a tiny drink umbrella, a few fortunes - 'love is a gift from the heart, not the wallet. lucky numbers 5, 13, 45' - beach glass and smooth rocks. a tiny cassette and a few wrapped candies. on the lid it says, in a small, blocky font, 'treasures'.

i hate you (i love you)

this is said with a sort of disbelief, that you can’t believe you love this person, that you could never have imagined they would make you feel such affection and fondness for them. they’re a little shit, the most ridiculous person you’ve ever met, and you would absolutely die for them. you say “i hate you,” and they just shoot you that stupid grin of theirs. maybe they throw it back at you. neither of you has to say “i love you,” to know that you do, it goes without saying.

the confession

when you say “i love you,” it carries the whole weight of your heart. it feels like closing your eyes and stepping off a cliff. maybe you’ve been planning to tell them for days now, or maybe it’s just slipped out without you realizing, either way, it was inevitable. it’s relief and dread all at once, it’s mortifying yet hopeful. the words hang heavy and suspended in the air, thick enough to choke on, a brief and perilous moment against the mortal pull of gravity.

consumption of a heart unloved

Here’s a dining table, here’s a set of plates. Here’s your heart, red and bursting with love. You have tried to love people all your life, but no one seems to understand you. Your own mother perhaps forgot to teach you how to protect yourself, maybe people whom you trusted chose to look the other way when all you wanted was a hand full of love. All you want is someone to take from you, all you want is someone to dig in your heart and eat it and kiss you afterwards - bloody and red. You want them to tell you that you are what they have been looking for, you want to be the one who ends their hunger.

source

( repost, don’t reblog! )

[Caleb “Cale” Light]

fight honorably / fight dirty / prefer close-quarters/ prefer range / chat during  /  go silent /  low pain tolerance  / high pain tolerance  / attack in bursts /  attack steadily  /  go for the kill /  aim to disarm /  fight defensively  / strike first  /provoked easily  /  provoke their opponent  / tease  / get visibly frustrated /  shout while attacking  / use strategy / focus on their battle /  experience conflicting thoughts during battle  /  rush in recklessly  / try to read their opponent before fighting/ fight wildly /  fight calmly and,  or apathetically /  fight with anger /  fight with excitement /fight because they have to / fight because they want to / fight without regard to wounds /  run away when wounded  /  hide wounds /take a blow to protect another /  prefer a blade  /  prefer a gun  / prefer to use their ability /  prefer a bow  /  prefer a shield  /  prefer a pole arm  /prefer a personalized weapon  /  prefer magic or spells  / prefer brawling/ their greatest weakness is physical  /  their greatest weakness is mental  / their greatest weakness is emotional /  transform for battle / fight as they appear / rely on strength  /  rely on speed /  use everything they have  / hide their full potential / exhaust quickly  / high stamina  /  doubt their strength /  proceed with caution  / behave arrogantly / brag after landing a hit /  belittle their abilities  / use psychological tactics / use brute strength / avoid civilians /strike down civilians  / damage surroundings / avoid damaging surroundings / signature fighting style / making it up as they go / mastered skillset  /  learning their skillset  / fancy footwork/ sloppy footwork  / messy fighter / elegant fighter /accept defeat / refuse defeat /  beg for mercy /  compliment their opponent  / insult their opponent /  use unnecessary movements  ( flips,  twirls )  / move efficiently / barely move / prefer to dodge / prefer to block / defend their blindside /  has no blindside  / use all available advantages  ( ex :  use a gun but also throw punches,  kick out while blades clash,  etc. ) /  strictly use one main method  /  play around  /  hold back  / fight ruthlessly  / show mercy  / wait for opponent to be ready  /  strike when opponent isn’t ready /fear death / fear pain  / fear killing /  has PTSD  /  avoid fighting  / has lost a fight/ has won a fight / has killed /refuses to kill / want to die standing / would succumb slowly.

tagged: @stainarts for Cale!