#;system

touch meme :O 

Day 1-5 of the 30 Day DID questionnaire  We’re doing this on Twitter as we feel like it and cross-posting since we never actually finish 30-day things when we try to do one a day 1. We're an OSDD system of about 16, possibly 17 now. Almost all of us are fictives with loosely defined roles. I (the host, Jude) am usually the one representing us. We also subdivide into the main system [Asclepias], as well as two subsystems [Mandrake] and [Heterophyiasis] (which are included in the total count of alters). 2) Pretty much all of my close friends know about our multiplicity. In a perfect world, at least some of my family would know but I think it'd be too much for them to handle. It'd be nice to have a therapist to talk to about it directly, too? It's really, really hard to tell people about it honestly. Even folks I consider good friends treat it like the system itself is the issue, rather than caring about why it exists in the first place. Several “woke” people at my university showed their true ableist colors when, in my private safe space on Twitter, I started opening up about it. People are so uninformed and it's seen as something scary that needs "fixed" even though it's so very normal to me. 3) Obviously it's up to any individual system to decide to integrate, but for me I don't know that I ever would want that? Just bc I don't function like a singlet doesn't mean I have to change myself to do so. The idea of needing to take on trauma that my alters hold is too much. Not to mention, this has been how I function since early childhood. Before my dissociative disorder came into play, I still had BPD to deal with and no sense of self; 21 years of my life have been a big ol "???" for the "who am I" question.

exhausted but can't sleep

hawke: yeah I'll talk about memories as they come