☄️ Muse of choice >:3
☄️ - what is their biggest regret?
He regrets a lot of things.
There's photographs in a box of people he no longer remembers, smell of ash lingering even though he doesn't smoke. When something golden catches his eye his expression turns sharper, concentration in hopes it'll fill up the blank spaces, some answer to fill the missing piece of something wrong. He can't remember the last time he remembered something that doesn't include regret - of somebody walking out the door, of glass shards against skin, hot, blistering water against flesh that burns and burns but he can't remember what. Why, who, where. He knows he hasn't much time when he does remember something he regrets - regrets were a distraction. Deadweight, a problem; in better words. Regrets were something melancholy, a wedding, a kiss, a murmur of something, something, they said something important. He finds himself perplexed that there are no carvings inside his watch - but why would there be? He finds himself confused that he's bought two milk cartons instead of one - he lives mostly alone in his apartment for the weekend. He finds himself upset when he finds an envelope with no name and no return address, handwritten and folded and it seems like it's crucial, like it's priceless - something that breaks his heart without him having to open it.
He regrets that he forgets, as much as he remembers. Past lives blur into ashes, and it doesn't seem to matter anymore. Past, "useless" memories are forgotten, washed away by the tide. He regrets that he's the one that chooses to forget to make sure he gets to remember for the future. He has regrets in his life, in his other lives, in every breathing moment.
He'd like to remember, bad or good. Because as painful as it is to remember that you once meant something to somebody - it causes more heartache to know that something once had significance in your life acts like it doesn't even exist in the first place. The strain and the void and the longing for something you don't know. To have that kind of power.
He thinks that he's going to forget, again.
If he ignores the feeling of something that was used-to-be hard enough to forget that he forgot, it wouldn't even matter in the end, would it?
