#@depressing

I'm at the point where I don't care about myself anymore. I've got to the point where I'm broken beyond repair. It beckons to me, the urge to do it. It calls my name. I've resisted twelve weeks as of today. But I'm losing the battle. I'm losing the will, the energy. I've stopped eating. My body is just getting weaker. My skin is covered in bruises. My knuckles are broken, my face is swollen and bruised. I won earlier battles, but I'm losing this war with my mind.

My rope in my bag stays in the back of mind, temptation, but a reminder of horrible things.. My mind is fucked up.. I'm losing control of it. People promise to me, that they won't leave. But they always do. Now I've lost the person I love, to a person who abuses, manipulates and controls them. I want to hurt them for everything they've done. They don't deserve them, and yet, this asshole gets them.

I feel nothing, but I feel everything. It's overwhelming. It's unbearable. It's getting the best of me and I don't know how much longer I can fight it. I lost the light, that guided me through the darkness. I lost the reason to get up in the morning. I lost the reason to stay self harm free. I've got nothing left. I don't belong. Do you ever feel like you don't belong? That you will never fit in? That even if you're in a room full of people you feel alone? Do you feel like no matter how hard you try, you will never, ever be good enough, that you deserve nothing. I know how you feel. All too well.

Have you gotten to that point where nothing makes sense, where nothing is okay, where everything is wrong. Have you gotten to that point where you can't even find a silver lining in anyway? Have you got to the point where the only thing that makes you happy is the self inflicted pain that makes you feel something, anything.  Are you at that point where you pray that you won't wake up in the morning? Are you at that point where when you wake up in the morning, you're disappointed because you're still alive? Have you gotten to the point where you're scared of the dark, because it brings all the sadness, anger, hopeless, useless feelings back? Are you at the point of no return..